No time to do anything...aibu in not seeing how I can easily create more time?

[toomuchtodoandnotime]

Am really struggling at the moment to find time for everything I need to do, short of going pt at work (not an option) I can't see what I can change.

At the moment I leave for work at 730am. I go to the gym 2 nights after work, when I don't get home til 8pm. On one of the other nights I go to a weight loss group, and don't get home til 9. The other 2 nights I get home around 630, and then spend the evening with my bf (we don't live together) and my DC. Every evening I come home and cook, wash up, do some laundry, put out rubbish, tidy, etc - though some of this I don't do on the nights I get in late, but always cook/ wash up.

I have 2 DC who are teens. They do some work around the house but forget unless reminded and I don't have time in the day to keep chasing them and sending reminders. When I'm home I can get them to do some tasks with me.

At weekends...alternate weekends I spend with my bf, so am not at home. The others, on Sat I go to the gym, catch up with friends, do my shopping, etc (as much as I can in the time) and Sun I spend with bf and his DC.

This isn't enough though. I have loads of jobs at home that need doing - decorating, gardening,that I never have time to start. I also need to get some building work done but I can't find time to get the supplies I need, plus find someone to come and quote me for it.

More pressingly bf really wants me to learn to drive this year. I passed my theory 6 months ago but am struggling to see where I'd fit in driving lessons with everything else, especially as I've been told I should have at least 1 2 hour lesson a week.

I think you and your boyfriend need to rethink your weekends. I was in a long distance relationship, where we both had dc, and tried to spend lots of weekends with my then bf as he had a bigger house. It was a bloody nightmare, it meant nothing got done at my house. How would your bf cope if your dc were around more, and you had to spend the weekend at your home?

How would driving lessons on a Sunday evening work?

You do not need to do driving lessons in 2 hour slots.

You do not need to do driving lessons in 2 hour slots.

You do not need to do driving lessons in 2 hour slots.

You do not need to do driving lessons in 2 hour slots.

You do not need to do driving lessons in 2 hour slots.

Regardless of what the there to make money driving schools say.

One hour one a week/once a fortnight is enough.

And are you sure you could not wrestle one lunch hour a week at work - to take a driving lesson. It does not matter if you are in central London. There are still roads, junctions, traffic lights, other road users. All the stuff you need to have a lesson. If the driving school you contact cannot do this call another.

Ok so here is my advice. For what it's worth.

1. Immediately book two or three days off work asap and get that shower at your place organised and installed. I assume you have room? and can afford it? then no more excuses from bf for not staying. Don't faff about getting lots of quotes, just get one person recommended to you and go with him; similarly, don't waste time making loads of choices re fittings etc, go to one shop and take whatever you like that has quickest delivery.
2. Ignore garden. Ignore other decorating etc. All nice to have, not necessities right now.
3. Get a timer switch. Set washing/dishwasher to come on in the middle of the night . Get up half an hour earlier and sort out chores before you go to work.
4. Any remote chance of doing one day flexi at all?? even for a few months? then gym could be earlier and you would be home earlier.
5. Tell bf your spare cash is being spent on the shower and put driving issues off for a few months. The week long course is a good idea.
6. Give each teen one non-disputable regular type of job to do, teach them to do it properly, and expect it to be done. No debate.
7. Optional: give up the gym one day a week and make one day a very low calorie day, ie go to a 6/1 type eating plan and you give yourself one whole extra evening.

You can make more time but you have to make some changes! Good luck.

Bf comes to you and you do your driving lesson on the Saturday morning and can catch up at your house while he is there- or if you have to go to his do your driving lesson on the Saturday morning ending the lesson at his house?

Honestly, you sound like you have tons of free time. If more jobs need doing in the house then you need to work out if you want to take them out of your hobbies, time at bf's place or time relaxing at home.

I am at your lifestyle, jibs needing doing or not!

OP, do these replies help you find those extra hours you need?

Or make your driving lesson a post work starting at work and ending at your house.

A lot of responses just seem designed to make me feel like a shitty failure of a parent, who's in an awful relationship!

I thought I was doing ok...managing a demanding ft job, been a single parent for the best part of a decade, have committed to doing something re my weight/ fitness, with a lovely man who respects and encourages me..but apparently I'm completely wrong.

I don't see why your bf can't teach you to drive on the weekends that you're with him.

I would strongly recommend that you replace the gym with running, it's much more convenient. Keep a couple of work outfits at work and run part of the way back home a couple of nights a week.

How are you going to do your job when you've moved much further out? Are you facing a nightmare commute?

i doubt you're a shitty parent
awful relationship...based on what you've said about your oh's behaviour, maybe
are you allowed to tell him what's acceptable?

I haven't read the whole thread but something jumps out at me (as a mum to 2 small children), you have so much time!!!!!!

Ditch the gym, seriously, costs loads & wastes your time.

Instead start spending your gym membership on paint & stuff for the garden. Decorating is hard work, as is digging over a veg patch. By the time you have sorted out your garden & painted your house you will have muscles you didn't know existed & a much better living environment.

