No time to do anything...aibu in not seeing how I can easily create more time?

[toomuchtodoandnotime]

Am really struggling at the moment to find time for everything I need to do, short of going pt at work (not an option) I can't see what I can change.

At the moment I leave for work at 730am. I go to the gym 2 nights after work, when I don't get home til 8pm. On one of the other nights I go to a weight loss group, and don't get home til 9. The other 2 nights I get home around 630, and then spend the evening with my bf (we don't live together) and my DC. Every evening I come home and cook, wash up, do some laundry, put out rubbish, tidy, etc - though some of this I don't do on the nights I get in late, but always cook/ wash up.

I have 2 DC who are teens. They do some work around the house but forget unless reminded and I don't have time in the day to keep chasing them and sending reminders. When I'm home I can get them to do some tasks with me.

At weekends...alternate weekends I spend with my bf, so am not at home. The others, on Sat I go to the gym, catch up with friends, do my shopping, etc (as much as I can in the time) and Sun I spend with bf and his DC.

This isn't enough though. I have loads of jobs at home that need doing - decorating, gardening,that I never have time to start. I also need to get some building work done but I can't find time to get the supplies I need, plus find someone to come and quote me for it.

More pressingly bf really wants me to learn to drive this year. I passed my theory 6 months ago but am struggling to see where I'd fit in driving lessons with everything else, especially as I've been told I should have at least 1 2 hour lesson a week.

Also in sorry it sounds like your making excuses have one weekend where you don't see the BF. If he kicks of or can't bare to be away from you he can come see you. He drives so why are you doing all the running around.

Could you do an hour driving lesson instead and get it either to of from work/gym/ww etc. I only had one hour lessons when I learned to drive And I quite often booked it to take me home from work in the winter to save me waiting at the bus stop in the cold or rain.

Or could you get up earlier and go to the gym say two days a week but shorter sessions then you would on the one day a week? you could also sacrifice a sat morning with the bf to get some jobs done and then go see him in the afternoon iif you're staying anyway?

Do you actually want to learn to drive? If you are happy as you are, leave it. It seems as if you are under pressure from your bf.

You fit in a lot. Going to the gym twice a week after work and one evening a week at your slimming class is a luxury for a lone parent.

Why do you have to spend time with his dc? Surely they and he would quite like the odd day/afternoon to themselves. That is where I would be finding the time.

You should read how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. It will help you prioritise what you want in your life.

Also, do you really need 2 hr lessons?

Book a driving lesson at 9am that ends at 11am at the train station on Saturday. Then train up to your BFs. You'll be there by lunchtime. It's just a short term pain for longer term gain.

Sorry, just skimmed the thread so you might have said this. But do you get an hour for lunch? When I was learning to drive I got 2 one hour lessons per week at lunchtime.

Also, I try to fit exercise into lunch or my commute as much as possible. So cycling, or jogging the last few miles, etc. Often quicker than public transport.

As a friend of mine says:

If you want to, you'll find a way. If you don't want to, you'll find an excuse.

You seem to be coming up with excuse after excuse. No matter what anyone suggests, there's some excuse or other why won't work...

Perhaps some are excuses. However some are simply the way my life is - I rarely get a lunch break. That's how it is in my job. So i can't use that time for driving, the gym or anything else.

I work in London and live way out in the suburbs so lessons to or from work aren't doable. Lessons after the gym - I don't finish there til 730ish so I'd be out til 930 or so. It's possible but not ideal.

As to my bf, we've been together a year. I don't see his DC all the time, just every other Sunday. Sorry if that wasn't clear. That's really the only time for us all to get together. There's no 'rush' for me to see them, but after several months they are used to seeing me, it would seem odd if I suddenly stopped bothering!

As I've said, it looks like Sat is the only possibility. That will me@n me having to come back from bfs first thing, because of him not really staying at mine due to lack of shower, and then going back later. But I cant see any other way.

Re lessons, I've spoken to a few local schools a year or so ago when I had a couple of lessons - all said I should have 2 hour lessons at least once a week, if not more. A friends DH is an instructor (unfortunately nowhere near me) and said this was the advice he gives his pupils too. He also said practice in a car between lessons is ideal but that's not possible for me.

In terms of it being apparent that your bf is encouraging you to drive, I don't actually think that's a bad thing tbh (as long as he's supportive etc). I personally would find it very frustrating having a partner who couldn't drive, and indeed would prefer them to be able to (dH can). At the end if the day it is a useful skill to have.

Also, I don't think you should cut out gym time either. You are doing it for your health, self confidence and well being, so keep going.
The most obvious time to do all your extras is the weekend.

Presumably you are learning to drive with the plan to buy a car. Could you buy a car now and then practise with your bf in the evenings/weekends?
When I was 17 I had a car before I passed my test and used to go out nearly every day, I swear it would have taken me 10 years and 100 of lessons if I only drove in lesson time.

