AIBU or is he regarding breast feeding?

[Thereisnoplacelikehome]

I am currently pregnant, it's my 3rd child and Dp's first. We can not agree on anything to do with raising the baby. I am aware we should have thought about all this before deciding whether to have a baby or not.

The biggest thing is breast feeding. I think I should try to breast feed. My reasons are

It's free
It's much better for the baby
It's more convenient, no making up bottles in the middle of the night etc

Dp wants me to bottle feed, his reasons are

He finds breast feeding disgusting
He thinks science beats nature so formula will be made much better than breast milk

So who is being unreasonable? Dp says he is happy to get up in the night and make up bottles.

See flipping the coin this might totally be fear on his part if you've had a loss together. Feeling out of control type of thing and it's coming out in a shit way.

If otherwise he's sound then I would say have a heart to heart and get him talking.. did he ever talk about the miscarriage and how he felt?

But if he can be a twat in general then you probably know the score already.

I'd imagine quite a few men are a bit icky at BF and the idea of the birth. That's not that unusual. But they suck it up and get on with it.

Roomba yes I do know that it was in response to Anyfuckers post regarding conjugal rights.

He won't be pestering me for sex, he doesn't now at all.

He isn't usually a twat.

Do you get my point though, op ?

he is coming across like a man who would insist on his "conjugal rights"

He isn't usually a twat

But he is being now to the detriment of your emotional well being.

And did he talk about how the loss affected him?

I'm going to get shot down but I can see where he's coming from with the bf - I bf but if I'm totally honest it turned my stomach a little. I could never watch him feed and the word 'suckle' sets my teeth on edge a bit.

Ds was in nicu and I had to express
for the first few weeks and I used to put a scarf over myself as I hated seeing it squirt out.
My best friend is feeding at the moment and I don't like seeing it (I'd never say anything of course).

I'm not prudish at all - I just really don't like seeing it. I don't particularly like seeing other mammals do it either. Eaxh to their own - I'd love to have had that 'gaze lovingly at my baby feeding' feeling but it never happened.

Awaits attack.

He is a twat. Ask him how the species flourished before formula and clean running water. Then tell him to fuck off.

Why would you be attacked? You've said you don't like BFing and that's your opinion. OP's partner is actively trying to stop her from BFing - that's completely different, and he sounds like a controlling twat.

I did get your point Anyfucker but he isn't like that, honestly my sex drive is higher than his, he has never once pestered or pressurised me into sex.

We talked about the loss at the time but haven't a lot since. I know he was gutted and blames himself because he wasn't exactly thrilled when we found out.

Of course it should be up to you whether you breastfeed. He may find he feels differently about the whole thing when he actually sees you breastfeeding the baby. He may not, of course, but that might be something to bear in mind. In any case, just tell him you have made the decision and as your breasts are the ones that are involved, you have the final say.

Has he had any experience with babies and young children? He sounds rather ignorant.

I can understand not wanting to co sleep . This was frowned on when my son was born. I did it occasionally due to sheer exhaustion but only during the day when I was on my own and never felt at ease doing it.

His Sister has young children and he's spent a lot of time with them. She didn't breast feed them though so he's not really been around it.

OP. I'm sorry I haven't read the whole thread just the first post, so I might be wrong, but you P is an arse. Please tell him to fuck off with his ridiculous opinions. Do what you think is best.

What's his relationship with his mother like?

He is being a twat about this & from your posts sounds highly ignorant, have to say though, I would never have successfully bf our DC without the support of DH

Since you are the only who has experienced both ways of feeding, I think your vote trumps his. Plus there are benefits for the breastfeeding mother (e.g. reduced risk of breast cancer).

He understands that formula is based on cow's milk, right? Would he happily wrap his mouth around a cow's teats? But human milk for human babies is disgusting? How does that work?

He's got a good relationship with his Mum I think, they don't spend loads of time together but he will pop in every couple of weeks if he's in the area.

The best case scenario would be that he would change his mind about breastfeeding when he actually sees what it entails. If he is a genuinely kind and caring man, he will respect your decision no matter what he thinks of it.

I think some PPs on this thread have leaped to some rather extreme conclusions about your DP. But stick to your guns about this decision. If you want to breastfeed, you absolutely should.

don't your other kids live with you?

Yes they do live with me Nancy.

Why doesn't he want to be at the birth? Is he from another culture where it's really frowned upon?

so how is he with your kids? that's got to be some indicator.

of course formula milk has been around for thousands of years and breastfeeding only took place when we lived in caves