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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is he regarding breast feeding?

307 replies

Thereisnoplacelikehome · 01/03/2015 16:29

I am currently pregnant, it's my 3rd child and Dp's first. We can not agree on anything to do with raising the baby. I am aware we should have thought about all this before deciding whether to have a baby or not.

The biggest thing is breast feeding. I think I should try to breast feed. My reasons are

It's free
It's much better for the baby
It's more convenient, no making up bottles in the middle of the night etc

Dp wants me to bottle feed, his reasons are

He finds breast feeding disgusting
He thinks science beats nature so formula will be made much better than breast milk

So who is being unreasonable? Dp says he is happy to get up in the night and make up bottles.

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 01/03/2015 16:38

Oh gawd missed the bit about how he 'finds breastfeeding disgusting'

Um, you've picked a fuckwit. Sorry.

AnaisB · 01/03/2015 16:38

On the fence about this one - your DP is making some strong points there.

Electriclaundryland · 01/03/2015 16:39

I'm with you on this one. Once you get started it is easier and free. That's why I did it.

I have no issue with formula feeders. Whatever works best is fine. I would be seriously pissed off if dh started telling me what to do with my own tits though. He needs to get over his dislike of breastfeeding because whether you decide to do it or not its a totally knobbish attitude to have.

You can give the odd bottle and breastfeed if he wants to do some night feeds that way. Expressing can be a PITA.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 01/03/2015 16:39

He's an idiot, but you're equally as silly asking who's being unreasonable. It's ultimately a woman's choice (unless circumstances dictate otherwise) whether to breastfeed or not and you want to try. He thinks it's unnatural? Does he drink milk from a cow and think that's bloody normal?

Owllady · 01/03/2015 16:39

You can't really express to bottle feed at night, you need to carry on feeding so you make enough milk ime
Of course he's being silly but mine was the same tbh and I breastfed and ignored him and he was fine when they'd been born and I fed them.

He's now wax lyrical about breastfeeding Hmm go figure!

Pandora37 · 01/03/2015 16:40

Tell him you'll agree to bottle feed as long as he does all the night feeds. He'll soon change his mind when baby's here. Sorry, that's not very helpful but I'm assuming for the first 6 weeks at least you're going to be the baby's primary carer? Therefore, I think your opinion trumps his. If you don't want to get up in the night to make bottles then that's your choice. I'm assuming he won't be doing any of the night feeds or very few when he goes back to work therefore if you think breastfeeding will work better for you then it should be up to you.

Could you go to a breastfeeding workshop and take him along with you? I've seen some dads who are very ambivalent about it completely change their minds afterwards. I wonder if he's worried about not bonding with the baby as much, that's quite a common thing amongst men who are anti breastfeeding. In which case, I would assign him his own special job like bathing so he gets to feel more involved.

NickiFury · 01/03/2015 16:40

What strong points would they be AnaisB? Using breasts for their actual purpose is "disgusting"?

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 01/03/2015 16:40

Posted a bit quickly. My partner is a bit meh about breastfeeding as well, but I've told him to suck it up. They are MY boobs, I'll do what I want with them, and the fact that breastfeeding help prevent some cancers is a no brainer for me. I'll definitely try it when the kid's here.

SylvaniansAtEase · 01/03/2015 16:41

Well tell him he doesn't have to listen. It's simply not his decision and his job at this point in your relationship - pregnancy, birth, newborn care - is to support YOU, not to impose his own beliefs.

The day he gets to be pregnant is the day he gets to choose birth method.
The day he gets to give birth is the day he chooses who he wants there.
The day his tits start leaking milk is the day he gets to choose what he does with that.

Tell him the subject is closed.

Original poster
Thereisnoplacelikehome · 01/03/2015 16:41

I breast fed one of my other children and not the other. The one I ff had excema, asthma and was much more of a sickly child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thereisnoplacelikehome · 01/03/2015 16:43

He says he should get a say in it because it's his baby too.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 01/03/2015 16:43

Hahaha at AnaisB who I assume is making an ironic point about how much of a twat he is.
Obvs

AnaisB · 01/03/2015 16:44

I was being sarcastic - I really hope the OP didn't need to ask this question to know that her DP is being extremely unreasonable.

NickiFury · 01/03/2015 16:44

I see this is your first thread. Are you a name changer?

loveableshoulder · 01/03/2015 16:45

My DH said he would prefer me not to bf DD1 in front of his mates; it was both of our first child. When she came along, it was totally different and he realised, I think, that she needed what she needed and he saw that was more important. I think he also felt differently about it than he thought he would.

It's possible your DH will change too, when the baby arrives. Though he does seem to feel...strongly.

MythicalKings · 01/03/2015 16:45

He's an idiot.

Breast is best and science has proven it. He wants science- tell him that.

AnyFucker · 01/03/2015 16:45

Is he one of those men that resents having a woman's breasts off the menu for his sole use for a while ?

does he display jealousy of his own children ?

Pagwatch · 01/03/2015 16:45

I think you should do as your oh suggests.
You are pregnant with the child of an utter Neanderthal. You may as well go with it.
Give baby whatever he suggests. I would stock pile red bull.
Great choice . He sounds awesome.

Original poster
Thereisnoplacelikehome · 01/03/2015 16:46

I am a name changer yes I have been here a while, MNHQ can check I'm sure.

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 01/03/2015 16:46

No he doesn't get a say in it.

That is all.

Tell him that if you told your midwife that your partner was pressurising you not to breastfeed, she would probably put an alert on your notes. To be quite honest, it's a pretty abusive thing to think. A decent person simply would UNDERSTAND that yes, this is absolutely your decision and really cannot be anyone else's. Utterly personal. The fact that you're also right and his opinion puts your baby's health lower than his frankly fucked up attitude to a woman's body only makes it worse.

Tell him if the subject is mentioned again you are going to ask for support from your midwife, and you don't care if that gets you and he flagged up as possibly needing support.

firesidechat · 01/03/2015 16:47

This have everything to do with the fact that "He finds breast feeding disgusting". The science v nature thing is a red herring and should obviously be ignored.

Only you know what other redeeming features he possesses.

Original poster
Thereisnoplacelikehome · 01/03/2015 16:47

He doesn't have children yet AF.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 01/03/2015 16:48

Sorry. I suppose I was just struggling to believe that anyone could be quite so ignorant. I feel really sorry for you. I think there's hard times ahead for you being permanently linked to such an ignorant and unwilling to be informed person.

SylvaniansAtEase · 01/03/2015 16:48

OP I really am sorry though because I'm sure this is throwing up all kinds of thoughts for you - a man who can actually say quite calmly that he finds breastfeeding disgusting is just beyond the pale - an utter utter misogynist twat. I'd find it really hard to get past that.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 01/03/2015 16:49

You do realise that they FF baby having excema etc is coincidental and not because you FF.

This seems like a slow burning FF v bf fight thread.