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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No time to do anything...aibu in not seeing how I can easily create more time?

233 replies

toomuchtodoandnotime · 04/03/2015 13:24

Am really struggling at the moment to find time for everything I need to do, short of going pt at work (not an option) I can't see what I can change.

At the moment I leave for work at 730am. I go to the gym 2 nights after work, when I don't get home til 8pm. On one of the other nights I go to a weight loss group, and don't get home til 9. The other 2 nights I get home around 630, and then spend the evening with my bf (we don't live together) and my DC. Every evening I come home and cook, wash up, do some laundry, put out rubbish, tidy, etc - though some of this I don't do on the nights I get in late, but always cook/ wash up.

I have 2 DC who are teens. They do some work around the house but forget unless reminded and I don't have time in the day to keep chasing them and sending reminders. When I'm home I can get them to do some tasks with me.

At weekends...alternate weekends I spend with my bf, so am not at home. The others, on Sat I go to the gym, catch up with friends, do my shopping, etc (as much as I can in the time) and Sun I spend with bf and his DC.

This isn't enough though. I have loads of jobs at home that need doing - decorating, gardening,that I never have time to start. I also need to get some building work done but I can't find time to get the supplies I need, plus find someone to come and quote me for it.

More pressingly bf really wants me to learn to drive this year. I passed my theory 6 months ago but am struggling to see where I'd fit in driving lessons with everything else, especially as I've been told I should have at least 1 2 hour lesson a week.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 04/03/2015 14:21

You are making choices. That's the first thing you have to tell yourself.
There are 24 hours in everybody's day. How do some people manage to do things that you are not managing to do?

If you don't want to give anything up or change anything, then give up on the idea of doing things you are not currently doing. If you want to get things done, then shift other things in order to make the time.

What time do you get up? Can you get up 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes earlier and do something then? Stick washing on, shove something in the slow cooker, etc.

You have to either compromise, shorten some of the things you are doing or forget about doing some other things. It's really up to you.

ChipDip · 04/03/2015 14:22

It sounds like you do actually have a fair bit of time but just not managing it wisely. You fit in 3 gym/weight sessions a week and your kids are teens, you have more time than most. If you don't want to do driving then it's up to you. Also if there are pressing tasks need to be done then you need to sacrifice a few weekends with your bf and get them done, in the long term your house won't be in chaotic and he will have no excuse to comes over to yours.

capsium · 04/03/2015 14:28

Failing doing it all yourself you can try arranging a gardening or decorating 'party' for you and your teens. You need to offer the incentive (party bit) after a day of whatever activity. Then treats eg. a takeaway for them and their friends afterwards. If the decorating is a room they would like to look nice for themselves, they might enjoy the whole process.

sleepyhead · 04/03/2015 14:28

You can't create more time if you're not willing to change anything that you do now. Sorry, there's no magic wand to make more hours in the day.

Learning to drive may be worth the short term loss in time with your bf in order to gain more time later.

Doing planning/jobs around the house may be worth the short term loss in time with your bf in order to gain more time later.

Cutting down the gym/weight loss classes in the short term in order to fit in driving lessons now may be worth the pain of taking longer to reach your goal in order to have an easier time fitting in everything later.

You don't have to do any of these. But you do have choices.

Original poster
toomuchtodoandnotime · 04/03/2015 14:29

Like I said, I can make small amounts of time. I know I can do that if I try. I could create another 30-40 mins a day by using a slow cooker, getting up earlier etc. But it's finding a way to create a 2 hour slot I'm struggling with.

I don't think I'm going to ever have time in the week, so it will have to be weekends. However I am so tired at weekends so not sure how great my driving will be. Plus it will make our weekends together quite disjointed. I'm not sure how he'll feel about me disappearing off for 4 hours of our Sat together (if I come back on my own for the lesson).

I was hoping to have got compressed hours at work to get 1 afternoon off a week to use for driving, but that can't be agreed unless I reduce my hours which I cant afford to as I need to pay for lessons! Catch 22 Smile

OP posts:
ElphabaTheGreen · 04/03/2015 14:29

Do an online shop every week so you don't have to walk to get perishables - Tesco do a delivery saver deal so you don't have to pay as much of a delivery charge. Meal plan and you'll easily reach the £25 minimum spend. I almost never have to do top-up shops. That will surely save you (in time) at least one driving lesson a week.

Take a day or two of annual leave and arrange for builders and gardeners to come and give you quotes and potential start dates.

chrome100 · 04/03/2015 14:30

Could you get up earlier? I also leave for work at 730 but I get up at 5 and go running and swimming. That way my exercise is done and I have evenings free.

capsium · 04/03/2015 14:30

However I am so tired at weekends so not sure how great my driving will be. Plus it will make our weekends together quite disjointed. I'm not sure how he'll feel about me disappearing off for 4 hours of our Sat together (if I come back on my own for the lesson).

Will your bf help you decorate etc? Time together doing something useful.

strongandlong · 04/03/2015 14:30

Are you spending 3 out of 4 weekend days with your bf and his kids (alternate weekends plus sundays)? That is an awful lot of your potential spare time used up. Could you skip the sundays?

Do you actually want to learn to drive? What difference would it make for you?

Could you get a bike for the trips to the shops? Or get the kids to go instead?

