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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No time to do anything...aibu in not seeing how I can easily create more time?

233 replies

toomuchtodoandnotime · 04/03/2015 13:24

Am really struggling at the moment to find time for everything I need to do, short of going pt at work (not an option) I can't see what I can change.

At the moment I leave for work at 730am. I go to the gym 2 nights after work, when I don't get home til 8pm. On one of the other nights I go to a weight loss group, and don't get home til 9. The other 2 nights I get home around 630, and then spend the evening with my bf (we don't live together) and my DC. Every evening I come home and cook, wash up, do some laundry, put out rubbish, tidy, etc - though some of this I don't do on the nights I get in late, but always cook/ wash up.

I have 2 DC who are teens. They do some work around the house but forget unless reminded and I don't have time in the day to keep chasing them and sending reminders. When I'm home I can get them to do some tasks with me.

At weekends...alternate weekends I spend with my bf, so am not at home. The others, on Sat I go to the gym, catch up with friends, do my shopping, etc (as much as I can in the time) and Sun I spend with bf and his DC.

This isn't enough though. I have loads of jobs at home that need doing - decorating, gardening,that I never have time to start. I also need to get some building work done but I can't find time to get the supplies I need, plus find someone to come and quote me for it.

More pressingly bf really wants me to learn to drive this year. I passed my theory 6 months ago but am struggling to see where I'd fit in driving lessons with everything else, especially as I've been told I should have at least 1 2 hour lesson a week.

OP posts:
WaxOnWaxOff · 04/03/2015 14:47

I actually think learning to drive is a good idea.

Presumably you use public transport to get to work, from work to the gym/slimming club, then home. Driving could potentially buy you an awful lot more time in the morning and evenings.

But you're full of excuses as to why you can't give up the (awful lot) of leisure time you currently have. There is no magic wand to make more hours in the day.

capsium · 04/03/2015 14:48

My fear is that I won't ever pass,and I'm wasting time and money. Bf doesn't understand that and thinks I'm too negative.

The worse that can happen is that you stay in the same situation your are in now. Do you want to be able to drive? If you do and can afford a course I would go for it. You could make it a make or break decision if you like. Last big effort.

Georgethesecond · 04/03/2015 14:48

So why do you want to learn?

PercyGherkin · 04/03/2015 14:50

You're just looking for reasons to say why you can't learn to drive aren't you?

Reading your OP at first I really assumed you had small children who needed full-on attention, not teens. You're in the same position as everyone else you know. Sometimes jobs like decorating and gardening have to be done, and either you need to fit them in by not doing stuff you'd rather do (like seeing friends), you pay someone to do them, or they don't get done.

TinLizzie · 04/03/2015 14:58

Haven't you posted on this issue before OP? It seems really familiar.

Original poster
toomuchtodoandnotime · 04/03/2015 15:01

Our future plan involves living together in an area with no real public transport. If I can't pass, the plan will have to change. He wouldn't accept me not even trying, I don't think.

I don't really get a lunch break so I can't do anything then. I know some people do have lessons in their lunch hour or go to gym, but that isn't possible. So it will, as said above, have to be squeezed in at weekends.

OP posts:
sleepyhead · 04/03/2015 15:03

How long have you been seeing your bf? Is there some sort of deadline for getting to know his dcs? What do you think would happen if you saw his dcs less frequently over the next, say, 6 months?

Brokentopieces · 04/03/2015 15:06

Could you drop the gym and do an exercise DVD at home? 30 day shred is 20mins and as it's intensive it will still aid your weight loss and toning massively. Would free up money from the gym and you can get in on youtube for free

Whereupon · 04/03/2015 15:09

Actually, I'm about a million times busier than you seem to be and have been for years, so your OP is annoying me a bit. Just cut down on some of the having fun stuff. Remember when you couldn't leave the house (or even the room) on your own because you had young children?

HellonHeels · 04/03/2015 15:10

Your boyfriend sounds a bit pushy. Do you actually want to learn to drive? Do you actually want to move to a remote location where the only option is to drive to get around? What happens if one of you is unwell and can no longer drive (just thinking about your boyfriend's surgery and recovery)? Can't you get to know his children more slowly over a longer period of time - what's the big rush?

If you're too scared of scratching your boyfriend's expensive car to practice driving in it, how are you going to drive once you actually have the licence? Will you buy your own car? If that's the plan, then buy the car now and get your boyfriend to take you out in your car to practice.

Housework day-to-day: get up 30 minutes earlier and do it every morning - load of laundry on, vacuuming, clean bathroom. Your teens can do their own room cleaning and help you by vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathroom etc. They could each prepare a simple evening meal one evening per week and wash up afterwards.

Stealthpolarbear · 04/03/2015 15:11

" . He wouldn't accept me not even trying, I don't think."

