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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left DS (3) alone for 8 minutes?

206 replies

HTK · 15/02/2015 20:46

I'm wondering if I'm a bit too risk prone. I got up with DS this morning. I wanted the papers so went to the shop and left DS tucked up on the sofa with milk, watching TV for 8 minutes. DH was upstairs asleep with the door ajar but he is not a heavy sleeper and DS can get into the room if needed. The house is childproof, he wasn't eating anything and he can't open the front door.

I "risk assessed" this is my mind and decided it was fine. DH is a bit cross with me and said I should have woken him up to tell him I was going out. I didn't because he isn't the type who would have been able to go back to sleep and he works extremely hard and needs that one lie in a week.

I find I often do things with DS that DH wouldn't do.... Leave him in the car outside the local shop (in view), leave him in the car at the petrol station etc. am it too risk prone?

OP posts:
Bonkerz · 15/02/2015 21:14

My DH went to work this morning and 3 years old DS was on sofa with tv for an hour before I woke up. Ds is a good boy. Never climbs and knew I was upstairs if needed. House is safe (I'm a childminder) so it wasn't issue for us to let da watch TV downstairs. Back door was locked too.

JudgeRinderSays · 15/02/2015 21:15

No.He wasn't alone anyway was he.
At 3 most kids I know go downstairs on a morning and put childrens TV on while their parents have a lie in.

soontobemumofthree · 15/02/2015 21:15

I wouldn't see it as really risky. I agree with pp there are times I shower or go outside and leave child inside (for a short time), with no dh asleep. Plus I do leave them in car at petrol station but honestly think it is safer/as safe as taking 6,4,2 across forecourt.
However going out of house/garden to get paper I imagine would make me more worried (?guilty) but the risk is the same as showering and drying hair (maybe what I do worse eek! as I probably hear less than a light sleeper).

MarthasHarbour · 15/02/2015 21:16

cremeegg are you serious? Hmm

yummumto3girls · 15/02/2015 21:18

I think you should have taken him to the shop with you, or at least told DH, he may have heard him cry but assume you were with him so not got up. A lot can happen in 8 mins. As for petrol station, better left in the car!

grenedeer · 15/02/2015 21:19

Wouldn't do this myself. What if there was an emergency and your dh rushed out of the house thinking your son was with you. It's also putting him in the role of 'sole carer' without his permission, meaning he's more likely to ignore crying, things falling over etc because he

CremeEggThief · 15/02/2015 21:20

Yep, martha. He's 12 now and happy to spend a few hours alone after school or on weekends. I have even left him to go for meals out at night until 10.30 p.m. twice.Hmm

ShadowSpiral · 15/02/2015 21:21

I'd have taken my 3yr old with me to the shop or woken DH.

I think going out for 8 mins is different to having a shower or doing something in a different room. If I'm elsewhere in the house, DS can find me if he wants something, or I can hear DS if he starts crying or calling for me. DH is a very heavy sleeper and it takes a lot to wake him up if he's deeply asleep. I wouldn't be able to count on him to wake if I nipped out for a few minutes and DS started crying or shouting.

cestlavielife · 15/02/2015 21:21

Yes you should have told dh you were going out.

Original poster
HTK · 15/02/2015 21:21

Thanks guys. Looks like a slight majority think I'm being unreasonable. Will take that on board. I did think, it wasn't done blindly, but concluded it was probably safer than taking him out in the car!

If it was vice versa, it really wouldn't have been safe, as I sleep like a log!

OP posts:
Dolly80 · 15/02/2015 21:23

It's moments like this I know mumsnet has turned I into a pretentious load if twaddle. I'm not disputing the rights or wrongs of the original question but....Has no one in this thread left their child for 8 mins + ever? So you are constantly with your children for how many minutes!?

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 15/02/2015 21:23

I've always been like you and my dc are very independent. They are older now and the youngest is able to use the phone, knows fire escape plans (including being able to hang the emergency ladder). Obviously I'm pretty confident I've got things covered.

The other week though dd tripped on the last stair, just one step. But she bumped her head on the wall. She was together enough to call me but I couldn't understand her as she was panicking so much. She wasn't together enough to go to her 17yo sibling who was upstairs and unaware.

