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AIBU?

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Original poster

to ask if you found out the gender or not?

160 replies

turquoiseamethyst · 26/02/2015 22:33

expecting DC3 in July, and the 20 week scan is fast approaching.

I am dithering about whether to find out the gender or not. I am a little concerned as I have to admit I do have a preference, I know it won't matter when he or she arrives but I'm focusing on it heavily at the moment.

On the one hand I think if I find out and it's my "preferred" gender I'll feel relieved but I think I may also feel sad, as if I rejected the other gender. I know that sounds stupid; I am when I am pregnant. It does also make organising things a bit easier. I can also tell DC1 (dc2 is still only a baby) whether they are having a brother or a sister.

On the other, if it isn't my preferred gender I won't feel "disappointed" when I give birth. But then I don't think I would anyway.

I suppose I am just interested in what others did and why :)

OP posts:
Sensethismakesnone · 26/02/2015 23:23

We didn't find out and loved not knowing. I wouldn't find out if we were to have another baby. Each to their own, if people feel it's very important to know beforehand or you're desperate for a particular gender then go for it. I suppose it makes it easier for practical reasons and you can pick a name quicker. That wasn't a big deal for us, we had a couple of names and bought neutral things. When it comes to it all you really care about is that your baby's ok.
I had a difficult pregnancy and we had to go for several scans as there were a few concerns about the baby. Yes 'the technology is there' and most hospitals are happy to tell you, but the 20 week scan is an anomaly scan, not a gender scan and a lot of people I know don't seem to realise that. The purpose of it is to check the health of your baby, not to tell you whether to buy blue or pink.
Plus, if you don't find out, you get that great Hollywood moment in the hospital of 'it's a BOY!' Or 'GIRL!' :)

nickelbarapasaurus · 26/02/2015 23:23

But "gender " is incorrect.
Sex refers to the physical boy/girl and gender refers to the psychological masculine/feminine

wartsnall · 26/02/2015 23:53

Yep, with both of mine!
I had their names picked from then too.

CunningCat · 26/02/2015 23:56

Yes nick,
Sex = biological
Gender = psychological/social construct.

OhMjh · 26/02/2015 23:57

We did. DP was struggling to feel connected to a very unplanned pregnancy ( coil fell put without my knowing) so we decided to find out what we were having - knowing he was going to be daddy to a little girl and being able to call her by her name helped him more than I can express.

We wouldn't find out with another though.

Pangurban · 27/02/2015 00:12

No. I would have felt it was tempting fate. It may not be rational, but I was going to be so grateful if everything went ok, that it would have felt presumptuous.

popcornpaws · 27/02/2015 00:13

I didn't want to know the sex of my baby before the birth, i don't see the point of it, how much more organised can you be because you know if its a girl or boy?
It wasn't really the done thing back when i was pregnant although the option was there.
A colleague that was pregnant found out the sex, picked the name and paid for 4D scans to see what she looked like before the birth, then posted them on Facebook, i just can't get my head round that!

cuttiesandmoveon · 27/02/2015 00:20

No - with none of my three. And am so glad. It was magical finding out if I had a son or a daughter on the birthday of that new little person.

Of course meeting the baby is exciting enough, but finding out on the day they arrive is another exciting factor!

ChaosTrulyReigns · 27/02/2015 00:24

Nope.

With none of mine.

Always curious about how you get ready fir these babies? How does knowing the sex enable you to get ready more easily?

Fanjango · 27/02/2015 00:27

I found out with dc4. Wanted to know which clothes to save from my growing b/g twins Grin
Had to pay £90 for the privilege as in one of the only areas that only started doing sexing scans about 6 years ago Shock

BackforGood · 27/02/2015 00:34

No we didn't with any of ours.
I'm in the 'It's a bit like opening your present early' camp.
I don't get the "We wanted to prepare / get everything ready" thinking - er.... we all do that, but not everyone feels the need to decorate the room or buy equipment that would be different for a girl or for a boy. They will be a baby, it doesn't matter what their sex is when you are buying equipment / clothes / decorating.

foolserrand · 27/02/2015 00:51

We have 3 dc. I found out the sex for all. Dc1 is a boy, dc2 is a girl. I was desperate for ds2. But we found we were expecting dd2. My acceptance was instant. My love for the child never faltered.

I'm a very easy going person though. So my reaction may not be the norm!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/02/2015 00:55

No. I wanted a surprise. It's like opening a Christmas present before Christmas. I think the not knowing further adds to the excitement

MrsTedCrilly · 27/02/2015 01:43

I wanted to know, it helped me bond with him while he was cooking! Smile

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 27/02/2015 01:47

No, yes in that order. Second time I had a preference and didn't want to risk being disapointed on the day if the baby was the other gender. I didn't tell anyone because DH didn't want to know and it was fun having my own secret.

OttiliaVonBCup · 27/02/2015 02:13

But OP you're not in primary anymore.
Presumably.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 27/02/2015 02:31

We found out the sex (not gender!!) of dc1 when I was about 30 weeks pregnant. We hadn't wanted to know before, but I had a very problematic pregnancy from 24 weeks onwards, and was admitted to hospital, scanned 2 or 3 times each week and sometimes daily.

It seemed madness to me that all the staff must have known what I was having, but I didn't. I eventually asked, and it also helped me to bond with the baby before birth.

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 27/02/2015 02:40

We found out both times because Dh wanted to. It made no difference either way. I don't think it spoils the surprise - its just the surprise is a bit earlier (and as PP says, theres only 2 possibilities).

If you re the type of person who buys only blue or pink then finding out at the birth won't stop you doing that.

OttiliaVonBCup · 27/02/2015 02:42

I didn't find out.
It didn't matter anyway.

Jengnr · 27/02/2015 04:09

Of course. I can't imagine why anybody wouldn't tbh. I know people don't and more power to their elbow but I don't understand it.

I can't wait for my anomaly scan so we can find out with this one. :)

PinkyAndTheBump · 27/02/2015 04:13

We got sonographer to write down the sex in a sealed envelope. We then drew a raffle at a party for a relative to open the envelope.

It's our first, and we just wanted to know!

Want2bSupermum · 27/02/2015 04:32

Didn't find out with the first as I was quite sure I was having a girl and DH had made comments about him wanting a son to play football with. DH has been totally in love with dd since day 1!

With our 2nd we found out because we wanted to give them a name that DD would be used to. DS turned 2 yesterday and she still calls him baby. Very happy we found out as it did help dd accept her brother.

fizzycolagurlie · 27/02/2015 04:49

We found out both times. To be fair it would have been difficult not to know given the sophistication of the later ultra-sounds, but we wanted to know - we wanted to know everything we could possibly know before we were thrust into the unknown when the babies arrived.

TheNewStatesman · 27/02/2015 04:49

If you have to travel overseas with the baby not long after birth, you may have to start passport application procedures before birth. So it is helpful if you can choose the name!

fizzycolagurlie · 27/02/2015 04:50

You can't start application procedures before birth.

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