Is this acceptBle to you? He seems quite controlling

Stealthpolarbear · 04/03/2015 15:11

" . He wouldn't accept me not even trying, I don't think."

Is this acceptBle to you? He seems quite controlling

DeliciousMonster · 04/03/2015 15:17

If you don't want to learn how to drive then please do not knock yourself out trying to have lessons etc.

Prioritise what YOU want to do, not what someone ELSE wants you to do. That way madness lies.

slithytove · 04/03/2015 15:18

do your driving lessons to/from work and home

slithytove · 04/03/2015 15:20

Don't see friends every weekend
Find a different weight loss group
Go to gym less
Don't spend every Sunday with bf and his family
Pay a cleaner/gardener a one off to get you on top of things
Get kids involved in decorating as a family project, good skills for them

TheOddity · 04/03/2015 15:21

Can't you get a driving lesson for an hour rather than two (I think you lose concentration after an hour anyway) and use them wisely? E.g. One picks you up from work and takes you to the gym, or one picks you up at work and takes you to the shops? Not saying that exact combo but think what car driving vector would actually save you time.
You still haven't answered if YOU HAVE THE DESIRE AND WILL to learn to drive. That is what will make it happen. You have the desire and will to keep fit and lose weight. It's the same thing.

slithytove · 04/03/2015 15:22

Also wrt driving lessons, you don't need a two hour session every week, nor does it need to be regular. I used to squeeze in a one hour session whenever I could, and use it to get me places instead of public transport.

You don't need to start and end the lesson in the same place.

Floundering · 04/03/2015 15:27

I think you are trying to fit in too much TBH & the driving lessons are pressurising you .

Tell your Bf you need to get the house sorted, a new routine established around the house, & when he is on his feet again a hand with all the jobs that need doing.

THEN & only then can you think about learning to drive.

Get those teens helping a bit more, lists is the way to go, make it
"a list we all have to do", rather than trying to get them to do odd things. Why can't they get supper on/started on nights you're late home?
Get them to do at east one load of washing a week, even if its all their's. No reason why they can't run the hoover round too once a week each, and surely one of them could pick up milk if you are short? Rather than one big monthly shop do smaller online shops every week or fortnight then you shouldn't run out of basics.

TBH you are doing all the running around after the family & the BF when they should be helping YOU so that the gym etc are not eating into your time.

RatMort · 04/03/2015 15:32

OP, what strikes me in all this is that you're half-afraid of your bf, or of losing him, and that far too much of your life is about his preferences, his choice of which house to spend time in, his desire to live somewhere with no public transport, his intolerance of your fear of driving etc etc. What exactly is he bringing to the relationship?

RatMort · 04/03/2015 15:36

And yes, you have enough time, you just need to stop running around like a headless chicken servicing your children, your BF and your BF's children. In your shoes, I would get your children to take over cleaning and some cooking, and make some temporary changes. Take a month or two away from driving lessons until you've caught up on house and garden stuff, and have your BF come to your house with his children once or twice, whether he likes it there or not. He'll have to get over not liking showers. You know, being a grown adult and all.

CrohnicallyInflexible · 04/03/2015 15:59

Can you learn to drive around your working hours? So your instructor arrives at your work, you have your lesson then arrive at home? I did this all the time when I was at uni! Both uni and home were in the instructors 'area' though.

FenellaFellorick · 04/03/2015 16:02

He wouldn't accept you not trying?

He's your boyfriend, not your owner.

If you don't want to drive, he doesn't get a say.

Of course, if you refuse to learn while demanding he drives you round, he would be reasonable to say no, learn or use the bus... but if you aren't doing that, tell him to do one.

and knock your teens into shape. Find all the stuff you do that if you didn't do it, would only affect them and stop doing it! One day fairly soon you'll be letting them out into the big bad world and it's better they start doing the basics now than they're still bringing their dirty pants home to mummy when they're 45!

babygiraffe86 · 04/03/2015 16:05

could you not have a driving lesson straight from work and end it at the gym???

minipie · 04/03/2015 16:09

You have loads of time. You are choosing to spend most of that time at your BF's house (3 out of 4 weekend days) or at the gym/weight loss class (4 sessions a week).

Spending 3 out of 4 weekend days with your BF and not doing any of your own to do list is really not sustainable. Weekend time should really be split 50/50 between your and BF's house so you can get some of your own stuff done. If that means you see less of your BF so be it.

I'm wondering - when do you get to see your own DC? Doesn't seem like you see them at the weekends at all? Or have I misunderstood.

Chillyegg · 04/03/2015 16:11

Have you called any local driving instructors and asked what times they work?

I had my instructor pick me up at 7am go get me to work for 8am twice a week. Then when I was towards my test I had an extra lesson on evening my instructor would pick me up at 5 and drop me at my other job at 6.
You might have to get up earlier or whatever bit you don't have to have lessons on a Saturday.

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