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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left DS (3) alone for 8 minutes?

206 replies

HTK · 15/02/2015 20:46

I'm wondering if I'm a bit too risk prone. I got up with DS this morning. I wanted the papers so went to the shop and left DS tucked up on the sofa with milk, watching TV for 8 minutes. DH was upstairs asleep with the door ajar but he is not a heavy sleeper and DS can get into the room if needed. The house is childproof, he wasn't eating anything and he can't open the front door.

I "risk assessed" this is my mind and decided it was fine. DH is a bit cross with me and said I should have woken him up to tell him I was going out. I didn't because he isn't the type who would have been able to go back to sleep and he works extremely hard and needs that one lie in a week.

I find I often do things with DS that DH wouldn't do.... Leave him in the car outside the local shop (in view), leave him in the car at the petrol station etc. am it too risk prone?

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 15/02/2015 21:43

Well, I used to get up and make DS breakfast, sit with him while he had it, put the telly on, close the kitchen and stair gates, remind him not to climb on his trip trapp and tell him to shout if he needed us and go back to bed for an hour or two, mostly to read, but sometimes to doze. Nothing ever happened.

Now40 · 15/02/2015 21:43

still a sensible post. A lot of my friends do the lie in thing whilst their kids at 3yo are downstairs. I think it has become the norm but is not something I am comfortable with.

Cliffdiver · 15/02/2015 21:44

YABU, next time you have to go out for papers Hmm put DS on the bed with DH, give him a book or the iPad and ask him to be quiet as daddy is sleeping.

mayfridaycomequickly · 15/02/2015 21:45

Why would you need to take dc in tge car? If it was 8 minutes in total surely they could have just walked with you? ?

If there was an important reason why I had to go to the shop and for some reason couldn't take ds (although I can't think of a reason really) I'd strap him in the buggy.

I'm a fairly laid back careless parent but I'd not do it.

Floggingmolly · 15/02/2015 21:46

The fact that your DH was in the house is actually irrelevant. He was upstairs asleep; with no idea that he was in sole charge of a 3 year old. Bloody hell!

Phoenixfrights · 15/02/2015 21:46

I am really not neurotic with my kids. My worry in this situation would be he might help himself to some food and silently choke or turn on a gas or electrical appliance.

Stillwishihadabs · 15/02/2015 21:48

I know a lot of people do it. But I happen to think it is dangerous, the risk is small but not one that I was prepared to take.

Dcs are now 8 and nearly 11 and are home alone for up to an hour and a half after school once a week. But they understand danger and risk and can use a phone .

Now40 · 15/02/2015 21:50

phoenix yes - and the dh wouldn't even be aware that he should be listening out.

Dolly80 · 15/02/2015 21:50

Again,can I ask..has anyone been in the toilet for 8 mins sans 3 year old? Not the case here I know but isn't all of life about risk assessment (or aversion)

OhTheThingsYouCanThink · 15/02/2015 21:50

Do people really let their very young DC get up and occupy themselves until parents can be bothered to get out of bed? Really? I must have missed something all those mornings I was up with young DC at 5.30am waiting for CBeebies to start. I just couldn't have left them on their own.

Mixtape · 15/02/2015 21:51

I leave DS1, aged 8, alone in the house while I go to the shop (10 mins total) but I take DS2 with me - he is 5. I would leave DS1 in the house with DH asleep but not DS2. He's just too unpredictable still!

WineWineWine · 15/02/2015 21:51

3 is far too young for the parent to go out to the shops leaving the child unsupervised. A parent upstairs asleep is not adequate.
Even the most sensible kids are unpredictable when left alone. Choking is the highest risk at that age.
No I never left mine unsupervised on a morning while I had a lie in, one of us always got up, even if we just ended up dozing on the sofa.

BrianButterfield · 15/02/2015 21:51

I wouldn't be happy with my 3yo wandering round the house unsupervised before I got up either. He can play in his room, or come into my bedroom, but not go downstairs. I agree with Stillwish, I think it seems safer than it is but really any house is full of quite a lot of risks for an unsupervised 3yo. And I reiterate I do let mine play alone! But I do it listening out, calling up to him often and so on. I don't helicopter but he just doesn't have the impulse control or understanding to be able to accurately judge danger. I caught him chasing the baby the other day with a plastic bag, ready to "catch" her by putting it over her head! Just a silly fun game to him...

