No time to do anything...aibu in not seeing how I can easily create more time?

[toomuchtodoandnotime]

Am really struggling at the moment to find time for everything I need to do, short of going pt at work (not an option) I can't see what I can change.

At the moment I leave for work at 730am. I go to the gym 2 nights after work, when I don't get home til 8pm. On one of the other nights I go to a weight loss group, and don't get home til 9. The other 2 nights I get home around 630, and then spend the evening with my bf (we don't live together) and my DC. Every evening I come home and cook, wash up, do some laundry, put out rubbish, tidy, etc - though some of this I don't do on the nights I get in late, but always cook/ wash up.

I have 2 DC who are teens. They do some work around the house but forget unless reminded and I don't have time in the day to keep chasing them and sending reminders. When I'm home I can get them to do some tasks with me.

At weekends...alternate weekends I spend with my bf, so am not at home. The others, on Sat I go to the gym, catch up with friends, do my shopping, etc (as much as I can in the time) and Sun I spend with bf and his DC.

This isn't enough though. I have loads of jobs at home that need doing - decorating, gardening,that I never have time to start. I also need to get some building work done but I can't find time to get the supplies I need, plus find someone to come and quote me for it.

More pressingly bf really wants me to learn to drive this year. I passed my theory 6 months ago but am struggling to see where I'd fit in driving lessons with everything else, especially as I've been told I should have at least 1 2 hour lesson a week.

Why doesn't bf cook and wash up?

Can you lose weight without it taking up an evening, or do you really need that session?

You need some weekends at home doing the decorating, gardening etc. or get dcs or bf to help. You do have time you choose to spend it doing other things, nothing wrong with that. Or pay someone to do the gardening and decorating.

He doesn't get to mine until 730ish, so cooking already done, he does help with washing up.

I can't lose weight without classes, I have tried and gain it back when I stop going. I'm a sz 14, but in BMI terms I am 3.5 st over the upper limit of normal, so really do need to keep going.

On the weekends I'm not here my DC are at their dads. My bf has offered to help but he's recovering from a serious op at present so can't be on his feet for long. I had considered paying a gardener but I don't think I can afford it, round here the going rate is £15-20 per hour!

One thing that might work for you is doing some batch cooking at the weekends or buying a slow cooker to use a couple of nights. At least dinner would be ready when you get in and although you'd still have washing up, you wouldn't have all the prep stuff to wash too.

Are your DC young teens or older ones? You could try sharing responsibility for the washing with them, if they don't do it, they won't have clean clothes?

You may have to give up some social time if you have chores that need doing. What about keeping a diary for a month. see where your time is going. Then you can see what you can jig about in order to fit tasks in.

It may be that you reduce the time at the gym, or give up one hour of your sunday to do something, etc. Plan your shopping differently (home delivery at 9pm if your supermarket delivers, etc etc)

If you start by being able to look at a piece of paper that shows you exactly how your time is currently spent, you can see where, how, if you can make changes.

I've got a slow cooker but I rarely use it, I seem to find everything I cook in it tastes the same! I will give it another try though.

So every other weekend when you're at bf's, what are you doing? Can bf not come to yours and you can do things together at yours? There's an awful lot of time in that weekend!

You will have to give up some of your "me" time I think. Can't you and your bf spend one of the weekends at yours doing this stuff together?

I'm not sure I can afford to reduce the gym, I'd go more often if I could (but I just don't have the time).

What I'm struggling with is how I can find at least one 2 hour slot per week for driving, because i have so little time in the week. The every other Sun I spend with my bf and his DC is really important as it's the only time I see them and they're still getting used to me. If I had lessons on a Sat, that causes a problem on the weekends I spend with my bf, as he lives an hour away by train, so would mean we or just me would have to come back for the lesson, then go back.

Could you get your friends to come to yours to catch up, and when the weather's better you can sit outside and chat whilst you do some garden stuff? Looking at your first post, you've actually got LOADS of spare time - you're just choosing to focus on the more fun stuff.

Can you do the driving lessons early in the morning over at your BFs location?

Rubbish! You can have driving lessons in ANY town - doesn't have to be yours!

His house isn't quite such a disaster as mine! Hence he prefers to spend time there,esp as during the week any time we spend together is at mine.

Plus he hates baths,and there's no shower at my house, so he never stays more than a night (and only then if he can go home next morning for a shower). Having a shower put in is on my list of building works. Which of course I've yet to get round to sorting out!

Is ordering the weekly shop online an option?

The driving lessons, you've misunderstood - I live in town A, so on the Sats I'm at home could have lessons there. Bf lives in town B, an hour away. If I had lessons there it would be with a different instructor / school, which I don't think would be much use. Or I have to come back every Sat for lessons. Which is possible, just makes our weekend a bit disjointed

Also for the driving, if you can manage the holiday time there do exist week-long intensive courses at the end of which you take the test. Even if you didn't pass at the end of the week, it might get you much further along in learning so you it wouldn't drag on so much.

Do you want to learn to drive?
Your bfs likes and preferences seem very evident here, yours less so

I do a monthly shop online but top up with bits and pieces at least once a week (as fresh beg, milk etc doesn't keep that long). Its a 25 min walk each way to the supermarket so that takes at least an hour.

It's the driving lessons that are the real hassle tbh. The rest of it I'm used to trying to juggle. But I feel under pressure to learn, and therefore make time for lessons.

He doesn't understand why I haven't passed my test years ago (he passed first attempt after about 4 lessons and is an excellent driver).

Driving scares me. I'm not sure I can pass (I had lots of lessons and several tests pre DC). I don't think he'd end our relationship if I didn't pass. But me not trying thus far is a bone of contention.

If you want more time I would evaluate how much the weight loss group and gym gives you.

Can you do the same exercises from home?

Can you follow the same diet and weigh yourself from home?

If you think you can this might well save you some time as fitting it all in will be much more flexible. You could try the old house work exercise routine (not serious!)

Don't discuss the driving with your bf? Drop it if you want to.

It does seem like learning to drive might free up extra time if you're having to walk for 50 mins to buy milk. Might it get you home earlier if you could drive between home/work/gym etc. I completely understand your hesitation - I have never learned myself. But it is definitely do-able to pass. I guess if it would save a lot of time it might be worth giving up the gym and making time at the weekend for a couple of months and having 2/3 driving lessons a week? Then you might end up being able to fit more in?

You do actually have quite a lot of "free time". YABU to ask how to "create more time".

You just need to prioritise what is most important to you, during the time you have available.

Do you really want to be with a man who might dump you for not learning to drive