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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to be home soon

266 replies

notnow2 · 21/02/2015 01:13

I have to leave for work at 6am. He will be looking after our dc (7,5,3) all day until 9pm. He has gone out after work as it is his last day there. I warned him I was working. He is terrible for not waking up after a drink. I am worried I will not be able to go to work if he is much later Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
notnow2 · 21/02/2015 06:29

I can't relax - the kids will no something is up. What am I going to do.

OP posts:
Mixtape · 21/02/2015 06:30

I feel for you OP, been here many times in the past.

sebsmummy1 · 21/02/2015 06:31

OP you wait, he will appear with a thousand excuses.

hesterton · 21/02/2015 06:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoggleHoggle · 21/02/2015 06:33

Poor you OP. Would it put your mind at rest at all to call local hospitals? Not that I think he's there at all - he will be on someone's sofa! - but once you know he's not there would that be one thing off your mind at least?

Original poster
notnow2 · 21/02/2015 06:36

I've called 2 people but no answer.

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 21/02/2015 06:36

had he been in the job for a long time? Was it a big deal for him to be leaving? I ask because leaving a job can be a hugely emotional event, particularly if you have been working right up to the last moment on smooth handover etc, so maybe he just got drunk quicker than he was expecting to, or his colleagues were keeping the refills coming faster than he realised.

He's been an arse not to have found some way of contacting you, or to have arranged a replacement phone in advance of giving up his work one, but he's probably fine. If it was another woman he'd probably have made sure he did contact you with some plausible sounding excuse about missing last train and staying on a sofa. Not contacting you points more to passing out and being looked after by a mate who didn't know your number.

Arsenic · 21/02/2015 06:37

He's bound to turnup soon.

If DC wake up first, make light and say that 'Daddy seems to have missed the last train and will probably catch the first one home this morning'. Probably not much point/value in trying to entirely disguise your irritation with this thoughtlessness, though.

Don't lie to them and claim to know what's going on (in case you turn out to be wrong), just be reassuring and project confidence he will be home soon.

gamerchick · 21/02/2015 06:37

He'll have crashed out on somebody's settee. Some people are selfish twats really aren't they.

If you had gone out on the lash and not come home so your bloke could have gone to work. What would happen then?

NerrSnerr · 21/02/2015 06:39

He'll be pissed up somewhere, if something bad had happened the police would have been in touch. He's just being a dick

Arsenic · 21/02/2015 06:41

Agree the lack of contact suggests lavish alcohol intake and he is probably asleep at someone else's house.

dragonfly007 · 21/02/2015 06:41

Hope he turns up soon and you are ok Flowers

BitOutOfPractice · 21/02/2015 06:43

Oh blimey. As I went through this thread looking at the time stamps I was thinking "oh he's bound to be home now" but still no sign of him. What a selfish thing to do.

Hope you're ok op

Arkkorox · 21/02/2015 06:44

What an arse :( hope you're alright OP

PeaceOfWildThings · 21/02/2015 06:54

Hope you are ok OP and this gets sorted out.
He needs his own phone. YWNBU to expect him home, even if he'd seen last orders, he'd have been back home (ofor on train home if a commuter) before you posted the thread.

Mumbehavingbadly · 21/02/2015 06:55

Tiredness won't be helping you think through this calmly.

The children are up/ nearly up you need to get your game face on for them.

Cbeebies/DVD on the box and all snuggled up under a duvet on the sofa. You get in with them and snooze. Snuggling them will be comforting and you need your strength for the rest of the day.

When your H (I've left the D off because quite clearly today he isn't) gets in ... And he will be back soon... Tell him you've called on sick and send him to bed. Neither of you will be in a fit state to discuss this now.

You have a quiet day with the children and later when he resurfaces you need to have a serious conversation with your H.

It was his last day. He probably got very drunk and he's messed up. I could forgive that but I would want very sincere apologies and some serious grovelling and assurance that it will never happen again.

Then let it go.

If he's not back by lunchtime-let the police know (they won't do anything but at least they'll be aware) and call friends/family to come sit with you.

I hope this is helpful. I always find if I have a plan in worrying situations I can keep calmer and function better knowing my deadlines and what I am going to do when they come.

Hope it all works out. Try to get some rest.

rootypig · 21/02/2015 06:56

So sorry OP. I hope he turns up so you can kick his sorry arse

What are you going to do about the kids: do you have anyone nearby who can pop over and help keep up a veneer of cheeriness? otherwise, up, breakfast and hit the park has always been my recipe for sanity on the worst mornings.

Tealady1983 · 21/02/2015 07:02

Hope he turns up soon op with bags of apologies at the very least x

pantsjustpants · 21/02/2015 07:03

I had this happen to me just before Christmas, it's a horrible thing to have to go through. Even if everything is roses, we were also going through a bumpy patch, you can't help but think the worst.

You need to get yourself a plan of action. Sort out what you're feeding and doing with the kids when they get up to start with.

My dh didn't show up until 12.45pm, I was putting his bags on the doorstep at 1pm. It went beyond staying at a mates getting drunk, and into taking the piss.

squaretoes · 21/02/2015 07:03

Hope he has turned up OP, what an absolute shitbag.

Writerwannabe83 · 21/02/2015 07:09

I sincerely hope he has turned up and he is safe.

However, I would be fucking furious!!!

Primaryteach87 · 21/02/2015 07:10

Thing of you OP. Hope he's turned up. X

hestialou · 21/02/2015 07:13

If he knows your in work at six, he couldve borrowed a phone and rung, sadly men don't... Hope he turns up and then should leave him to look after kids and you go out.

PeaceOfWildThings · 21/02/2015 07:21

'Sadly men don't '?! The men I know wouldn't treat anyone like this!

He could be in hospital, or a police station, or with another woman or safely tucked up in a work friend's spare bed. Really hope the OP is still asleep, or at least just busy with DCs now, and hasn't had a call out from the police in the early hours. Sad

CluelessDil · 21/02/2015 07:24

I've been there, not as bad as overnight, more 'I'll definitely be home on the last train' but then not answering the phone/battery died and wandering in hours later

It's infuriating and terrifying. Your emotions will be swinging from complete anger to complete worry and panic. My DH hasn't done it for years because the last time around one Christmas he walked home because he couldn't get a taxi, after calling his friends and finding out what time he left I was in a major panic, one of his friends who hadn't been drinking even went searching the canal path, but he came home (with icicles on his beard) and because the time it took him to walk home he was completely sober he could see first hand the worry and anxiety he caused. I was so relieved he was ok but couldn't even look at him.

Sorry for waffling on I honestly think he's gotten blind drunk and one of his work mates has offered him the couch. He needs to understand what he's put you through and the fact he has responsibilities today just makes it so much worse.

Will be thinking about you, after giving him an earful please let us know he's home

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