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 15/02/2015 21:53

When I am having a lie in, then even though I can hear dc DH is downstairs so I switch off. If something was to happen then I know he is there so would not think to go and check.

I tend to have a bath when the kids are in bed as it's more relaxing and I can have a bath alone.

Ds has asd so I am alway hyper aware of what he can do as he don't understand dangers.

BMO · 15/02/2015 21:53

I didn't let DS go downstairs alone at 3, but from 2 he could play in his room (no chance of me getting up at 5.30!). He's 4.5 now and can go downstairs on his own.

annadina · 15/02/2015 21:56

YABU, you didn't need to go out for the papers, you could've taken your child with you, you should've woken your DH. I can understand why he is a bit cross with you, it was totally unnecessary risk. Leaving child in the car at petrol station is less so, assuming that you can see him, we can't get out of his seat and you have locked the car. Ditto with shop.

hijk · 15/02/2015 21:56

I don't thin it was safe, no. And I don't think you "risk assessed" it either, you just gave a few thoughts to whether anything was likely to happen.

vestandknickers · 15/02/2015 22:01

At 3 most kids I know go downstairs on a morning and put childrens TV on while their parents have a lie in.

Really?

My youngest is 8 and I still wouldn't do that. Hardly a very loving message to give a child. Doesn't kill you to get out of bed and look after your child. I'm genuinely Shock.

OP, I think you should have woken your DH up or waited for your paper.

toddlerwrangling · 15/02/2015 22:08

Agree with stillwish I'm afraid - I would never leave a 3yo alone whilst asleep. My DD is younger but a climber and a total liability - but then I know a fair few 3 y olds and I can't think of any of them, however "sensible", who I'd leave alone like that (or allow to be up whilst parents asleep for a lie-in).

Far too much that could go wrong on the off-chance - even the most sensible child of that age you don't know what they might suddenly take it into their heads to do and freak accidents do occur (a trip, a cut, a slip on the stairs, child decides to stand in something to get something out of reach....)

No, too much of a risk to take and it's only a few years until they are a bit more sensible but also until they know what to do a little more if something goes wrong whilst a parent is asleep/out of the immediate vicinity (5, 6+?) The consequences of an accident for a very small child could be huge, so for me it's just not worth taking that chance.

toddlerwrangling · 15/02/2015 22:10

Again,can I ask..has anyone been in the toilet for 8 mins sans 3 year old? Not the case here I know but isn't all of life about risk assessment (or aversion)

Exactly though - in the loo you can hear a crash or a cry and also call out "is everything all right, love?" every so often - but asleep or out and you're not there listening.

notonly · 15/02/2015 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrapBag · 15/02/2015 22:12

I would never leave my child downstairs eating whilst I was in bed. Choking is completely silent. You'd have no idea (This is to the ones who leave their child food whilst they stay in bed).

I struggle with mornings due to my illness. DH gets up with the kids and always wakes me and brings the youngest upstairs. 7 year old can stay down and watch TV, 4 year old has to stay up and play in her or my room whilst I am trying to wake up properly.

The paper could have waited. It wasn't urgent and you should have let your DH know he was is charge of a 3 year old.

lovelychops · 15/02/2015 22:13

Don't agree with those equating leaving the house the same as going to the toilet, or having a shower. You're in the house with your child. You can listen out for them.

And who are all these children who are happy to play downstairs while both parents have a lie in ?!

HouseBaelish · 15/02/2015 22:13

My youngest is 8 and I still wouldn't do that. Hardly a very loving message to give a child. Doesn't kill you to get out of bed and look after your child. I'm genuinely

Mine is 8. I'm a single parent. She can still wake during the night if she's struggling with asthma and I get exhausted. So at weekends, sometimes, she gets into bed with me - I sleep and and she plays on the iPad/reads a book for an hour so I get a bit more sleep. And you know what? That makes me a BETTER parent than getting up and being knackered.

OP - I don't think I would have done what you did, but you did your own risk assessment and were obviously happy with that

Aranan · 15/02/2015 22:14

I'm another one genuinely flabbergasted with the idea of allowing a three year old to fend for themselves while their parents lie in! Completely agree with you vestandknickers

OP you should have told your husband or tucked us DS next to him in bed. Or taken him with you. How is taking him in the car more dangerous than leaving him essentially on his own?

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