AIBU to be disappointed not to have an engagement ring?

[finlaythecat]

My partner popped the question on Christmas eve and we are over the moon. He made a homemade ring for the occasion which I love and which will always be 'The Ring' but is not suitable to actually wear.

We went ring shopping together in early January and he had no idea about cost of rings so it was all quite a suprise to him! I would like a platinum ring so I can wear it every day and my job is quite hands on. The rings we've looked at have been around £1000-£1500.

We have a good amount of savings and several of the jewellers we went into offer payment in installments etc. However, DP has said he doesnt want to use any of our savings and does not want to buy it on credit. We are not badly off financially and hopefully in May he will be becoming a partner in his business, leading to a big salary increase.

In the mean time we are paying to have several rooms plastered, carpeted etc and our garden cleared.

AIBU to be sad about not having a ring 2 months down the line and that everything else is taking priority financially? I know I sound like a complete spoiled brat and it is a big luxury but I feel like he is not interested at all.

Have you thought about getting an antique ring? They are actually much cheaper. My ring was £900. My husband had looked into getting a very similar one new and the price was around £3000!

A lot of ppl are sugesting antique rings. Out of curiosite where does one find those?

Sorry for all the nosy questions, i love jewely but have been years since i have bought any

I posted earlier, and haven't had a chance to check in since. Someone asked me what I bought DH to mark occasion - answer an Omega watch. Diamonds, if you have a large budget are an investment. A reputable jeweller in Hatton Garden (or anywhere) will provide certificates for your diamonds which will allow you to sell them on if you wish. If you are in the fortunate position of owning valuable diamonds, your insurance will request regular valuations to be done to show the increase in value. This thread is not about spending loads (although I am in favour of that for something you wear daily for the rest of your life if you can afford it), but about the OP being unhappy she has no ring which to her (like many) is a big part of promising to marry each other.

Crikey. Thought I'd stepped back to the 50s. Can't believe people still buy into this unequal crap. What is it for exactly? Apart from to wave your hand around saying look at my expensive ring. Why should a woman have something worth thousands and the man nothing?

Antique rings - unless you know your stuff you will pay over the odds for the age and design, but actual diamond/stone value likely to be poor. Better off if it is something you want to retain value going for new. If just something to look wonderful and treasure than antique a lovely option.

I think some people are being a bit harsh. I don't think you are being unreasonable. The heart wants what the heart wants any you have your heart set on platinum so that is what you should have.
£1500 is not a lot of money to spend on an engagement ring these days. Isn't it traditional to spend a months wages? And they do have savings to hand don't they? Those saying it's and obscene amount of money are going a bit overboard. I don't know anyone that's spent less than that in my age bracket ( late 20s/early 30s) and I don't mix in massively affluent circles. Friends are teachers,nurses etc. Obviously if you were at Uni or something it would be a different matter. Tell you partner it is important to you.
And for what it's worth don't buy from a shop. Get it from an online dealer. You get more bang for your buck. Mine was from zs diamonds.

Nolim if you're looking for an antique ring, this is a good site:
www.laurelleantiquejewellery.co.uk/categories/Antique-Rings/

No YANBU to be disappointed, but in reality your partner is making a lot of sense in wanting to spend money on other things.

I never got an engagement ring from DH - I got over it by insisting on having a wedding ring with diamonds in. And then insisting on a half-eternity ring for our first anniversary.

Antique rings can be found in lots of antique shops, but there are also specialist antique jewellery shops around. I have seen them in various places!

I love these threads where people deny they like to have something special. If you go into style pages here people will happily be encouraging each other to spend thousands on a handbag, but god forbid you suggest jewellery from a man - you must be a totally controlled woman unable to function in the modern world. I bet tonnes of women bought their husbands something for the engagement or wedding. I did. It's a gift to mark a major celebration. If your DH bought you a car would people be saying my goodness how do you cope with that Mercedes? You should have insisted on a 15 year old Golf? (For the record I have a very old wreck).

Old wreck is the car. Not the husband!

YANBU OP. I agree with palladium as a cheaper option instead of platinum.

