Mean to not have asked him to get off? At the park

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Took ds to the park, it was on the way back from somewhere and getting dark so was only spending 15 minutes there at the most.

The park had completely emptied apart from one little girl. It's a big park, lots to do. Ds headed straight for a single swing, there are other swings but this one is a bit different.

The little girls parents called her to go home all within 60 seconds of us arriving. The little girl started crying that she wanted to go on the swing again before she went and stood by the swing ds was on. She stood there all arms crossed and grumpy faced waiting for him to get off.

For a second I thought I might ask him to let her have a go but thought better of it as she had the whole park to choose from.

Her parents stood there for 2-3 minutes before calling her away.

Ds is the most sharing child you could meet really he's always the one standing at the bottom of the slide letting all the other kids go first, he's always very patiently waiting for toddlers to decide if they want to go down the slide and stopping bigger kids from bashing into them so I thought sod it he's having his turn.

Only on MN are people being perfectly fair still unreasonable no matter what the actions of other people involved are

It's actually hilarious.

like those comedy sketches "after you""no, please, after you" "no I insist, after you"

and so on and on and on.

Wee wee

Snowbells well you werent the parent. And OP wasn't her parent.

Good. You remember it

Fanjo why are you so needlessly chippy on here?

Well I'm not actually being chippy. I just disagree with the majority here and am saying why. Tis allowed.

And I just felt a little upset at people being so happy about a wee girl being upset and teaching her a lesson.

Anyway why are you telling me off as well? Jeeze.

And quoting my "good you remember it" without the grin which i put at the end as I was joking is not very fair really.

Because you were rude to nomamma with no just cause.

It just occurred to me I actually run in to this scenario quite a lot from the other side of things. Our local library has a toy submarine that child can climb on with a steering wheel, it is of course massively popular.

When I take my two year old there be makes a bee line for it and tries to turn the steering wheel. If another child is already playing with the wheel I attempt to redirect him to something else he finds fun*. He doesn't always take that well and has a dramatic temper tantrum. Other parents often rush over and insist their child moves for the baby, the older the child the more insistent the parent is they should give up their turn.

I always thank them but refuse because I like him to learn to wait his turn. He has global developmental delay, speech and language delay and likely autism so getting him to understand this isn't easy and he will kick off but he still needs to learn turn taking and waiting.

I just wanted to mention this because I am on the other side of the argument where my day would be so much easier in the short term if I let people always allow him to go first but in the long term I would be making things harder for myself.

I don't think the little girl in the original scenario is terribly manipulative or having any inclination to teach her a lesson. She is a child not behaving particularly well but in a way that is normal for little children however I wouldn't give in to it with my own children so I wouldn't encourage it in someone else's, aside from that though how they parent is their own choice. I tend to go for the stricter option because it is what works for me.

*unless they are quite little, the little are generally happy to spin it together but older ones are often playing Octonauts or some imaginary game.

Nomama, self-esteem will not be built by being mean. Knowing you have the 'power' to be merciful and choosing to be merciful or choosing to use that power well, will do tons more for self-esteem.

I doubt the OP would gave dragged her son off the swing but would have rather help him to see that he could make a choice to be mean or nice. He would have felt empowered rather than second best.

Am off to playpark. Will see if I can teach any kids a lesson and shame their parents.

quote that as well.

But all kids get upset. and all kids strop.

It's hard enough putting up with it from your own kids without suddenly being responsible for preventing or placating other people's kids having strops.

Pictish I wasn't rude I was joking. Hence the grin. Which you have erased from your mind, handily.

Anyway i am not a wee girl in a playpark so don't tell me off. Muchas gracias. Byeee. Taking DD out

Interesting it's the parents of kids with ASD who seem to be more understanding of both sides here.

Newlife you sound lovely

Yes, but Fanjo the "wee girll" didn't sound sweet and innocent, she sounded like a spoilt brat that thought by intimidating another child she would get her own way.

'Interesting it's the parents of kids with ASD who seem to be more understanding of both sides here.'

Not me, but then it's probably because I've also taught reception.

It sounds like a total non-event.
You used your own judgement. I can't imagine that the other child is deeply affected.
What is there to worry about?

The didn't soften the blow a jot. What a cheek!
Good. You remember it
And after accusing her of disproportionate anger that she did not display.

I don't think the OP was mean or unreasonable. Her son had just arrived and got onto the swing and the little girl then decided she wanted onto it too. A bit like one sibling deciding they want the toy the other has got and stropping when they can't have it.

The girl had probably been there a little while and already been on everything. She saw another child on the swing and decided she wanted it too. Also, how many "one last go" demands had she already made of her parents?? We won't know, but it could have been plenty.

She had no right to want him to get off the swing and her parents should have enforced the fact that they had already said it was home time. It had been free when the OP and her son arrived, the little girl wasn't on it at the time and he got there before she threw a strop over it. Young kids have to learn that they can't just get their own way all the time. Conversely, there are also others who have to learn how to assert themselves a bit (within reason) and gain confidence.

I see no issues at all with what the OP did.

zzzzz Teaching your child to be kind is one thing (and a completely admirable thing). But teaching them to be a walkover is another thing entirely. That can damage their own self-esteem.

Pyjama, you did nothing wrong at all. It sounds as though your DS is a lovely, kind boy. But you (and he) were quite right not to give in to a sulky, cross-faced child

So, for instance, if child number 1 (OP's DS) had given in to spoilt brat girl number 2, and she had happily jumped on the swing, then a third child came into the park and stood there with his/her arms folded, demanding a turn with a sulky cross face. Would spoilt brat number 2 have given in to spoiled brat number three? And then child number four pops up, same scenario. Does spoiled brat three give in to spoiled brat 4 - and so on and so on.

This is why it is good to learn to take turns, and why we have a queuing system.

Yes, it's excellent to learn to be kind. But is not excellent to learn to be a pushover.

There's a time for teaching someone else's kid a lesson... and a time to just be nice. This was the latter.

I completely disagree.