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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is he regarding breast feeding?

307 replies

Thereisnoplacelikehome · 01/03/2015 16:29

I am currently pregnant, it's my 3rd child and Dp's first. We can not agree on anything to do with raising the baby. I am aware we should have thought about all this before deciding whether to have a baby or not.

The biggest thing is breast feeding. I think I should try to breast feed. My reasons are

It's free
It's much better for the baby
It's more convenient, no making up bottles in the middle of the night etc

Dp wants me to bottle feed, his reasons are

He finds breast feeding disgusting
He thinks science beats nature so formula will be made much better than breast milk

So who is being unreasonable? Dp says he is happy to get up in the night and make up bottles.

OP posts:
BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 02/03/2015 15:42

some men do have issues with this, its his first baby.

op it wouldnt have bothered me if my dh had said this because i wouldnt have listened to him one jot...Oh dear, thats a shame, well i guess you will have to make yourself scarse, when I am feeding Smile end of.

dont make a big thing of it, he will soon get used to it.

BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 02/03/2015 15:43

FWIW I had issues with those awful 70's pics in NHS leafletts of women in dungarees feeding it put me off too.

Original poster
Thereisnoplacelikehome · 02/03/2015 15:45

Dp has just text me, he's been browsing Mothercare near where he's working. He said he might be changing his mind about the side car cots after seeing them in person. This may be progress.

OP posts:
BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 02/03/2015 15:47

The side car cots are brilliant BTW.

DecaffTastesWeird · 02/03/2015 15:51

Omg I was not expecting this to be him in favour of bottles, you in favour of bf! He is being totally unreasonable. You aren't.

MrsDutchie · 02/03/2015 15:51

What the hell? Why is this turning into a breast is best bandwagon.

Clearly not the issue here.

You and your DP need to talk, properly, and you have to do what is comfortable and right for you. DP needs to support that. Good luck.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 02/03/2015 16:15

What are you going to do about the fact that your partner is an unintelligent, intransigent dickhead?

AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 16:31

we are skirting around that salient point, Ehric Smile

MrsDutchie · 02/03/2015 16:44

Why was my post deleted MNHQ?

MrsDutchie · 02/03/2015 16:45

Oh, ignore that.

Horseradishes · 02/03/2015 16:52

He sounds like an ignorant fool. You can do better op, seriously. What man is that ignorant and controlling that he doesn't want to let his partner breastfeed!

I'm worried he may be very juvenile and controlling about once things once baby is born. This is not right.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 02/03/2015 16:53

I guess answering that sort of question doesn't keep a thread going does it!?

CultureSucksDownWords · 02/03/2015 16:59

Is it a LTB situation? He probably hasn't thought much about it beyond his discomfort at the sight of breastfeeding and an assumption about modern scientific type things being better than natural things. If he hasn't seen breastfeeding in his family and friends as a normal thing, then he probably hasn't even considered it as an option, and has also probably been socialised to only consider breasts as sexual. The OP says that other than this he is a decent guy, so surely she should give him a reasonable chance to get his head around things!

Original poster
Thereisnoplacelikehome · 02/03/2015 17:03

I'm not going to LTB over this but I won't let him stop me breastfeeding.

OP posts:
Bambambini · 02/03/2015 17:53

I think there is a good chance he will be fine with it when you're actually dealing with it rather than just talking about some future event.

He does sound immature and silly though. Spouting crap opinions without being willing to at least read up on it.

SolasEile · 02/03/2015 19:19

My DH and I had some similar issues in that he thinks the scientific benefits of breastfeeding have been overstated and are mostly socio-economic, not biological. He supported me switching to ff for our DC1 because bf was causing me a lot of stress and upset. He didn't force the issue though and has supported me to persevere in bf-ing DC2 too even though he does roll his eyes now and again when DC2 is being fussy and says 'oh just give her a bottle and save all that stress on yourself'.

The difference with my DH however is that he has never forced his opinions on me or pressurized me in anyway. He is also PhD qualified in a medical area and has read up on bf, read through research papers on PubMed on infant feeding etc so is not basing his opinion on ignorance.

To be fair to him too, our DC1was a lot easier and our DC2 is much fussier and gets sick more than her ff brother did so I can't blame him for being even more cynical about bf than before. I'm starting to feel the same way 4 months in... Hmm

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/03/2015 19:28

Your dh with a PhD thinks breast feeding is disgusting and he wouldn't watch?
If not, I don't think it's the same at all.

missymayhemsmum · 02/03/2015 19:57

Does he have a male friend who is already a dad to bf babies who can help him through these issues?
There are probably lots of bits of pregnancy childbirth and breastfeeding that are going to blow his mind a bit.

MorrisZapp · 02/03/2015 20:00

Interesting thread.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 02/03/2015 20:16

What worries me, more than any arguments for or against breastfeeding (not that he can come up with any sensible ones anyway) is that he uses the word "disgusting", about what is just about THE most natural process in human behavior.

I think it is deeply offensive to the woman he is supposed to love and suggests the maturity of a 13-year old. He is also effectively saying that he knows more about childrearing than the OP, who has actually raised two children! Again, offensive and immature.

It's true that he might be nervous about the birth of their child, but that doesn't excuse his arrogance in thinking that he knows best and on top of that, in trying to TELL the OP how she should do things.

Like others, I worry that this is only one child-raising issue among the many that will crop up where he tries to impose his will - and refuses to listen...

LouiseMarie838 · 02/03/2015 20:22

I very rarely (or never) contribute to threads... but, after reading the first few pages, I feel this picture is needed. Calling her partner a twat/etc is not helpful at this point. Yay for the people giving helpful suggestions xx

AIBU or is he regarding breast feeding?
Booboostoo · 02/03/2015 20:29

Is he feeling a bit of stress about becoming a dad and letting it out this way? It's unacceptable and frustrating but if this is the source of this weird behaviour understanding that might help. If he is feeling insecure and worried about parenting a baby he may be trying to cope by regaining control and coming up with all these ultimatums.

AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 20:48

Louise, is that pic for the OP's husband ? Well done, most appropriate.

bingobingo · 02/03/2015 20:48

He is being completely unreasonable!

bingobingo · 02/03/2015 20:48

He is being completely unreasonable!

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