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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left DS (3) alone for 8 minutes?

206 replies

HTK · 15/02/2015 20:46

I'm wondering if I'm a bit too risk prone. I got up with DS this morning. I wanted the papers so went to the shop and left DS tucked up on the sofa with milk, watching TV for 8 minutes. DH was upstairs asleep with the door ajar but he is not a heavy sleeper and DS can get into the room if needed. The house is childproof, he wasn't eating anything and he can't open the front door.

I "risk assessed" this is my mind and decided it was fine. DH is a bit cross with me and said I should have woken him up to tell him I was going out. I didn't because he isn't the type who would have been able to go back to sleep and he works extremely hard and needs that one lie in a week.

I find I often do things with DS that DH wouldn't do.... Leave him in the car outside the local shop (in view), leave him in the car at the petrol station etc. am it too risk prone?

OP posts:
teeththief · 15/02/2015 22:15

vestandknickers I'm equally surprised that you don't trust your 8 year old get up alone in the morning.

My DC are 8 and 9. Not only do they get themselves up in the morning but they get their own breakfast, including toast, brush their teeth and get dressed alone. Most 8 year olds are more than capable of that

vestandknickers · 15/02/2015 22:16

HouseBaelish. If she's in bed with you, that's not the same as the people who think its fine for their children to go downstairs by themselves.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong and it sounds a lovely, snuggly way to start the day.

ImTakingTheEssence · 15/02/2015 22:18

Well I must have been very unloved as a child getting out of bed at 6 to watch sesame street and not waking my parents Grin

Stillwishihadabs · 15/02/2015 22:18

Another side issue a lot (not all) of the really awful early morning accidents I have seen involved the bathroom in some way (razors,pills,water) so arguably if you are in the bathroom that in itself is reducing one risk factor, similarly if you are in the kitchen.

I don't know.about anyone.else but if I had to shower with a toddler in my sole care (which was rare) I would leave the door open and be lightening fast, much less than 8 minutes. I would say the same of having a long bath, with a locked door -3 is too you g to be left.

vestandknickers · 15/02/2015 22:19

Teeththief
I didn't say I didn't trust them. I said it isn't very loving. I love my bed, but I love my children more and so I get up with them. They do get their own breakfast, but I'm there with them to have a nice chat and in case they need me.

expatinscotland · 15/02/2015 22:20

YABU

ImBatDog · 15/02/2015 22:20

Dolly80, nope, because our bathroom is downstairs off the living room, so when it was just me and the kids, i used to leave the door open (baby gate shut though) and they mostly used to sit on the step and chat to me.

kids dont bother me anymore, but now i have a cat that scratches the door and insists on sitting in the sink and staring at me.

i can't remember the last time i went to the loo alone...

SoonToBeSix · 15/02/2015 22:22

Yes of course you were unreasonable. You risked your child's safety for a newspaper. Words fail me.

teeththief · 15/02/2015 22:24

Why does it mean I'm not very loving exactly?

sticklebrickstickle · 15/02/2015 22:26

Think YABU but mainly because DH had no idea he was being left alone. Think you should have woken him to tell him or it's something you should at least agree on the night before so DH is aware he is responsible for DS. I think it's fine for a sensible 3yo DC to be awake in the house watching TV with an adult sleeping in earshot upstairs but not if the adult isn't aware they are responsible for the child.

Had their been an emergency and DH had been awoken by a loud noise/cry etc he wouldn't have realised you weren't home and thus that he was needed urgently to go and see what it was and check on DS - he likely would have assumed you would be dealing with it. Similarly in the (admittedly very unlikely) case of an emergency which meant the house needed to be evacuated he wouldn't have known to prioritise getting your DS out - again may have assumed you would be there to do that.

I think in any situation when you go from being responsible for a young child to leaving another adult responsible for that child it is really imperative you make the other adult aware you are leaving them in charge. Otherwise how does that adult know they are supposed to be watching the DC?

Sallystyle · 15/02/2015 22:28

I am pretty sure I have left a 3 year old for 8 minutes when I have took a shower or gone into the garden.

His father was at home so I don't see the issue here.

sosix · 15/02/2015 22:28

He wasn't alone, he was with dh. Its fine.

Dolly80 · 15/02/2015 22:29

Sorry ImBatDog I hadn't allowed for your exact housing arrangements!

