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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my dp NEVER tips

483 replies

suzzieanneba46 · 05/03/2015 06:13

My dp just refuses ever to tip. This is because he worked in a pizza restaurant when he was a student and never got any of the tips as he worked in the kitchen.

Aibu to think he needs to give this up and just go along with social norms?

OP posts:
Feckeggblue · 06/03/2015 18:44

Healthcare assistants usually empty bedpans. A nurse is a highly educated and skilled job, and not badly paid either. they're not some dogsbody

limitedperiodonly · 06/03/2015 18:46

I think that if you replace the word "tipping" with "bribing" in some of these posts they will sound a lot more interesting

There is no excuse for poor service but it would be naive not to realise that money oils the wheels.

That's what I've said in various posts because that's what I believe and has been my experience.

There's no mystery here, but there is a lot of naivety.

Redglitter · 06/03/2015 18:51

As a rule I don't eat out often enough let alone at the same place for my tipping/non tipping to affect what table I get. I can't see how that's an argument for tipping unless you're a regular somewhere

irregularegular · 06/03/2015 18:57

Just to be clear, I wouldn't tip on top of a service charge. I don't think that's normal. But most places I go to dont have a service charge and I would automatically tip 10% rounded up. Maybe a bit more if the bill is very small as leaving just a pound or two is a bit cringey.

limitedperiodonly · 06/03/2015 19:33

I don't eat out often enough let alone at the same place for my tipping/non tipping to affect what table I get. I can't see how that's an argument for tipping unless you're a regular somewhere

I agree. You're not interested in building a relationship with waiting staff beyond paying your bill and being polite. I think that's perfectly sensible and polite.

But if you want to build a relationship and get the best service then it makes sense to be nice - obviously- and to tip generously.

After reading this thread I've realised that I was tipping far more generously than I needed to.

I won't scale back.

Southeastdweller · 06/03/2015 19:47

My tipping habits are going to be more ingrained, I think, after reading this thread. This thread has also opened my eyes to what waiting staff earn in the U.S.

Roussette · 06/03/2015 20:06

Southeast I'm not that much different to you! A meal has to be good, the waiting staff to be just plain nice, and it to be an enjoyable experience for me to tip. I don't tip as a matter of course. although my DH does

With your breakfast this morning, I would have been no different. | posted way back in the thread about an experience at a central London restaurant I had. Food was good. Waitress was honestly just rude. The music was loud and I couldn't hear her when I was asking about something, I asked what she said, and she just made a face, grimaced and flicked me away. This happened more than once. No way would I pay the 12.5% expected. She spoilt the whole meal for me and my friend and our DCs. (but I did tell the Head water about how rude she had been - it then got worse but that's a whole other story)

Good service deserves a well deserved tip.

mollysfriend · 07/03/2015 00:47

Why do so many people think it's socially unacceptable not to tip? I've already paid a fortune for a meal and a bottle of wine, adding an extra 15% (10% is sneered at these days) is ridiculous. It's not up to me to pay for people's shortfalls in their salary. I may as well tip the checkout girl at the supermarket, their salaries aren't great, or the postman or street cleaning man. I'll tip if the service is really really good but otherwise I don't feel obliged to. And I hate it when they add the service charge without me having a choice (no, I've never asked for it to be removed but I wish I had the guts to).

butterfliesinmytummy · 07/03/2015 00:54

I tip. I live in the USA. I don't want to get shot Grin

booboojimjam · 07/03/2015 11:45

I only tip if the service is above what would be expected. I have also tipped other work sectors (other than restaurants) for example my hairdresser and farrier. I do feel that in restaurants/pubs we are guilted into leaving a tip because of the American influence.

As an added note my son works in the kitchens of a pub and the tips are distributed through all the staff at the end of the week according to how many hours they have done that week.

CatthiefKeith · 07/03/2015 13:16

For all the posters drawing paralels with Retail, can I just point out that waiting staff often work until 1 am. Once the customers go home the tables need cleaning, as does the floor and the kitchen. It can't be left til next morning because the food debris would attract mice/rats/cockroaches etc. Then there is cutlery to polish, plates to be put away, glasswasher and dishwasher to break down etc.

Additionally, many waiting staff have the joy of working every Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday lunchtime (The busiest three shifts of the week)

Add to that the Christmas day, Boxing Day, New Years Eve, Valentines nights and Easter weekends that they are inevitably rota'd to work, and ask yourself whether you would be prepared to give up your social life, and family life, to serve tables for minimum wage?

