AIBU to be disappointed not to have an engagement ring?

[finlaythecat]

My partner popped the question on Christmas eve and we are over the moon. He made a homemade ring for the occasion which I love and which will always be 'The Ring' but is not suitable to actually wear.

We went ring shopping together in early January and he had no idea about cost of rings so it was all quite a suprise to him! I would like a platinum ring so I can wear it every day and my job is quite hands on. The rings we've looked at have been around £1000-£1500.

We have a good amount of savings and several of the jewellers we went into offer payment in installments etc. However, DP has said he doesnt want to use any of our savings and does not want to buy it on credit. We are not badly off financially and hopefully in May he will be becoming a partner in his business, leading to a big salary increase.

In the mean time we are paying to have several rooms plastered, carpeted etc and our garden cleared.

AIBU to be sad about not having a ring 2 months down the line and that everything else is taking priority financially? I know I sound like a complete spoiled brat and it is a big luxury but I feel like he is not interested at all.

YANBU to want an engagement ring OP! I would feel exactly the same (and probably get myself one).

Have you set a date? That'd be what I would focus on. He'll let you have a wedding ring, will he?

why do you need it to be platinum so you can wear it every day?

i have been wearing my ring for 21 years, every single day bar a few months when i lost it. during that time it was buried in the mud on a hillside. i work in a primary school and am constantly using my hands, washing my hands, using clay, glue, paint etc and my ring is in tip top condition.

it cost a few hundred pounds and is 18carat gold.

i am sure that you would have a ring on your finger if you weren't so fussed about having a very expensive ring!

Why not get a diamond set wedding ring?

Lots of people I know don't wear their engagement ring when they get married anyway, so this way you could focus on saving for a really stunning wedding ring.

And YANBU!

yy to that gymboy mine is 18 carat too and I haven't taken it off for 12 years so far OP

Yanbu about the ring.

Yabu about the platinum though IMO.

My mother's wedding band is silver and lasted 28years of marriage, has been with me for the decade since she died. She was a nurse/childminder/youth worker/outreach worker/SAHM. She knocked down internal walls and built external sheds. She wielded ajax and babywipes and sandpaper and cement during her marriage. Her silver ring survived fine.

If you don't want to use savings or credit and don't have the cost in your current account then you cannot afford a platinum ring. Sorry. Tell your DF you would like an ACTUAL ring to wear day-to-day to reflect your status as his fiance and then agree together a price bracket he feels is rational.

Well, you cant' help how you feel so no, you're not unreasonable for being disappointed. However, I have to say I'm with your partner on this one. It sounds like you need to have some work done on your home and that he feels that takes financial priority. He doesn't want to use savings or use credit - again, sounds sensible as they need replacing/paying back and you have other financial commitments at the moment.

You've decided to get married - a happy time for both of you. Why does the ring undermine that so much? And would you seriously feel ok with wearing 1500 on your hand every day?

Only platinum can be worn every day??

Gym, sorry but £1000-1500 for a ring that OP plans to wear every day of her life isn't that expensive these days.

OP, have you expressed this to your intended? Not in a pouty way, but just say clearly and calmly that you'd like a ring for your finger. Now. Just tell him it's important to you - he may not actually know and he's probably not a mindreader. BTW congratulations!

Why not get a nice but cheaper one until he is prepared to spend that amount on one?
My Ring cost about £100 in the sale and I have worn it daily for 5 years and still good as new

£1500 for a ring is obscene, esp if you don't have the money.

Yanbu to want an engagement ring, but yabu to want such an expensive one. What's wrong with gold?

I have a white gold engagement ring that I wear every day. It cost under £300 and it is one that dh picked himself before he proposed. I didn't know what it was like until he proposed. He knew I didn't want him spending a lot on a ring. I suppose it depends if the cost/type of ring is more important or he sentiment behind it,

Gym, sorry but £1000-1500 for a ring that OP plans to wear every day of her life isn't that expensive these days.

i am sorry but yes it is! especially if you don't have that money to hand.

Thanks everyone. Maybe I am being unreasonable. Everyone I have spoken to- friends, colleagues, jewellers have recommended platinum for it's durability and I'm not sure about having to have a white gold ring replated periodically.
I think I'm most narked that everything else is more important to him but I see a ring as an important part of our relationship as fiancees.

OP, is it the colour that you like about platinum? White gold is almost identical (this is what I have) and less expensive than platinum.

I like Glittering's idea about a wedding ring with a diamond - but that might not be to your taste.

£1500 for a piece of jewellery??? you're not being unreasonable to want a ring, OP, but crikey that's a lot of money to spend!

I love jewelery but i will choose plastered walls over a ring every time.

Have you shopped for your wedding ring already? Maybe you can choose something extra special to compensate. I mean one amazing ring instead of two nice ones.

Have you costed out the specific difference between a white gold and a platinum setting (on the same ring)?

Why platinum specifically? You can get white gold replated when it wears and it looks shinier and newer. I know platinum is harder wearing in that it can be polished down and not lose any of it's weight, however it does scratch and scuff fairly easily. If your job is that hands on do you really want to be wearing a ring in case you catch it?

YANBU! Congratulations too. That is not expensive for something you will hopefully wear and enjoy for years to come. Explain this to him but I would be worried if you have the money ( as seems to be the case) but he just doesn't want to spend it on you.

I'm sure you'll get a ring if you lower your expectations in terms of expenditure.
I'm always rather surprised though if it's so important to the status of the relationship why only women expect to wear them.

Why would it be worrying if he doesn't prioritise spending on jewellery?

at £1500 being obscene. Considering many people take home more than that a month, and you plan on wearing it for the rest of your life, I don't think the cost is at all extravagant.