Stealthpolarbear · 04/03/2015 14:30

Excuse is the word

strongandlong · 04/03/2015 14:33

I'm not sure how he'll feel about me disappearing off for 4 hours of our Sat together

If he's that keen for you to learn, surely he'll be happy to cope with this for a while? (It won't last forever).

strongandlong · 04/03/2015 14:34

Does your bf have any suggestions on how to fit the extra stuff in?

Original poster
toomuchtodoandnotime · 04/03/2015 14:34

My friends are definitely not the sort to help at a working party...i only see them probably every 6 weeks anyway, one in 3 of the weekends I'm at home so they don't take up much time anyway.

The suggestion upthread of a weeks course was a good one, if I can get the time off.

My fear is that I won't ever pass,and I'm wasting time and money. Bf doesn't understand that and thinks I'm too negative.

OP posts:
WindyAway · 04/03/2015 14:34

Could you get yourself insured on his car, then have the lesson at say 9am sat mornings every other week, and he can take you out in his car on the weekends you are at his? Its very 'I'm not sure he would like this...' Surely if he wants you to learn how to drive he should understand that you need lessons?

babybat · 04/03/2015 14:36

Can you get to the gym/WW classes in your lunch breaks? Lunch breaks are when I get most of my boring errands done, so going to the bank/top up shops, hairdresser etc.

If your kids get any kind of pocket money/allowance, make it conditional on them having done chores around the house. I know it's annoying to have to remind them, but they need to understand that they have to pull their own weight, and if they're teenagers pretty soon they won't have you around to do it for them.

ElphabaTheGreen · 04/03/2015 14:37

I get the feeling that you don't actually really want to learn to drive, OP...

BestZebbie · 04/03/2015 14:38

You have loads of time - you spend the whole of every weekend (apart from a portion of alternate Saturdays shopping) socialising and on leisure pursuits!
You can easily make more time, but it will involve using some of your weekend on the jobs at your house sometimes (this is what the rest of the world does - that is why DIY stores are packed over Bank Holiday weekends). Get your bf to come to you for a weekend and help you in the garden, or miss one weekend spent with him while you power through a solid two days of work yourself, for example.

Stealthpolarbear · 04/03/2015 14:39

" I'm not sure how he'll feel about me disappearing off for 4 hours of our Sat together"
And yet he's te one pressuring you to learn

sleepyhead · 04/03/2015 14:39

Do you believe that some people are "natural drivers" (eg your bf who passed first time after just a few lessons) and other people will never learn however many lessons they get, and quite frankly if they fail a couple of times should never be allowed on the road anyway?

I know this sounds a bit left field, but it's the attitude of several friends of mine who have never learned to drive. They all had some lessons and either failed a test or gave up. What they also have in common is overbearing fathers and/or partners who are self-proclaimed "natural drivers" (ie drive too fast, blame everyone else) and who don't really think anyone who doesn't pass first time should be allowed to drive.

It's bollocks by the way.

Original poster
toomuchtodoandnotime · 04/03/2015 14:40

Bf cant really help with any jobs at present as he cant stand for long. He has helped in the past though, there's just lots still to do.

I can't skip Sundays with bf as I see his DC then as mentioned, and there's not really any other opportunity to see them. Which means any driving lessons will have to be Saturdays.

OP posts:
Whereupon · 04/03/2015 14:42

You have lots of time. You spend a lot of this time on yourself and on your BF, doesn't seem that you spend all that much with your DCs. During this busy time of your life you may need to cut right down on the gym (many people don't have time to go to the gym) and cut out the slimming club. Spend less time with your BF - you seem to dedicate 3 weekend days a fortnight to him, plus 2 evenings. If you don't want to prioritise household work, then you have to pay for someone else to do it.

Georgethesecond · 04/03/2015 14:44

I. Understand you want to prioritise the gym class how about the weight loss group. How long will you need to go it that? Can you learn to drive afterwards? Why do you need to learn anyway, you seem to manage fine? Can you afford to buy and run a car?

capsium · 04/03/2015 14:44

Well, if you can't spare big chunks of time, try doing some tidying / chores in 10 to 30 minutes slots. Keep reminding yourself it is better than nothing.

FenellaFellorick · 04/03/2015 14:45

well, you can't make a 2 hour slot unless you extend the day to 26 hours or you pick something to give up Grin You can't have everything the way it is and add 2 hours. you have to swap something for those 2 hours.

Now, if you don't want to, then fair enough. Accept that you can't do the thing you want to add because you don't want to give up any of the things you currently do.

Original poster
toomuchtodoandnotime · 04/03/2015 14:46

I can drive a car, in the sense that if you put me in one now, I could drive, fairly slowly and hesitantly, for miles. I had a lesson a year ago, and drove about 20 miles straight,despite not having sat behind a wheel for years. But tests terrify me. The thought of one makes me feel sick. I don't think I am a natural driver.my bf would never understand that though,he says I'm very clever, have worked hard,paid off my mortgage,brought up 2 smart DC on my own...why wouldn't I be able to drive?

I just don't think I can. Id like to, but I don't think I have the skills.

I can't go out in my bfs car, it is new, v expensive and putting me on the insurance would be £100s, plus I'd be terrified of scratching it!

OP posts: