Mean to not have asked him to get off? At the park

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Took ds to the park, it was on the way back from somewhere and getting dark so was only spending 15 minutes there at the most.

The park had completely emptied apart from one little girl. It's a big park, lots to do. Ds headed straight for a single swing, there are other swings but this one is a bit different.

The little girls parents called her to go home all within 60 seconds of us arriving. The little girl started crying that she wanted to go on the swing again before she went and stood by the swing ds was on. She stood there all arms crossed and grumpy faced waiting for him to get off.

For a second I thought I might ask him to let her have a go but thought better of it as she had the whole park to choose from.

Her parents stood there for 2-3 minutes before calling her away.

Ds is the most sharing child you could meet really he's always the one standing at the bottom of the slide letting all the other kids go first, he's always very patiently waiting for toddlers to decide if they want to go down the slide and stopping bigger kids from bashing into them so I thought sod it he's having his turn.

Fanjo pandering to a stroppy child and spoiling your child's enjoyment over some misguided sense of "doing the decent thing". Yes, that's martyring yourself, imo.
But if you want to give the message that if you fold your arms and act like a little madam you'll get what you want, then fine. Not something I'm comfortable with though.

It's not giving any message. It's just remembering what its like to be a child and not feeling you have to give some harsh life lesson to a 4 year old in worthy manner.

I remember what it was like to be a child...... and personally, I was a horrible child. I used to sulk when my brother wouldn't give me whichever one of his toys I'd decided I wanted just so I could spoil his games.

My mother had as about as much time for my whinging as the OP had for wee girl. And more power to her for not giving in to my strops.

Saying no, when appropriate, is not a "harsh lesson".

Fanjo Newrule Throwing your quote back at you. Yes, we are not her parents... but nor are you the parent of OP's child. It is not for you to dictate for him to be kind - however misguided your version of "kindness" is.

It would not be martyring yourself. But it would be forcing your child to give up a swing he'd been on for seconds just so another child who had not chosen to use the swing until he arrived could get her own way.
It's a crap lesson for both kids. It sends a clear signal that a grumpy kid gets what you want and to heck with poor DS. His feelings and pleasure become secondary to what sounds like a rather contrary
If he'd been on the swing for a while and she had just arrived, then it would be different. But in the exact circumstances as related the parents should have intervened and explained she had had her chance to play and now it was the little boys turn. I'm not blaming the child who was behaving like a child. But she needs to learn about being considerate of others and that sharing does not mean getting what you want when you want it. For her sake I hope her parents start taking a more pro active role.

We don't know the child was four, only that she looked about four.
She could have been a tall three year old or a small six year old, ie same age as DS.
Even if she was younger, she'd had the run of the playground before DS arrived. It would be very unkind to make him get off the seeing for a child who might have previously been on it for ten minutes, just because she appeared to be younger and was glowering at not getting her own way, and it would be a terrible lesson for her to think that having a petted lip meant she got what she wanted.

Noone dictated what OP should have done. We said what we would do, that's all.

Can't believe how many posts on this thread .

Did the child ask OP's ds for a turn? If not then I don't see why he should have got off the swing, maybe if the child asked nicely ( or if the child was unable too maybe the parent? ) then OP's ds may have been kind enough to let her go on the swing. I don't think OP or her son was being mean, I think the little girl was looking for an excuse not to leave, she knew she might have to wait a while to go on the swing which meant she got to stay in the park even longer.

I wouldn't feel guilty OP, if it was my dd wanting to go on the swing I would have told her to go on something else ( my dd does have ASD, she might cry, she might even have a meltdown but she can't always get what she wants, that's life ).

So we're almost all pretty much agreed then...OP wnbu. Fab!

Oh how juvenile

Did you stick out your tongue there and say "we won we won"

YANBU. Your son was on the swing. She had already had her go and her parents had told her it was time to leave. Throwing a strop and sulking doesn't change the fact that someone else was already on the swing - if it were that important her parents would have delayed leaving.

I go to a toddler class where the children can go on various equipment. We have this issue with a couple of children who regularly go to the class where they always want to go on the equipment that my son has just got on. I encourage him to share - where possible - but otherwise I think it's fair that he's a few minutes on the equipment if he got on it first.

I love the trivial stuff like this on mn - it's funny that something so seemingly insignificant can produce such lengthy debate. I think it's because it's something we've all experienced and can relate to in real terms.
I thought the first few posts were coming from some sort of bizarre alternative reality (which mumsnet can be like from time to time), but chuffed to see sound reason soon overtook.
Next time I ignore some pushy wee toe-rag trying to psyche my kid off the swing, I'll know ianbu, and have a wee chuckle.

I did say "almost all".

I bet that, if the parents had said 'Do you mind if she has a quick one-minute go on the swing before we leave?' the OP might well have agreed.

But the child was rude and pouty, and the parents did nothing to curb her rudeness - why should behaviour like that be accepted or rewarded?

I suspect the mother kept her child on the swing in my case because she thought mine was being stroppy & spoiled. Otherwise why insist her daughter stay on even when she wanted to get off.

She did have the decency to look slightly embarrassed when ds1 got off after a 5 second back & forth swing.

Her Dd could have had the swing for the rest of the day then

A four year old pouting is hardly the epitome of rudeness anyway

Really Fanjo, you're like a dog with a bone

Yes I suppose she congratulated herself on being a great mother (better than me with my 'badly behaved' child). She wasn't teaching much about empathy or understanding difference though.

Grr. Still irritates more than ten years later (and met plenty more of her type since then as well).

Pilates many people have posted throughout the thread. Why single me out?