You will also feel fabulous sat looking at it going "I did all that myself"

Driving lessons are a red herring. Focus on you & your house & garden.

Just to make it clear:

I work in central London, and live in the suburbs. Lessons on the way to work/ way home are not an option.

I could give up another evening to have lessons. But I'd rather not, and apparently as I do nothing with my DC and spend no time with them, I'm surprised it's even been suggested as an option.

I see my DC every morning and eve, for varying amounts of time. I don't see much of them,but when you have to work ft to support your family, that's how it goes. I spend every other Fri and Sat eve with them (the weekend they don't go to their dads), and am around during the day every other Sat,although I may go out to the gym/ shops/ meet friends for lunch. My DC are often out themselves on a Sat, DC1 plays sport with friends on either Sat or Sun afternoon. DC2 is generally at home but on computer/ tablet. I don't think I neglect my DC. I see more of them than friends who don't work and whose elder DC (similar age to my DC1) are out with their friends most evenings til 10 or later.

My bfs DC...i don't know how people have the idea I spend loads of time with them. Its about 6-7 hours one day a fortnight, during which we'll maybe go out for lunch, then to soft play or the park (or sometimes we'll just stay at home and play a game, do puzzles or something) then back to bfs for tea and that's about it. Not much different to what I did with my own DC at that age.

And my bf...he's not controlling. He has strong opinions but so do I. I know plenty of people think it's odd I don't drive but he's the only one to challenge me about it. I cant explain why I haven't learned yet, other than the fear of failure which I don't think he understands, but then most people don't. That doesn't make him controlling.

Re the car, it's not that he's told me not to buy one, more that it's better to wait til I pass (if I pass) as insurance will be significantly lower. Which is true.

" I work in central London, and live in the suburbs. Lessons on the way to work/ way home are not an option."
probably missing the obvious but why? if cars can't get as central as where you work then tube partway?

So, OP, from what you have just said, changing the way you exercise sounds like a good bet. Running or exercise DVDS or something off YouTube (last time I looked the Shred was on there) sounds like a good bet. This will be more flexible, time wise, and you won't have to travel to gym. If it saves you money, perhaps you could pay a decorator / someone to clean.

I live in a very rural NW location so I obviously know nothing. Why with tubes, trains, & a bus do you need to drive? My sister has lived in London area for nearly 20 years & doesn't need to drive??

Oh and getting a shower fitted would mean your bf can more comfortably stay with you occasionally.

Personally I don't see the point in making big changes in your life, stressing yourself out, splashing out cash, to learn how to drive when the only real purpose for driving would be because maybe someday you might live with a guy someplace where you need a car.

You've only been together a year and have never lived together. Your kids are teenagers, presumably you're not going to uproot them anytime soon to go live in the country? So you have ages before you would need to drive.

Get some other stuff off your to-do list and worry about driving later. Get the house done up, keep on with the gym -- presumably someday you'll get to your target weight and won't need classes and such, that will free up time.

If your boyfriend doesn't like it, tough. It's your life, you need to focus on YOUR priorities.

I run at the gym. My gym is cheap, less than £20 a month. It doesn't cost much, and I like the discipline of going. I need the exercise, giving it up really isn't negotiable. I did try initially going in the morning, leaving home at 6.15, but my DC were late for school a few times and I got dragged in for an unpleasant meeting with the attendance officer...so now I go in the evenings!

Bf cant teach me as he has a v expensive new car. He could teach me if I got my own car. I'm trying to work out whether I can afford to insure myself as a learner. If I can, then I'd hope that's an option.

Whoever said upthread about getting the shower done is probably right. It's been something I've wanted to do for ages. But as we have a bath it's been a nice to have rather than essential. But I think that's my first priority, to get some time off for that, and then sort out the driving stuff (possibly am intensive course although that will mean more time. Or buying a car which is more money. But it will be progress!)

The main time pressure with learning to drive is my theory test, I took it last year, they're only good for 2 years then you have to take it again.

Why did I take the theory when I did? Because I didn't expect to pass

So,

1. shower
2. intensive driving course

We are getting somewhere now.

What about doing some batch cooking on one of your free weekends? You can fill your freezer with easy heat up meals.

Why did you start this thread as you don't seem to want to make any changes, some of which have been very practicle.

So i will give you the answer you want, there is no way to do anything different you are doing every perfectly.

How far is it from your house to work?- as pp. says jogging home would be a great workout! And using your diving lessons for your commute would also be killing 2 birds with one stone.

If your boyfriend really is supportive like you say, then he should be willing to help you out to make these changes that after all HE is the one pushing for.

You are only getting the shower for his benefit so he should be willing to come to yours one weekend and help you sort it out, and then after that come to yours on the weekend more often. Of course you can't get stuff done if you're essentially going away every other weekend.

You are mostly learning to drive because of him so he should be understanding if you have to come later on a Saturday because of lessons.

It seems to me you DO have the time to do things, but you don't right now because he is so inflexible (won't take a bath, doesn't want you doing lessons on your Saturday together). The world won't end if you don't see him every 3 out of 4 weekend days, take some time off to get stuff done.