People go on about the big stuff but, imo, it's the small stuff. Would your child have known how to cope if he tripped or something simple? Would dh have woken? Or would he have been distraught and scared for the 10 minutes? It sounds silly but it made me reevaluate things tbh.

grenedeer · 15/02/2015 21:24

thinks you're dealing with it. At 3 a child might suddenly decide to explore and follow you or something equally random. Sorry, not what you want to hear.

girliefriend · 15/02/2015 21:24

I think this was o.kay, although I would prob have either waited till dh was awake or just whispered in his ear that you were popping out for 5 mins.

Am pretty sure at this age I was leaving dd in front of the telly if I hung the washing out or similar, you can't watch them 24/7 imo.

BigRedBall · 15/02/2015 21:25

I would have taken 3 yr old upstairs to DH and left him in the room with a book/puzzle/iPad and closed the door after telling him to play quietly.

I would never leave a child alone like that without telling the person at home you're leaving.

yummumto3girls · 15/02/2015 21:26

Also think those who have lie ins and let 2 & 3 year olds wander around the house unsupervised ABU. You should take turns having lie ins, or if you on your own keep them upstairs or snooze on the sofa where you are aware of what they are up to!!

Roobo · 15/02/2015 21:28

DH and DD always get up together and have breakfast together while he's getting ready for work. He always wakes me up before he leaves and tells me he's leaving.

I'd never leave DD alone while I was sleeping upstairs, I'm really surprised that seems to be the norm Confused

(Not judging, I'm far from parent of the year myself Grin)

Stillwishihadabs · 15/02/2015 21:31

I may have a distorted view on this, I have worked in a&e and also done some child protection, as well as knowing about dh and his Bro taking a drive.

It is a really common cause of serious accidents (unsupervised toddler with sleeping parents) Sometimes the parents are having a lie in, sometimes they fall asleep again on the sofa having got up. I'm sorry I think 3 is just too young and those equating it with being on the toilet, you don't loose the use of your ears whilst pooing.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/02/2015 21:34

I'm another one who's perfectly happy to leave a three year old watching TV whilst I'm having a lie in. Id hear the fire alarm and they could come and get us if they wanted to.
Mind, it's a slightly different scenario for you as your dh didn't know.
I recall when dds were 4 and 2 we would put the TV to their channel before bed, put their chairs out in front of it, 2 little bowls with weetabix covered with an easily removal lid and the right amount of milk in a little jug in fridge. 4 yr old would switch TV on and get jug from fridge.
Happy days. 2 very Independant girls here now.

Mrscog · 15/02/2015 21:35

I think slightly too risky - I would have roused DH so he was aware of the situation.

Although as a parent of a wild 2.11 yo, I can say with certainty that there is NO way he would be allowed downstairs whilst we both had a lie in, or that I could leave him whilst I showered! Absolutely incomprehensible. He nearly split his head open on the fireplace when I was sat less than 1m away, and this weekend I went from the kitchen to the utility room to get something and in that time he'd emptied a bag of semolina on the floor to play diggers with! He still needs almost constant supervision!

Melawen · 15/02/2015 21:37

I'm finding the responses on this thread quite interesting. I am a single parent and I don't leave DD (also 3) in the house alone, BUT I am deaf and do not wear my aids in the shower, so technically I am leaving her unsupervised downstairs after breakfast while I shower. I don't lock the bathroom door and DD knows where I am, and is quite happy to sit watching CBEEBIES until I come downstairs again.

As for the OP, I think that you were not being unreasonable to have popped out, but I do think that you should have let your husband know where you were going.

ImBatDog · 15/02/2015 21:37

i think you should have woken DH up, taken ds with you, or waited.

Our's are 8 and 5 and we've only started letting them get up without one of us in the last 6 months or so, because we can trust them to come wake me if there is a problem, and i'm usually up within an hour of them getting up anyway.

BMO · 15/02/2015 21:38

Sounds absolutely fine to me, 3 year old could have woken dad if he needed too.

I often left 3 year old DS unsupervised for 8+ minutes - if I was hanging washing out and he was playing in the house or if I had a bath.

WannaBe · 15/02/2015 21:40

Would never let a three yo get up and go downstairs while I had a lie in. A three yo going into the kitchen and getting hurt is a very real possibility, not to mention the mess they could make.

You should have told your dh you were going out.

BrieAndChilli · 15/02/2015 21:41

It's not any different than your 3 year old waking earlier than you and having a wander around the house for 8 minutes before waking you.