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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left DS (3) alone for 8 minutes?

206 replies

HTK · 15/02/2015 20:46

I'm wondering if I'm a bit too risk prone. I got up with DS this morning. I wanted the papers so went to the shop and left DS tucked up on the sofa with milk, watching TV for 8 minutes. DH was upstairs asleep with the door ajar but he is not a heavy sleeper and DS can get into the room if needed. The house is childproof, he wasn't eating anything and he can't open the front door.

I "risk assessed" this is my mind and decided it was fine. DH is a bit cross with me and said I should have woken him up to tell him I was going out. I didn't because he isn't the type who would have been able to go back to sleep and he works extremely hard and needs that one lie in a week.

I find I often do things with DS that DH wouldn't do.... Leave him in the car outside the local shop (in view), leave him in the car at the petrol station etc. am it too risk prone?

OP posts:
GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 15/02/2015 22:44

I'm just laughing out loud at the idea that it's unloving to allow an 8 year old to get up on their own on the weekends. My kids love having free run of the house on Saturday/Sunday morning - it's amusing to see their cute little faces fall if we're up early, depriving them of a marshmallow (or whatever) breakfast.

But, OP. I don't think it's great to leave a 3 year old unattended for 8 minutes, I would be worried (as someone else said) about them eating something & choking.

80schild · 15/02/2015 22:45

I definitely would not judge OP for this. However, OP should have told her husband before she left.

My DH is frequently up before I am and leaves the house for work before I am even out of bed - if a child gets up he makes sure they are okay and puts the telly on for them for 30 mins before I get up at 7.

So long as the house is safe and the child is old enough to talk and wake up the adult I don't see the problem. I personally think the world is a bit overprotective. I remember being 5 and going downstairs in the morning and trying to make my own breakfast, I also have strong memories of being able to walk to the shops which were a good mile away when I was 6 by myself - parents used to appreciate that children needed to be robust and that giving children responsibilities helped them to develop into grown ups who could take care of themselves.

rockinrobintweet · 15/02/2015 22:48

agree with many PP. I am astonished that anyone is condoning what you did. my heart sunk reading this. somebody was responsible for a child they didn't know they were responsible for and anything could have happened. wow OP. wow.

Ilikemashpotatoe · 15/02/2015 22:49

Sometimes my 4yo wakes up and quietly goes downstairs to play with his toys. He wakes me up when he wants something. I'm usually a light sleeper but this still happens. I always feel so guilty that I haven't woken up and been downstairs with him to make sure he was safe.
However, to purposely leave him downstairs alone while dh was upstairs unaware that he would be held responsible if anything was to happen, I'm not surprised he was a bit annoyed.
I would do this but I would first make sure my partner knew I was popping to the shop. My ds would always want to come with me though.

amicissimma · 15/02/2015 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dolly80 · 15/02/2015 22:57

I truly think reactions like 'wow op wow' are needless. Are you trying to make people feel bad? Does that make you feel good? This is hardly the worst thing I've read on mumsnet. How about getting off your high horse and getting on a more supportive one.

BigRedBall · 15/02/2015 23:03

know an 11 year old who choked recently and needed the heinlich (sp?) remover.

GrinGrinGrin

Bless you manicinsomniac, I have tears running down my face trying to keep my giggling suppressed so not to wake the baby. Grin

You mean heimlich maneuver Grin

Bless you

hijk · 15/02/2015 23:06

It is not really funny, bigredball, it is just a typo, which did not in any way detract from what the post was communicating. There is no need to start belittling people.

manicinsomniac · 15/02/2015 23:06

Oops! Blush Yep, that's the one!

At least I know how to perform the bloody thing, I guess Grin

BigRedBall · 15/02/2015 23:07

God just reading this thread, do I have the only kids who DONT wander around the house when I'm having a lie in? Mine come and camp out on my bed with the iPad until I get up with the noise Angry.

BigRedBall · 15/02/2015 23:09

hijk oh whatever! I was laughing at the word remover. It made me laugh. I wasn't laughing at manic and she's taken it as a laugh too Hmm.

BigRedBall · 15/02/2015 23:11

I was NOT belittling her. How ridiculous. I doubt she feels belittled either.

hijk · 15/02/2015 23:12

ok, sorry then, if you were n't belittling her. I read your post to have a very belittling tone, but the disadvantage of posts is the tone of voice can be very much mistaken.

manicinsomniac · 15/02/2015 23:18

hey, it's ok bigred . Thanks hijk for standing up for me but it's cool - I'm generally pretty secure in the quality of my written English etc and that was a real corker of a mistake. Especially as I took care to point out that I was worried about my spelling of Heimlich before following it up with remover!