Lovemycatsandkids · 07/03/2015 13:22

Late to the post.

My ds started as a pot wash at 16. He's now 24 and post degree and a chef at the same restaurant.

All tips are shared with the kitchen staff too.

I always ask who gets the tips and only tip if it's shared.

Op I think your dh has a point and it's so unfair for just the serving staff to have the tips.

Kitchen staff work far far harder and in the summer the kitchen heat is unbearable.

Lovemycatsandkids · 07/03/2015 13:24

I obviously know waiting staff work bloody hard too. Share for all I think.

To add my ds does 9am to 11pm shifts or longer and on sat/sun no breaks. He can't wait for Mother's Day!! But the tips really bump up the wages and are much appreciated.

Lovemycatsandkids · 07/03/2015 13:25

butter Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2015 13:29

That changes nothing for me, CatthiefKeith. There are plenty of occupations where unsociable hours working is required, where late finishes are needed and where hard work is required. The only difference is that if you're waiting staff, you expect a tip. It's very unfair to the other workers who could never be so 'protected' as waiting staff seem to be.

Nobody forces anybody to take a job, most people take jobs because they need them. I just can't see the reason for people to jump up and down for waiting staff.

I'm a reluctant tipper; I do it for convention's sake and realise that I'm tipping for nothing special. It rarely is something special and that dilutes what tipping should be about as far as I'm concerned. I take no notice when people don't tip, I do and I don't expect comment nor would I comment on other people not tipping - everybody has free will in this and it is a very unbalanced 'convention'.

The people who judge non-tippers leave me cold. It's none of their business and even as a tipper, I wouldn't socialise with them for their ill-manners.

MistressDeeCee · 07/03/2015 14:41

Why should the public be the conscience of employers who don't pay their staff well? Its unfortunate that waiting staff are on minimum wage but if anything, Id rather see a campaign about this if need be, rather than people nosing into who leaves a tip and who doesn't. There are lots of hospitality events, football and rugby stadiums etc where the waiting staff aren't allowed to accept tips, nor are tips expected. Yes, the wage isn't brilliant but its money isn't it. The pubic aren't getting a meal and service free of charge, and staff aren't working for free. Its nice if you can and wish to leave a tip - but I don't get the judging of others who don't, it just sounds very smug

SaucyJack · 07/03/2015 14:59

The retail staff in the 24-hour Tesco up the road also work well beyond 1am catthief. As do care assistants, bar staff, factory/industrial operatives.....

Once again, there is nothing special about wait staff that sets them apart from various other NMW jobs in the UK.

Bambambini · 07/03/2015 15:15

I don't know anyone who doesn't tip on a matter of principle unless there were some issues or really bad service.

We eat out a lot. Having a good server who is efficient and pleasant can really add to your meal experience. It encourages good service.

All the stingy non tippers must hang out together, I never come across them.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2015 15:20

Shall I call you and other tippers 'stupid and sheep-like'? Bam? You along with others on this thread like to bandy 'stingy' around rather a lot so labels must mean something special to you. Perhaps it just makes you feel virtuous and you just can't hug yourself hard enough...

I don't come across people like you in RL. Everyone just gets on with what they're doing and nobody bats an eyelid.

Bambambini · 07/03/2015 15:47

Nope, I just won't feel stingy.

People will avoid you stingy non tippers and judge you on your tightness and lack of what is generally considered social etiquette - like holding doors for people and being polite. You don't have to care about that but it happens. I will be judged for other things but won't be judged for leaving a tip.

Bambambini · 07/03/2015 15:50

And people you have dined with might have been too polite to say anything at the time, but I guaranttee quite a few will have been surprised and thought it a bit strange or off, maybe mentioned it later or started a thread on Mn. Unless you of course only hang out with non tippers.

FuckItBucket · 07/03/2015 16:12

Strangers judging me without me realising?! Oh how fucking bad Grin

Think I'll survive though while not tipping.

FuckItBucket · 07/03/2015 16:13

I only eat out with a 5 year old so if he had a problem I think he wouldn't think twice about raising it

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2015 16:18

I tip. I just don't judge others when they don't. If you do, you have no manners at all.

I'd surreptitiously thwack a judgemental bigmouth in the head with my handbag on the way out though. You have been warned, it's never weighed less than 4kg...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2015 16:21

It's not at all like holding doors open for people... nor is it like saying please and thank you, nor is it like eating with your mouth closed or any of the other required social norms.