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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No flowers today from DH of 14 years - Aibu to be upset?

316 replies

DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 21:45

Got DH a lovely card and a Valentine cookie which I placed on his nightstand to be there for him when he wakes up today. He didn't get me anything saying that he has been unwell all week and staying at home with DC which have also been sick. I was understanding of course but said that would still be lovely to have flowers today. Brought son from football at 5 pm - no flowers.

By then I got sick of posts on all the social networks showing pix of cards and gifts other wives have got today - so pretty much burst in tears. That's when DH gave me a card which he signed with really lovely words. Seeing how upset I was he went out and got me those bloody flowershich were no good by that point.

After that he hasn't been taking to me and when I tried to make peace he began shouting that he had a temperature and it was unfair to make him go out (the temperature was 37,3, the shop is 2 min away and he drove). I would say not a big sacrifice for a wife but he clearly thought I was being unreasonable. Then I asked when did he buy the card (it occurred to me that if beforehand then why didn't I get it in the morning? If today then why didn't he get the flowers?) He barked that it was none of my business.

All in all, I have a really lovely loving card, a bunch of my favorite flowers and a shitty mood coupled with a row with DH. Nice Valentines for me.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
Momagain1 · 14/02/2015 22:16

YABU. you are grown ups. Doesnt matter what you got him. Matters even less what anyone else got.

You would think, after 14 years, and children, you would already be over the ceremonial script of cards and flowers, especially considering the DH was home sick all week with sick children. With any luck, you two will have a couple more dozen valentine's day. Newsflash: some won't go as expected, because life happens. Others will be extra nice in comparison.

ilovesooty · 14/02/2015 22:17

I have difficulty taking this whining seriously.

Mrsstarlord · 14/02/2015 22:17

Trashcan - I nearly spat my ferrero rocher out reading that! (leftover from Christmas, not a Valentine's gift)

Redglitter · 14/02/2015 22:19

My ex used to regularly buy me flowers. gorgeous flowers, bouquets of roses and all sorts - he probably did the same for the several other women he was seeing Hmm

pilates · 14/02/2015 22:20

YABVU and very childish.

Romeyroo · 14/02/2015 22:20

FGS, what is he like normally as a husband? Are there other issues? If not, get over yourself. Flowers are not 'bloody important', they are just flowers, it is the day to day stuff which matters.

Lweji · 14/02/2015 22:21

He's looked after the kids 3 days! Not a week.

Bastard.

mumeeee · 14/02/2015 22:21

YABU. He has been ill all week and also looking after sick DC's. He got you a card and made it personal to you by writing lovely words in it. DH and I have been married 30 years and exchanged cards but not gifts, In fact I nearly didn't get DH a card as am ill at the moment. I have only been out to the Doctors and got the card on the way back.

Original poster
DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 22:23

I have taken on board all the comments.

But I still don't see why is it unreasonable to be upset when you asked (in the nicest way) your husband for something small yet important to you and he chose to ignore it.

OP posts:
uggmum · 14/02/2015 22:24

I don't know why you are so het up about flowers. Valentine's day is just one day. Flowers don't prove his love for you. Exclamations of love on Facebook are driving me mad. I don't need to update a picture on Facebook to prove to hundreds of random people that my dh loves me.

I banned by dh from buying me flowers as they are a complete rip off on Valentine's day.

He bought me a lovely card and a tin of biscuits from Biscuiteers. I got him a card and cooked a nice tea.

To be honest, your dh has been ill. Your dc have been sick. You've nagged him about flowers. I don't think he's a nob or a twat.

Only1scoop · 14/02/2015 22:24

'Birthday and valentines are my only chance to have flowers off him' Confused

He rushed out and bought some as he felt obliged and couldn't stand you going on by the sound of it....if it was me I'd rather he didn't bother.

skylark2 · 14/02/2015 22:25

I've been married for 25 years and didn't get anything.

Well, except a takeaway and a nice day together.

I'm sorry that your relationship is defined by "stuff".

princessconsuelobananahammock · 14/02/2015 22:25

I'm just not sure how romantic a gesture buying flowers because you have to otherwise there's a sulk actually is? It really takes the shine off things if you have to badger for them.

Fairenuff · 14/02/2015 22:25

If you love flowers so much OP why do you never buy them? And why are you considering throwing them away? Confused

SauvignonBlanche · 14/02/2015 22:25

Wow! YABU

Original poster
DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 22:25

HE HAS NOT BEEN ILL ALL WEEK for gods sake. DC were sick for four days (I took one day off work) and DH has been unwell since yesterday. DC are 8 and 12 and were pretty much left to their own staying at home while he wad doing his stuff.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 14/02/2015 22:26

But Op you shouldn't 'ask' for the gesture of flowers Confused

flipchart · 14/02/2015 22:26

Why is Feb14th and your birthday your only chance to get flowers?

Sometimes mine are romantically bought from Tesco when DH does the big shop. Sometimes I buy my own.

I've been with DH for 25 years, do you know what I got? Nothing! That's what! And I couldn't care less. I am tret really well, we have a great marriage, I'm 'spoiled' the rest of the year and I am respected and loved. I don't feel the need to have a tantrum because I got nowt. To be fair he hasn't whingedthat that he didn't get anything either!

TheCuttySnark · 14/02/2015 22:26

I've ended up registering just to say YABU after reading this - you asked, got told by nearly everyone so far that you need to get a grip and are still trying to make the poor guy out to be villain of the century. Shit the bed, I bet your husband feels great for even trying to cheer you up now.

TwinkieTwinkle · 14/02/2015 22:27

In the nicest way? Your posts make you sound like a spoiled princess who stamped her feet and threw a tantrum when she didn't get her way. You do realise that Valentine's day is commercial nonsense and you've allowed it to cause a problem between you and your husband? You got upset at people bragging on Facebook. Perhaps get off Facebook...

SmokingGun · 14/02/2015 22:27

YABVU.

There's another post on MN at the moment by a women who has just lost her DH. Be greatful that yours is alive and well. Give him a kiss and a hug tonight because you never know what could happen tomorrow.

Original poster
DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 22:27

Princess,I was not going to budger for them of course - which is why I mentioned a couple of times before today and in the morning that it would be so lovely to get them.

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/02/2015 22:27

He didn't get me anything saying that he has been unwell all week

We only go on what you write.

ilovesooty · 14/02/2015 22:27

He went out and got flowers because you whined and tantrummed and now you don't want them because they weren't given to you in the morning?

QueenofLouisiana · 14/02/2015 22:28

Sorry, I think you areBU.

I didn't get flowers either. I do have a fab husband who loves me and has put up with me whinging about my sore throat all week. I know which I'd rather have.