PMSL at all the comments about self-respecting women not caring about their engagement ring. I have oodles of self-respect and a very beautiful and expensive engagement ring. I'm not especially interested in clothes or jewellery generally but I love my engagement and wedding rings and they have attracted lots of compliments. I adore them and they make me happy every time I see them, even when I'm running about like a savage in muddy boots and a fleece chasing DC :o

I think you're getting a hard time too, OP.

Threads about engagement rings and weddings always seem to go a bit Four Yorkshiremen on MN.

I would vouch for palladium too. I have a platinum wedding ring ( as dh got me a platinum engagement ring) but dh got a palladium wedding ring and you can barely see the difference between the two rings.

Why, would you feel differently if the OP was dragging her heels when her OP felt she should be prepared to spend one and a half grand from their house renovation savings on a blingy piece of jewellery for him? Would she be accused of being miserly for not wanting to go into debt for his diamond tie-pin?

Or is it all different because Diamonds Are Forever and it's All Symbolic?

My engagement ring, when I was working in a gap year between Uni and teacher training and dh was a medical student, cost £29 from Ratners - cubic Zircona and 9ct gold.

Apart from when I got water retention in pregnancy (x3) I've worn it practically every day (also have a plain 9ct wedding band) since - we got engaged Jan 1993, married Dec 1994. Still looks great. It's what it means, not what it costs!

My yellow gold diamond solitaire engagement ring is 40+ years old. Never off my finger, apart from cleaning, and still looks amazing.

I'd second the recommendations to look at Blue Nile - I have several items from there and love them. Including my engagement ring ( a replacement for the original which no longer fitted and couldn't be sized down enough) I'd also say white gold is fine tbh.

I think I only know of one woman who doesn't wear their engagement ring after marriage. Actually make that two - one lost hers! But everyone else I know wears both.

And, I got my DH an engagement ring too. I will freely admit it was cheaper than mine, for the very simple reason that we knew he would not wear it after we got married - wears his wedding ring instead and two bands side by side would have been a bit uncomfortable.

I work for a jewellers. when you buy new jewellery, 50-70% (depending on where it's purchased from) is just profit for that jeweller/company.
I would never buy new jewellery ever again. like buying a car, it depreciated as soon as it becomes "pre-owned"

I sell second hand jewellery and the stigma of 2nd hand engagement rings seems to be shifting.

I'm with CamilleBordey - heaven forbid you desire a lovely piece of jewellery symbolic to you as clearly you're a total idiot for having bought into deBeers marketing campaign and if you're desiring anything other than a hula hoop on your finger than you have bigger problems in your life you materialistic caaahhh!
Christ on a bike, OP I too would be desperately disappointed to be 2 months on and still not have an engagement ring, a symbol important to you.
FWIW, I don't give a tiny rats ass that a engagement ring is the last bastion of the patriarch, I loved receiving mine and I'm very grateful that my DH has exceptional taste in diamonds. And yes, I bought him his much loved Tag Heuer as an engagement gift too.

If you want a white metal ring then do definitely invest in platinum. I have platinum but with hindsight would happily have yellow gold as you get more for your money. My friend got a ring off ebay almost a carat for less that £500

Strokethefurrywall - hula hoop

I think we need to forget the symbolism. Her fiancé has made a ring but it's not expensive enough to be 'really' symbolic. That's how I'm reading it!

Re white gold. Don't buy it if you have a nickel allergy. I do but didn't realise white gold contains a tiny amount off nickel. My two colour gold very cheap wedding ring gave me nasty blisters on my finger during the honeymoon. Had the inside plated with yellow gold when we got back but it wore off. When I inherited some money I used £600 to buy a platinum replacement. No more itchy blisters

There's the ring I wanted and the ring that dh could realistically afford as Indian want him paying a fortune every month for a year plus. So we got the smaller stone, slimmer band. Dh was worried that it wasn't enough but I felt I was getting him the ring was icing

heaven forbid you desire a lovely piece of jewellery symbolic to you as clearly you're a total idiot for having bought into deBeers marketing campaign and if you're desiring anything other than a hula hoop on your finger than you have bigger problems in your life you materialistic caaahhh!

I know you were meaning to be sarcastic, but I actually think that. Sincerely.

Why not just be happy OP, to have found the person you want to spend your life with and have that reciprocated?