Jeez...I was only trying to suggest there may be a reason for this choice outside the realms some people find 'acceptable'

It was 8 mins. I don't agree with the circumstances but I'm pretty sure most children have been left for 8 minutes in many situations and been ok. I'm bit saying do it every day but blimey most kids get through worse than this

TheFairyCaravan · 15/02/2015 22:30

When DS2 was a baby and up all night being breastfed I was knackered. DS1 was 2 and would often wake before DH left for work at 7:30, so DH used to get him some milk, put him our bed to watch the tele for a bit while I slept for an hour. He was a sensible child and would wake me if he needed anything and always told me he was going to the loo.

Had I have been the OP the only thing I would have done differently is I would have told the DH I was going out.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/02/2015 22:32

I would have woken dh up. I have done with dd nearly 8, she knew dad was upstairs and çoukd find him, but not at 3. Dh keeps his car keys locked.

Sallystyle · 15/02/2015 22:33

My youngest is 8 and I still wouldn't do that. Hardly a very loving message to give a child. Doesn't kill you to get out of bed and look after your child. I'm genuinely

Oh dear.. at the weekends my 6 and 8 year old get up and make themselves breakfast while I lay in bed for a while.

I am pretty sure they don't feel any less loved for it. What a silly thing to think!

sosix · 15/02/2015 22:35

Jeez, my 3 dds all went downstairs while i had a lie in from 3, all fine. Probably depends on the child?

Sallystyle · 15/02/2015 22:36

I love my bed, but I love my children more and so I get up with them

Goodness, it gets worse!

My kids love getting up without me! I guess the poor things are used to being unloved though.

Buttercupsandaisies · 15/02/2015 22:37

Don't see the issue. Mine have been pretty good though from a young age...even 3 ...so if I said stay on the couch and watch tv for mins, I'm pretty certain they'd not move. If they were not like that then I wouldn't do it - but I wouldn't worry about it!

I've done it with dds from age 4 and wouldn't even think anything of it...dh upstairs and pretty much only dozing from when we get up.

sosix · 15/02/2015 22:37

Wow, 8 year olds not being allowed to get up on their own. Shock

JessieMcJessie · 15/02/2015 22:39

"the papers?". They are on the internet now, did nobody tell you? Did you rent a video while you were at it?

This is the kind of situation which is probably fine but if something had happened you'd never have forgiven yourself putting your child in danger for the sake of a newspaper.

vestandknickers lmao at the idea that it is "more loving" to get up and watch TV with an 8 year old - at that age having my folks yakking away to me while I was trying to watch Cities of Gold or similar would have annoyed me immensely.

quickone · 15/02/2015 22:40

I am just flabbergasted that some people think what you did was okay. Read what stickle wrote. Think about it. Do you still think it's okay?

sosix · 15/02/2015 22:42

I am just flabbergasted that some people think what you did was okay. Read what stickle wrote. Think about it. Do you still think it's okay?

Its fine.

manicinsomniac · 15/02/2015 22:44

I think it's okay. Slightly unnecessary risk but the risk is so small and not that drastically altered by age and other circumstances.

People have said that you can hear when you are on the loo. Yep - but can you hear when you are in the shower? I can't (or only very loud things anyway). A choking, suffocating or tripping child might not make any noise at all.

I know an 11 year old who choked recently and needed the heinlich (sp?) remover. His Dad happened to be there. It would have been a disaster if he hadn't been but who watches their 11 year olds all the time?

I know of a 6 year old who nearly hung himself on a blind cord in his bedroom in the morning. Fairly soundless and who thinks to check on a child they think isn't up yet?

Who's to say that a child will stay in their bedroom in the morning if told to? Yes, if they disobeyed once they'd be in trouble and wouldn't do it again but what if that one time was when the accident happened?

How do you know your child stays in bed at night while you are downstairs. When I was 6 and my sister was 4 we decided to build a fairground in our bedroom after we'd been put to bed. My parents were unaware until we built the log flume and water dripped through the light fitting, staining the ceiling and fusing all the lights in the house!

I'm a single parent. Humanly impossible to keep my children safe the whole time. I do my best but are they always watched? No.

CremeEggThief · 15/02/2015 22:44

My sister, brother and I would have absolutely hated it, if our parents had been up on a Saturday morning, when we used to eat loads of biscuits and watch all the great kids' telly we had in the eighties.