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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you found out the gender or not?

160 replies

turquoiseamethyst · 26/02/2015 22:33

expecting DC3 in July, and the 20 week scan is fast approaching.

I am dithering about whether to find out the gender or not. I am a little concerned as I have to admit I do have a preference, I know it won't matter when he or she arrives but I'm focusing on it heavily at the moment.

On the one hand I think if I find out and it's my "preferred" gender I'll feel relieved but I think I may also feel sad, as if I rejected the other gender. I know that sounds stupid; I am when I am pregnant. It does also make organising things a bit easier. I can also tell DC1 (dc2 is still only a baby) whether they are having a brother or a sister.

On the other, if it isn't my preferred gender I won't feel "disappointed" when I give birth. But then I don't think I would anyway.

I suppose I am just interested in what others did and why :)

OP posts:
Catsize · 26/02/2015 22:39

I didn't. We weren't made with windows in our belly buttons.
To me, it is like opening your Christmas presents early.
Anecdotally, I have heard that many in your position are disappointed when told the gender at a scan but rarely is someone disappointed at the birth.
Also, pretty sure the not knowing made me push harder.
And at least I could announce a gender. With so many pregnancies now, the only 'news' after the birth is the child's weight.

Rafflesway · 26/02/2015 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackBettyBamALam · 26/02/2015 22:43

I have 2 DCs and asked at the scan both times. For me it was a practical thing in that I wanted to have everything ready ahead of time. We didn't tell many people though until the baby arrived.

PtolemysNeedle · 26/02/2015 22:44

I found out both times. First time I had a preference, and wanted to get used to it either way, second time was just for fun.

It's exciting enough meeting your new baby properly, I don't think the experience lost anything because I knew which gender I was having, and if anything it added to the pregnancy experience.

I don't get why people feel they're doing something almost naughty if they find out the gender at the scan, it seems weird

nickelbarapasaurus · 26/02/2015 22:45

we didn't find out the sex as we didn't want anybody gender stereotyping.

We still don't know what her gender is Wink

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 26/02/2015 22:48

I'm lost with that!

I am tempted then not to find out, if I can force myself to be patient. Found out with DC1 - no preference, didn't mind. With DC2 I did have a preference and didn't find out but I was convinced she was a boy and she wasn't!

I think this one is a girl but it's partly wishful thinking, perhaps.

OP posts:
RatMort · 26/02/2015 22:49

Of course. Why wouldn't you? Its just another piece of information you can now have about your in utero baby, along with its head circumference or thigh length. It's either going to be a girl or a boy, so it's not like the result either way is going to be surprising when it's born - I don't quite get the 'spoiling the surprise' position.

If you have a preference and the baby is the other sex (not gender!), you'll have time to get over it if you gone out now.

DustyCropHopper · 26/02/2015 22:49

I didn't with any of my three. For 1 thing, at the time you had to pay privately to have it done and we had better things to spend the money on at the time. Now it is offered as part of the anomaly scan locally but I don't think I would. Partly because, while I knew I would be happy whatever we had, I felt particularly with ds2 and 3 that if there was any chance of me feeling disappointed with the sex of the baby it would last only moments (if at all) with my newborn child in front of me.
Catsize does sum up a lot of how I feel though.

Pancakeflipper · 26/02/2015 22:51

We didn't.

I said DP could decide if we did or not.
He selected 'surprise'. I tried to persuade him otherwise but he was sticking to his guns.

And to be honest looking to see what I had given birth to (for both children) is a memory that makes me smile. And I got to use the baby name book for both sections so I got my monies worth.

RatMort · 26/02/2015 22:51

If you find out now, I meant.

rockinrobintweet · 26/02/2015 22:51

we didn't find out. kept the magic and excitement alive even when my ankles were swollen and i was wobbling around my workplace!

as a PP said i think it helped me push a little harder too.

in your case i certainly wouldn't!

HootyMcTooty · 26/02/2015 22:56

I didn't find out with either, but I didn't care what sex my babies were. I also liken it to opening a Christmas present early.

ghostyslovesheep · 26/02/2015 22:58

I found out all three times - 3 girls

Really because - with number 3 - her sisters where older and wanted to know. But I like to plan - by the time she was born she had a name and I had been using it for weeks - I felt like I knew her already

it's still a surprise at 20 or 40 weeks

CunningCat · 26/02/2015 22:59

I asked to know the sex of my twins so I could prepare in advance. But with my previous 2 single DC's I didn't. It is your choice.

DisappointedOne · 26/02/2015 22:59

We did, for 3 reasons. 1, it halved the number of arguments about names; 2, having lost a brother to a genetic abnormality (died a few hours after birth) I had anxiety about having a boy and 3, my mother couldn't bear the idea of all the medical staff knowing and not her (and as she was 6000 miles away it seemed a small thing to do).

Luckily, it was a girl.

OttiliaVonBCup · 26/02/2015 22:59

Why don't people use sex? Are they prude?
Sex.
Sex.
There.
It's not that hard.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 26/02/2015 23:00

I'm with RatMort. I don't get what the surprise is - it's a boy or it's a girl. Hardly the most mind blowing surprise in the world. "What? you had a GIRL?! WOW! I never saw that coming in a million years!!!!"

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/02/2015 23:06

I did, didn't see any reason not to, the technology is there to be used.

elQuintoConyo · 26/02/2015 23:08

We found out. It was such a shock to be pregnant, I couldn't have waited 9 months to find out.

But, that was me/us. Only you can decide. I think Catsize's post makes a lot of sense.

Congratulations OP Flowers

SaucyJack · 26/02/2015 23:09

I found out.

I'm also not above opening Xmas presents and taping them back up.

Mrsbird311 · 26/02/2015 23:12

I had a scan at 20 weeks and again at eight months with one of the top consultants at the Whittington , he kindly told me I was having a baby girl, my son is now 14!!!!

JoffreyBaratheon · 26/02/2015 23:13

My oldest kid is 25 and a few months before I was pregnant, the hospital had changed their policy to telling no-one the gender because they had had a problem with women from certain communities aborting female babies. I was gutted as I really wanted to know. But three years later, when I had my second kid, they had changed it back and let you ask - so I did. And for all the rest of my kids, we were allowed to know.

I'd be curious if other women who had kids in the late 80s/early 90s had the same experience or if that was unique to the city where we then lived? They were quite open about why they wouldn't tell the gender. I wanted sons and only sons - I was very lucky and had all boys.

RueDeWakening · 26/02/2015 23:14

DC1: didn't find out.
DC 2, 3 & 4: found out purely for practical reasons and halving the number of names we had to come up with! Only 1 of them survived the birth though, and subsequently we had...
DC 5: found out because we had the previous time.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 26/02/2015 23:16

Same Saucy Grin

Ottilia it's the primary school jokes. You know, where it says "sex?" and people went through a stage of writing "yes please!"

I have used "gender" since then haha.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 26/02/2015 23:16

I found out with DC2 and DC3. The only reason I didn't find out with DC1 is that the hospital's policy was not to tell.