AIBU or is he regarding breast feeding?

[Thereisnoplacelikehome]

I am currently pregnant, it's my 3rd child and Dp's first. We can not agree on anything to do with raising the baby. I am aware we should have thought about all this before deciding whether to have a baby or not.

The biggest thing is breast feeding. I think I should try to breast feed. My reasons are

It's free
It's much better for the baby
It's more convenient, no making up bottles in the middle of the night etc

Dp wants me to bottle feed, his reasons are

He finds breast feeding disgusting
He thinks science beats nature so formula will be made much better than breast milk

So who is being unreasonable? Dp says he is happy to get up in the night and make up bottles.

Again that's not a problem- all he has to do is not look.

To be honest, he sounds very very stupid. I'm sorry that you've only just started to find this out.

With my youngest who I breast fed I was on my own so I co slept. I found it so much easier to just feed him in bed when he needed it.

you've got a good 'un there. I'm jealous.

If he doesn't want to see it, you might mention he'll be living in the she'd then.

Clearly he had no idea about newborns or how they feed. Or was he planning for you to leave the room?

You might ask him (from a scientific point of view) exactly what he thinks breasts are for.

All parts of the body have a purpose - what did he think breasts were for? Looking nice in a low cut top?

You sound really well-informed OP. He sounds positively Victorian. Co-sleeping and BF go hand-in-hand. Sounds like he's scared of being usurped.

I just feel so frustrated because he's not listening to me at all.

Where did he do his paediatric training op? I'm assuming he thinks he is some how qualified, so what are his qualifications?

NVQ level 2 in painting and decorating?

BA Hons in Geography?

Maybe he has a PhD in American Literature?

A C in GCSE biology perhaps?

All completely irrelevant to being a massive twat though :(

Here's an idea - he could seek the opinion of somebody who's already given birth and raised children.

That would be you, luckily.

Let's hope that he's only caught stupid temporarily, otherwise your life is going to be pretty exhausting- you already know how tough it is to have a newborn and older children to care for, let alone having a petulant, ignorant manchild to carry too.

He'll be wanting his mum to have the kid overnight from 5 days old as well.

Lots of people have the same attititude as op's partner.

It doesn't make him a monster or any if the other names he's been called.

I think you should take him to see your midwife so she/he can outline all the benefits of breastfeeding.

And I think you should breastfeed whatever his views - which will probably change pretty quickly once the baby is born.

Half this stuff is decided for you anyway. I didn't choose to co-sleep, DD2 just decided not to sleep ever unless she was next to me. Waste of a moses basket sorry lovely people who gave it to us.

He sounds like he has major hangups.

Could you shove a grapefruit up his arse and then once he has given birth he will be allowed one opinion? that you can ignore any way

Can you show him this thread? Will the frequent references to him being controlling/thick/a massive twat upset him?

It doesn't matter that he won't listen OP (well it does, obv, but that's a bigger thing). He cannot force you to feed your baby his way.

OP I think you are going to get crucified for posting that. Mainly because it is very clear that your Dh is of course BU. But then again you sound like a reasonably intelligent person and you must know that.

If you were my sister or close friend I would be concerned that you are having a baby with someone and are only now finding out that you clearly have very conflicting views on quite important things.

Does he have mummy issues? I mean that seriously.

I think AF has it spot on. This is about him feeling that he should have sole access to your breasts and he doesn't want to compete with a baby.
He doesn't even have enough respect to come up with a logical argument for why you shouldn't bf but thinks if he just bangs on about his opinion for long enough then you will back down.

I suspect not wanting to co-sleep is again because he doesn't want to share you in bed.

He is competing with his unborn child. I hope this is an aberration and he stops being such a twat when his child is born.

I get the co-sleeping argument a bit, to be fair. Have you a spare bed he can sleep in?

Are you actually taking any notice of the feeding argument or are you going to do what you want to do?
Because if he doesn't want to see it then he can go and sit somewhere else while you do.

I might be a bit concerned that he might try and sabotage the feeds by slipping in the odd bottle though...

I'm really regretting not having these discussions now before getting pregnant. I didn't realise anyone would be so against breast feeding. Sorry for the drip feeding just realised another thing we don't agree on is he doesn't want to be there for the birth. I've told him he is, I'm not going through that on my own.

Sweet Jesus OP. Are you 100% sure about this fella?

I can see where he is coming from with the co sleeping, last time I did it it was just me and the baby in the double bed. I was contemplating a cot that attaches to the side of the bed or one of those nest things.

Seriously I wouldn't have him there if he didn't want to be. What help will he be? Have someone you trust and who is not so stupid with you.