BigRedBall · 15/02/2015 23:18

Did you not see the little grins I used? You wouldn't use those if you you err belittling someone and she certainly wouldn't have replied in a cheery tone if she'd thought I wAs being rude.

Thanks for putting me in a bad mood now.

Good night. Apology accepted.

katese11 · 15/02/2015 23:27

I don't get the argument people use on all these threads, which compares the OP to every other possible scenario, with all kinds of levels of likelihood and risk. Yes, a 3yo could have an accident wandering the house at night and that would make you feel guilty but it's a risk that pretty much everyone takes, unless you have a 3yo who hasn't yet learnt to breach a Stair Gate.

What the OP is talking about is an unnecessary risk....She was going out for papers, so it wasn't an emergency. Someone was left in charge who didn't know they were in charge but could have been told (I would probably have dumped child in bed with dh). It was entirely avoidable...It's not like being a single parent and leaving your child for a few mins to go to the loo. It was a calculated risk and IMO an unnecessary one. dd is almost three, pretty sensible and could probably spend 8 mins alone without damaging herself but she does like to wrap sparkly scarves round her neck. ds at 3 would have been a complete liability!

treaclesoda · 15/02/2015 23:30

If I insisted on getting up along with my 8 year old, she'd go straight back up to bed. Then if I went up there to supervise her, she would go back downstairs. And repeat. She also would not be receptive to having a little chat in the morning.

But anyway, back to the original question. No, it's not something I would have done. Mind you, I am perfectly happy to let my 3 year old go downstairs to watch tv whilst I'm still lying in bed, (although by that stage I'm in bed awake, not fast asleep).

grocklebox · 15/02/2015 23:32

Loving message? Every single action you perform is now expected to have a loving message? Bloody hell, the standards for parenting are only going up, aren't they?

I don't really see a problem. He wasn't in the house alone, his father was just upstairs. Presumably he was in one piece upon OP's return, and hadn't "choked on his milk" Hmm or spontaneously combusted?

CluckingBelle · 15/02/2015 23:46

I've thought about it and I probably would. I'm a single parent and can't hover over all three of my children, all the time. Often my 3 year old (and my 2 year old) is unattended for 8 minutes while I take a bath/feed the chickens/empty the shopping out of the car. Admittedly I can hear the screams, but so would the op ' s husband.
I wouldn't go for papers though, but I may consider lack of coffee to be a minor emergency needing immediate action. GrinBrew

BubbleGirl01 · 15/02/2015 23:52

MY DTS2 was 3 when he ran out of the front door in his bare feet because he thought I had left him at home because he refused to put his shoes on so we could go out while glued to the TV (DTS1 was sat beside him at the time). I had actually gone into the garden to get the washing in before we went.

I was lucky in that a couple who were walking in the opposite direction saw him wandering and knocked on my door asking if he was mine (we lived in a small lane with no path) just as I had come back in and was calling him as I thought he was upstairs. I had to run like hell up the road to get him while leaving DTS1 alone in the house, almost having a heart attack because the lane was a bit of a rat run with boy racers. That was the day that I realised he could unlock the front door Grin.

So no, I would not leave a 3 yr old unsupervised (which he was as your DH was asleep and you hadn't old him you were going out, you may just as well have left him on his own) as he may have decided to follow you among the myriad of other accidents which could have taken place. You never know what's going through their little minds.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/02/2015 00:10

Reading these responses it's pretty clear there isn't a right or a wrong answer, as it is entirely dependant on the child.
Plenty of 3 yr olds wouldn't move from the telly if told not to, and plenty would. You know your own child.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 16/02/2015 00:11

I would have put 3yo in the car while I was getting the papers. And I'd have left the 3yo in the car while I quickly purchased the paper.

Agree with posters who pointed out your DH might react differently if he thinks that since you are already up that you will handle any emergency that occur while he is still in bed...

Probably at 5 or 6, I'd be happy to leave them, in the situation you describe.

But live and learn... Hopefully you won't leave 3yo his own like this again.

DragonMamma · 16/02/2015 00:12

I thought I was quite a lax parent but I don't think I would do that.

My DS is 3.5 and fairly sensible but something wouldn't sit right with me to leave him there without my DH knowing - it wouldn't have killed you to pop your head round the door and tell him he was on watch!

I do have a very sensible 7yo and she gets herself up in the morning etc so I would be happy to leave DS with her if my DH was sleeping upstairs.

HappyBeet86 · 16/02/2015 00:31

I spent six years looking after a lady with brain damage, whose mum only left her for five minutes to get some milk with a sleeping dad 'supervising from upstairs'

That's the thing about suffocation. It's very quiet.

JudgeRinderSays · 16/02/2015 00:35

it depends on the maturity of the child and how they have been brought up a

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