Mean to not have asked him to get off? At the park

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Took ds to the park, it was on the way back from somewhere and getting dark so was only spending 15 minutes there at the most.

The park had completely emptied apart from one little girl. It's a big park, lots to do. Ds headed straight for a single swing, there are other swings but this one is a bit different.

The little girls parents called her to go home all within 60 seconds of us arriving. The little girl started crying that she wanted to go on the swing again before she went and stood by the swing ds was on. She stood there all arms crossed and grumpy faced waiting for him to get off.

For a second I thought I might ask him to let her have a go but thought better of it as she had the whole park to choose from.

Her parents stood there for 2-3 minutes before calling her away.

Ds is the most sharing child you could meet really he's always the one standing at the bottom of the slide letting all the other kids go first, he's always very patiently waiting for toddlers to decide if they want to go down the slide and stopping bigger kids from bashing into them so I thought sod it he's having his turn.

I've had this happen...it's quite a common occurrence really. I just turn my back to the encroaching, ill mannered child in question and patently ignore them until they understand that we're not going jump to, and they give up.

By the same token, I don't allow my kids to hog stuff either.

Manners - it's not difficult.

YWDNBU.
Surely that was an opportunity for her parents to say, 'No, we said we were going home, it's that little boys turn now' teaching her manners, and that when they say its time to leave the park, its definitely time to leave the park.

Exactly what nomama and pictish said. She already had a go. Your DS had literally just got there. The parents obviously just stood there for a couple of minutes waiting for you to give in and take your DS off so the wouldn't have to deal with a tantrum. She will have to learn you can't always get what you want by standing and pouting at people, and her wants are not always going to be at the expense of others.

What if you did take your son off to let her on for a couple of minutes before leaving and she then refused to get off before you had to leave? Would her parents be telling her to get off then because it's your DS's turn? Somehow I doubt it.

I'm with Nomama. I want doesn't get does it.

Not sure why a sulky, pouting little girl trumps a little boy on a swing. She had obviously already been on it and he hadn't. She wanted it because he had it and she didn't want to share the playground.

How old was she?

God this happens all the time. the kid had had ages to play on whatever she liked and chose the second your ds got on the swing to decide she wanted a go too. tough.

I'd not let my child stand there glaring either. If we are going we ate going. not fair to guilt others into things. it's not as if he'd been hogging the swing all afternoon.

Their responsibility to control their child and get her to leave or make her either wait nicely for a go or distract her into playing something else.

your ds is not responsible for the parents quiet life or the girls happiness. your ds would have had to have waited if she was on the swing g

Pyjama in my view YWNBU, but I have to admit that to encourage good sharing instincts in my child and to avoid a scene I might have suggested that he have a go on something else. I wouldn't have done it only to give the child her way.

I'm surprised by the harshness of some of the responses here. Nowadays, a child puts on a whiny voice & a sad face and that means everyone thinks they should get what they want, the poor little thing. Surely this makes a rod for our own backs pandering to this behaviour in this way. Whingeing seems far more accepted nowadays and it means that many kids know that if they want something that the best way to go about it is to put on their best whiny voice.

YWDNBU

YANBU unless by 'this swing was a little bit different' you meant one of those enormous swings that serveral kids can get on and lie down in, in which case you were being a dick not to let her get on.

I don't think you were being unreasonable or mean.

If the little girl wasn't playing on the swing when the park was empty, chances are she only wanted it because another child was on it. There's no reason why your DS should instantly give way to another petulant child.

Obviously if she'd waited a couple of minutes then it would have been time to tell your son to share the swing.

No wonder there are so many spoilt, ill mannered DC about nowadays if people really think strangers should give into their children above their own.

YWDNBU! I would have asked the parents to remove their child as she was upsetting my child with her whining.

YWNBU or mean.

I can't bear the fact that some children think they can glare and sulk to get their own way. What sort of example is it setting to your DS, who sounds lovely BTW. The parents sound wet for not pulling her up on it too.

It seems I am mean!

If I was the parent of child on swing I wouldn't have moved him, he would have had a short turn as is always the case if anyone is waiting but I wouldn't have moved him because another child is being demanding and rude.

