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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left DS (3) alone for 8 minutes?

206 replies

HTK · 15/02/2015 20:46

I'm wondering if I'm a bit too risk prone. I got up with DS this morning. I wanted the papers so went to the shop and left DS tucked up on the sofa with milk, watching TV for 8 minutes. DH was upstairs asleep with the door ajar but he is not a heavy sleeper and DS can get into the room if needed. The house is childproof, he wasn't eating anything and he can't open the front door.

I "risk assessed" this is my mind and decided it was fine. DH is a bit cross with me and said I should have woken him up to tell him I was going out. I didn't because he isn't the type who would have been able to go back to sleep and he works extremely hard and needs that one lie in a week.

I find I often do things with DS that DH wouldn't do.... Leave him in the car outside the local shop (in view), leave him in the car at the petrol station etc. am it too risk prone?

OP posts:
Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 15/02/2015 21:02

Your son could have choked on the milk.

You were in the wrong.

Stillwishihadabs · 15/02/2015 21:03

Really you wouldn't do this aged 5 and 8 ? I would but not at 3. I am sure I've told this story before but dh and dbil stole the car aged 3 and 4 while their parents were asleep upstairs Shock

BongoT · 15/02/2015 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lovelychops · 15/02/2015 21:03

You were BU - a newspaper is not a priority.

Dolly80 · 15/02/2015 21:04

I wouldn't have done this as I don't care much for the papers. However, I used to leave my daughter in a bouncy chair for apx 8-10mins on occasion when I had a shower so who am I to comment.

CremeEggThief · 15/02/2015 21:04

Technically, he wasn't left alone. What's the difference between this and a 3 year old child downstairs watching telly in the morning, while both parents are having a lie - in? Confused Confused

BrianButterfield · 15/02/2015 21:04

I leave DS downstairs some times when I'm busy doing something upstairs but I'm awake and on alert. No offence to my DH, but he just doesn't wake as quickly when someone's crying as I do. I snap wide awake but it takes hi a while so I wouldn't expect him to respond quickly to a problem downstairs when he's asleep.

Stillwishihadabs · 15/02/2015 21:05

I think that's wrong too creme egg theif.

MrsKCastle · 15/02/2015 21:06

I thought at first you left him completely on his own!

But if there was an adult in the house, I don't see the big deal. My DDs are 6 and 3, and they often get up before DH and I. The 6 year old gets herself some cereal and puts the tv on. I will also quite happily leave the 3 year old playing or watching TV while I shower if we're alone in the house.

happywanderingwithdog · 15/02/2015 21:06

Oh dear god I think most of the people on this thread need to get a grip. Toddler left in house with sleeping father, it's not actually a case for Social Services. No, I don't think you did anything wrong. If your husband's got such a problem with it, tell him to take equal parental responsibility when you're both home.

EdSheeran · 15/02/2015 21:06

YABU at the age of 3 but mostly because they can cause mayhem in a short space of time.

iammargesimpson · 15/02/2015 21:07

I genuinely don't understand why you didn't take your ds with you?? I can understand your dh being cross, if something had happened to your ds while you were out, it would have been his responsibility as he was the only adult in the house.

You really need to think about this, as your ds gets older the risks of accidents increase when left alone like this.

It takes two minutes to strap / u strap a three ye old into and out of a car seat, an unnecessary risk IMO.

Dolly80 · 15/02/2015 21:09

Apologises, thought said child was alone in house. If a parent was present (upstairs, downstairs wherever) where's the hoo ha!?

LadyLuck10 · 15/02/2015 21:09

Irresponsible of you. Why couldn't you have woken your DH up? I'm not surprised he is angry. He is a 3yo and you should know how unpredictable they are at that age.

CremeEggThief · 15/02/2015 21:09

Well we will have to agree to disagree then, still, as we did this every weekend from when DS was two and he was absolutely fine.

Dawndonnaagain · 15/02/2015 21:11

The hoo ha is that said parent was asleep. Had the parent that had left the house been knocked over or involved in any other sort of emergency, child could possibly have been alone for an hour or more. Sleeping parent should have been made aware.

Now40 · 15/02/2015 21:11

There is a big difference though leaving children with an adult who knows they are in charge, than one who doesn't. For example if your child had hurt themselves and started screaming, your dh might not have responded quickly because he would have expected you to be with him. If that makes sense!

That is what the issue is and I think your dh has every right to be annoyed.

slippermaiden · 15/02/2015 21:11

You didn't leave him alone... Your husband was in the house!

BongoT · 15/02/2015 21:12

"What's the hoo-ha?" Well if a sleeping parent = supervising a child, then fuck the babysitter, let's leave the dog in charge.

Roobo · 15/02/2015 21:13

I wouldn't have done it.

I have a 'sensible' 2yo who can easily be left downstairs while I shower etc.

However you never know what children will decide to do. Recently we had an incident where I was engrossed in my phone (Mumsnetting Blush) and DD said "look Mummy". I looked up and she had a plastic bag, that one of her toys was kept in, pulled over her head and she was holding it tightly around her neck. Sad This bag had been there for months and she'd never done anything like that before.

So my point is you may think the house is 'child-proof' but anything can happen when small children are involved.

drspouse · 15/02/2015 21:13

My DS frequently wakes when DH gets up for work but I'm still asleep. DH doesn't wake me up to tell me he's off out. I'd be annoyed if he did. DS is also 3 and can these days be left on another floor playing while I cook/feed DD/hang up washing.

DS does have a stairgate but DD is in the same room, and many other 3yo I know don't, and I don't think any of the other late rising parents of 3yo would expect to be woken to be told "3yo awake, I'm leaving the house".

attheendoftheday · 15/02/2015 21:13

YABU a 3 year old is too young to be unsupervised and your dh can't be on duty if he doesn't know you've gone out. If my partner did this I'd be pissed off. Why on earth didn't you take him with you?

Dolly80 · 15/02/2015 21:14

What if we changed asleep for on the toilet - would everyone be so angry. Oops I had an 8 minute poo

fakenamefornow · 15/02/2015 21:14

I'm a bit confused, your dh was home, bedroom door was open, and he's a light sleeper. If your son needed him he'd hear wouldn't he? Does your son ever wake up before you in the morning and just play in his room? I wouldn't leave mine like this for a long time but 8 minutes isn't long and if he's a good boy I think it's okay. Although I admit one of mine couldn't be left for a minute. Also, I think my risk assessments or risk perseption rather, are not as tight as others.

MrsKCastle · 15/02/2015 21:14

LadyLuck10: 'He is a 3yo and you should know how unpredictable they are at that age.'

Not necessarily. My 3 year old is pretty darn predictable. If I left her watching TV she'd almost certainly still be there 15 minutes later- particularly if I asked her to stay put. And if she knew her dad was upstairs, she'd go straight to him if she needed him.