And just to add..when do I see my DC - every weekday evening once I come home, and the Sat I am not at bfs, plus the Sun first thing before I go down to his. On the weekends I'm not at home, my DC are at their fathers, or at a sleepover at friends, so I wouldn't see them(possibly in passing if they popped home cos they'd forgotten something) even if I was at home at those times.

You do a lot for yourself and for your BF and his DCs, but spend very little time on your own DCs. For instance you don't seem to see them at the weekends, you see them 2 evenings when you are with your BF, and don't appear to take them to any activities, which seems unusual in this day and age.

No, I see my DC every evening! Plus most of the weekends they're not with their father. He sees them at most 2 days a fortnight btw (his choice) but do feel free to tell me I'm in the wrong for not seeing them enough DC do activities straight after school (long before I'm home from work) or the elder does some at weekends. They take themselves to and fro, which at their age I'm sure isn't unusual. Plus I don't drive, so can't ferry them about anywhere. They're quite capable of using a bus though.

And I do very little for my bfs DC beyond spending part of one day a fortnight with them, when we go to soft play etc. I hardly think that's doing too much for them.

I've thought of getting a car now. Bf didn't think it a good idea, though I'll discuss it with him again. I can probably put enough together for an old banger. I'd need to see how much the insurance was though, as that might put it out of the question.

You have 5 weekday evenings and are busy 3 of those - that leaves 2 left when you could easily learn to drive if you really wanted to. Ie not just to appease what on the face of it sounds like an overbearing boyfriend.

when do I see my DC - every weekday evening once I come home, and the Sat I am not at bfs, plus the Sun first thing before I go down to his.

But on weekdays you get home at 8pm 2 nights after the gym, 9pm one night after weight loss group. And your BF is around on weekday nights too. You've said you use the Sat you're not at BF's (which is only one weekend day out of 4) to see friends, do shopping etc, so presume not much time with the DC on that day either.

Doesn't seem much time to me. But if you're sure they're happy with the arrangement then none of my business!

Your boyfriend isnt coming out of this looking too good, really.

Puts you under massive pressure to learn to drive but doesn't think it's a good idea for you to get a car. How do those two ideas even work together?

op yoube not addresssed the issue of your oh's apparent comntrolling nature

Do be wary if you end up driving everywhere Its not conducive to weight loss .

Yes, the BF is not coming across too well here - the every weekend at his is a massive use of your time. He won't stay at yours because he will only take a shower. He wants you to leave your family home you have paid off and move to a place where you need to learn to drive to get anywhere. If he was not in your life, would you even be thinking of moving there? A year is not long enough to give up what you must have worked very hard for.

Weekends at soft play when you have work to do on your house, see your own friends etc. Really? I get that you want to meet DC, but they are off playing presumably, so you are really there for DP. Who does the hands on childcare when you are there?

That apart, what is your DP doing to help you make time for these lessons he wants to take?

(I work FT, I have two DC, one is preschool, I have five hours a fortnight to myself aside from paid childcare, I am a single parent. It is how you are choosing to spend your time, not that you don't have any)

Get one of these:

www.amazon.co.uk/Croydex-Push-Fit-Bath-Shower-White/dp/B000TAN37S/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1425493900&sr=8-2&keywords=Shower+attachment

Your bf should be happy to visit you then.

It's comes across that your bf's needs come first.
Also it must be expensive getting a train every 2-3 weekends. Does he pay for all your rubbing around?

I'm sorry but the not liking a shower is a load of rubbish. If he wanted to come down he would.

Also I agree with other pp yeah your kids are teenagers and have activities but I bet the very odd weekend of you at home might be lovely for them. They might be organising sleepovers to fill time.

I'm getting a bit annoyed at this thread because it doesn't seem like your willing to change anything. I also feel a bit sorry for your kids. Yep they go to their dad's and friends but I'd put money on them quite enjoying one family weekend now and then.

#running

^sorry ignore my last post. Realised it is the shower he doesn't like. Does he have a bath every day? Can't he have one in the morning before he leaves and in the evening when he gets back?

You work a very long day, 5 days a week, with no lunchbreak??? Nightmare!

I did my driving lessons when I was still at school. I met my instructor there, and my lesson was basically my drive home. Could that be an option? Or to the gym?

Being out of the house from 7.30am 70 9pm is dreadful, do you see your own dc at all? It sounds like you spend more time with bf's than your own? It does sound like something needs to give.

Another way I save time is by cycling to and from my job, so I could give up the gym and I do my weigh in myself at home. No way could I dedicate as much time to myself outside the house as you do. No wonder you feel you have no time! If you want to get things done, you really just need to dedicate a few weekends to it, but you keep having reasons why all the suggestions here won't work :-(

I don't get it, if the plan is not to buy a car then why do you need to learn to drive?