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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be disappointed not to have an engagement ring?

299 replies

finlaythecat · 26/02/2015 14:40

My partner popped the question on Christmas eve and we are over the moon. He made a homemade ring for the occasion which I love and which will always be 'The Ring' but is not suitable to actually wear.

We went ring shopping together in early January and he had no idea about cost of rings so it was all quite a suprise to him! I would like a platinum ring so I can wear it every day and my job is quite hands on. The rings we've looked at have been around £1000-£1500.

We have a good amount of savings and several of the jewellers we went into offer payment in installments etc. However, DP has said he doesnt want to use any of our savings and does not want to buy it on credit. We are not badly off financially and hopefully in May he will be becoming a partner in his business, leading to a big salary increase.

In the mean time we are paying to have several rooms plastered, carpeted etc and our garden cleared.

AIBU to be sad about not having a ring 2 months down the line and that everything else is taking priority financially? I know I sound like a complete spoiled brat and it is a big luxury but I feel like he is not interested at all.

OP posts:
whippetwoman · 26/02/2015 16:27

You could get a beautiful ring at from the Jewellery Quarter in Brimingham that would be cheaper than high st prices by at least 1/3 but more like 1/2.
You certainly wouldn't need to spend £1,500. I have a 3/4 carat diamond eternity ring that has been valued at £1,800 but cost £900 from the jewellery quarter. You could have a bespoke ring made there too.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 26/02/2015 16:29

Have you thought about palladium? It's just as hard as platinum but cheaper. DH's ring is palladium.

White gold you'll have to get replated and your wedding ring will have to be white gold else it'll rub.

My engagement ring is platinum and wasn't £1500, where did you look? Try a jewellery quarter where you can haggle rather than high street. There's nothing wrong with wanting platinum, not everyone likes gold.

tak1ngchances · 26/02/2015 16:32

I'd have been really devastated if there was no ring 2 months after getting engaged.
Getting engaged for me means down on one knee, father consulted, ring in box or out shopping for a ring next day, announcement in the paper, the works.
Why? Because it'll only happen to me once and I want it to be the real deal.
If someone paid for wall plastering rather than my engagement ring, I would probably not marry them.

landrover · 26/02/2015 16:35

Ask him to go and get you one! Sorted xx

Rippedjeans · 26/02/2015 16:35

OP have a look at Bluenile.co.uk they are certified diamonds so you know exactly what you are getting but they cut out the middle man so you get a much better price.
I also understand where you are coming from, I would have been really disappointed not having a ring two months after the engagement, it's the first thing people ask to see when you tell them you're engaged.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 26/02/2015 16:36

Once the wedding ring is on most people take their engagement ring off anyway, wearing both looks and just is a bit weird

Most people? No one I know. All my friends wear their engagement and wedding ring, including me. I fail to see what's weird about it.

FlabbyMummy · 26/02/2015 16:36

I am sure that the jeweller wasn't thinking about his commission when he recommended platinum?!

queenofthemountains · 26/02/2015 16:38

I've got a white gold engagement ring and wedding band I didn't realise it needed replating its still white gold looking after 15 years, its not a shiny as when I got it, now I'm looking at it closely but surely that's what you want after a long time, something that is lived in.

As pp said head to the jewellery quarter in Birmingham, mine is from there its lovely and individual, or try this bloke, I love his jewellery, he made our wedding bands. Its my favourite shop in Lewes.

www.davidsmithjewellery.co.uk/

florascotia · 26/02/2015 16:39

IF you want a ring, then by far the best value is secondhand/vintage/antique. Approx half the price of new, or even less. As an earlier posters have commented, new jewellery loses value the moment it leaves the shop. Many local independent jewellers have a selection of secondhand rings - or could look out for one for you, if you know the sort of thing you like.

Minor point, but, compared with gold, platinum is heavy to wear, as well as costing approx twice as much ( as 18 ct gold, excluding gemstones, if any).

Norland · 26/02/2015 16:39

tak1ngchances

That is one hilarious username. You clearly take no chances whatsoever, if that's your expectations (which leads me to suspect you're on a wind-up)

OP, have a look at this calculator to get an idea of how much he should spend
engagementringcalculator.com/

What you could do, is set expectations about an eternity ring. Such a thing in 10-years time, might be far more financially manageable and will be a suitable reward for you, for putting up with all the annoying habits he has, that you've not discovered yet.