If I was the parent of the child who wanted to use the swing I would telling them if I had called time to go home I mean it and to come over to me right now and stop messing around. I do usually give them a warning and tell them to choose one last activity to do, if the chosen activity is occupied by another child I encourage them to choose a different one. So in this situation I would suggest they had a last slide/go on the climbing frame/a different swing instead. I wouldn't expect anyone to move for them.

I want my child to learn to be kind and considerate but to me that doesn't they have to give up everything they have just because another child demands it. They have a equal right to a fair use of the play equipment. Same as in Stay and Play they don't have to hand over a toy because another child screams for it (I do enforce a short play if someone else is waiting though and point out it is now waiting child's turn).

I agree with others that this little girl likely chose that swing because another child was on it, a delaying tactic to get her parents to allow her to stay at the park longer.

Just to answer, ds is 6 and she must have been 4-5.

The swing isn't one of those tyre or net swings or I'd have absolutely put them both on it! I'm not a complete arsehole. It's like a weird seat attached to a climbing frame only big enough for one child and it doesn't really 'swing' very much. The normal swings and spider web swings were available.

I'd have given him a fair turn so a few minutes then got him off, but this all happened instantly, as we got there they were going and she decided she wanted another go on the swing. I always give 5 minutes max if another child is waiting.

She definitely said she wanted to go back on the swing or another go on the swing implying she'd been on it.

If she'd said I didn't get a go on that I might have felt differently. But that teamed with us having limited time and the tantrum made me think sod it, she can wait or bugger off.

YWNBU

Sometimes what we want we can't have. Sometimes what we want to use, someone else is using. Tough. It's a valuable life lesson for the little girl. Far better than letting her have her way and ending up with a spoilt madam of an adult who thinks the world owes her a bloody favour!

I'd have done the same. I don't let my kids hog stuff and I make sure they wait their turn nicely and id drag both mine home if they did what this girl did tbh.

That's what I basically do lilicat, I prewarn ds if we're not staying long.

I give him 5 minute warning, then choose a go on one last thing. If he chose something another child was on I'd just say pick something else. I wouldn't stand there staring expecting.

I wonder if some of the posters who would have told their own child to get off and let the little madam girl on instead, are more bothered about pleasing people and seeming 'nice', even to total strangers who don't matter a toot, than what is actually right? I can't imagine why else they would see fit to give in to her irritating behaviour.

I think I know what you mean, those full seat swings are to allow disabled children to swing. You can buy harnesses for them, I assume you would buy one and bring it with you to the park if you had a disabled child. They are definitely not suitable for more than one child.

She maybe just looked big for her age.

I don't think it sounds like the ultimate in manipulative behaviour.

I feel we are not responsible for bringing up other people's kids. Personally if i see another kid around in playpark I make DD get off swing to give them a turn. And she has severe ASD and is obsessed with swinging so it's not so easy.

I refused once when some boy was huffing and puffing and walking in front of DD and saying "I want to go on this swing and I cant". Just ignored him. He was 6 or 7 and very rude.

A crying wee girl I would probably have let on.

She might have been big for her age, who can really say?

I try not to get too much into ages because I've got a tall ds who gets judged as being older. I also know kids have special needs so you can't always link behaviour to age.

Don't see much difference between a big huffy lad and a stroppy little girl other than one might be cuter. Both are bad behaviour and she definitely wasn't a toddler so I'm certain old enough to learn something from it.

And if she was big for her age...so what? What difference does it make - it still wasn't her turn, and it was still down to her parents to take her away, whether she be 3 or 5. OP and her 6 yr old son aren't responsible for her good time, whatever age or however cute she is.

Well I doubt you would change her entire behaviour by one incident of not giving her her own way so personally if my child would be happy to get off I would have let them be the bigger person rather than cause a wee child upset for no reason at all other than to teach her a lesson.

I think YANBU but only because of the arms folded and grumpy face...I wouldn't give in to that either.

But you say "Ds is the most sharing child you could meet really he's always the one standing at the bottom of the slide letting all the other kids go first, he's always very patiently waiting for toddlers to decide if they want to go down the slide and stopping bigger kids from bashing into them so I thought sod it he's having his turn."

So I'm surprised he didn't hop off himself and give her a few minutes as she was going home anyway?

Either way, it's not something I would be giving a second thought to now.

If you are a big meanie then so am I, I would have done exactly the same.