PeasinPod1 · 26/02/2015 16:41

I’m clearly FAR more high maintenance than you (our ring story is regularly told at dinner parties such is the extreme/mad nature of it and my research) BUT still think he is very mean...so he popped the question but hadn't even looked into rings at all, even to see the rough price and the guidelines for budgets etc.? Great research and planning there then, nice to know he’d spent so much time and thought on it all….

Doesn't want you to have a ring despite having savings? I would be absolutely fuming at his meanness.

RatMort · 26/02/2015 16:41

Jesus, AmyElliott - you've really bought the whole DeBeers diamond campaign wholesale, haven't you? 'I felt a bit sad because I wasn't worth buying diamonds for' and the bit about how your current partner said you were 'undervaluing yourself' by only looking at rings that cost £2-300 rather than £1500? Do you actually think of your own value in terms of how much a man is prepared to lay out in diamonds and platinum for you???

Can I also be the one to point out that the idea of the eternity ring isn't some tradition from the mists of time, any more than the idea that the engagement ring should cost a month's salary. It's from an even newer DeBeers marketing campaign from the 1960s, after they got landed with a huge oversupply of small Russian diamonds - too small for the 'traditional' engagement solitaire, so they had to invent a new type of post-wedding ring that could use a lot of small stones.

maggiso · 26/02/2015 16:43

I never had an engagement ring either and it was a sadness few a few years. Dhs father had had a nasty accident with a ring -(finger getting caught by the ring) witnessed by DH as a child and simply could not bear to get me a ring! It was touching in a way, but he just did not understand it from a womens point of view. He bought me a lovely gold chain instead! Dh bought me a fancy wedding ring on our 25th wedding anniversary (my original inexpensive plaited gold wire ring - I insisted on a wedding ring-fell apart and could not be repaired). I did need to drop some heavy hints!! By the way stainless steel is very durable, inexpensive and white in colour. I have a simple wedding style band in SS (my replacement until presented with the posh new one) so don't know if you can get more complex designs but might be worth a look.

ambientolf · 26/02/2015 16:44

You should try looking at a palladium ring. Mine is palladium and it's much tougher then white gold but less expensive then platinum x

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 26/02/2015 16:50

Palladium has only recently been hallmarked which is why it's cheaper.

TheRealMaryMillington · 26/02/2015 16:51

Getting engaged for me means down on one knee, father consulted, ring in box or out shopping for a ring next day, announcement in the paper, the works.
Why? Because it'll only happen to me once and I want it to be the real deal.

Blimey.

Only1scoop · 26/02/2015 16:53

Yanbu....

I'm a bit traditional like that though....

I'd have liked the diamond with the proposal....

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 26/02/2015 16:54

Lotta I know, but I really don't see any harm in it Grin

mousefinkle how does wearing a wedding and engagement ring look weird? Pretty much everyone I know does this, no weirdness here..

Tobyjugg · 26/02/2015 16:59

Once the wedding ring is on most people take their engagement ring off anyway, wearing both looks and just is a bit weird

Hmm I know of nobody who does this. DW, DM, DD, DSIL, the women I work with all wear both rings.

JackSkellington · 26/02/2015 17:06

YANBU to want a ring, but for over £1000? I'd have been upset if DP had paid anywhere near that for mine. But that's just me.

Murphy29 · 26/02/2015 17:09

I don't know anyone who ditched the engagement ring once married - wearing both looks normal, not at all weird. I wear both and eternity ring on other hand.

OP, YANBU. Everyone asks to see the ring when you announce an engagement as it's expected. I wouldn't have felt engaged without it. DH chose it and went for platinum as didn't want to be paying for white gold to be replated all the time.

Oh and I bought DH a full kilt outfit when we got engaged so I didn't just demand jewellery and expect him to get nothing.

adsy · 26/02/2015 17:15

Once the wedding ring is on most people take their engagement ring off anyway, wearing both looks and just is a bit weird
really? everyone I know wears both.
Mine is worth 7K and I still wear it all day every day. i take it to a jewellers once a year be cleaned and make sure none of the settings are loose.I still admire t a few times a day.
( btw we got a very good deal where it was half price in a antique jewellers sale and it's since doubled in value as well)

Pokeymont · 26/02/2015 17:25

FloggingMolly
What is the point of an engagement ring 5 years after the wedding? Such fucking nonsense...

Charming! Hmm I love my 'rectrospective' engagement ring. It's not fucking nonsense - it's a beautiful ring that makes me think of my DH.

StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 26/02/2015 17:31

Could you look for a vintage ring? My engagement ring is a vintage ruby and 18k gold ring, it's turn of the century, really beautiful and cost a fraction of what a new one would have. And it's unique too. I always get complimented on it.