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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No flowers today from DH of 14 years - Aibu to be upset?

316 replies

DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 21:45

Got DH a lovely card and a Valentine cookie which I placed on his nightstand to be there for him when he wakes up today. He didn't get me anything saying that he has been unwell all week and staying at home with DC which have also been sick. I was understanding of course but said that would still be lovely to have flowers today. Brought son from football at 5 pm - no flowers.

By then I got sick of posts on all the social networks showing pix of cards and gifts other wives have got today - so pretty much burst in tears. That's when DH gave me a card which he signed with really lovely words. Seeing how upset I was he went out and got me those bloody flowershich were no good by that point.

After that he hasn't been taking to me and when I tried to make peace he began shouting that he had a temperature and it was unfair to make him go out (the temperature was 37,3, the shop is 2 min away and he drove). I would say not a big sacrifice for a wife but he clearly thought I was being unreasonable. Then I asked when did he buy the card (it occurred to me that if beforehand then why didn't I get it in the morning? If today then why didn't he get the flowers?) He barked that it was none of my business.

All in all, I have a really lovely loving card, a bunch of my favorite flowers and a shitty mood coupled with a row with DH. Nice Valentines for me.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 15/02/2015 13:10

OP, you sound just like my DH's ex wife. She used to nag him about not being romantic enough, not bringing flowers etc without realising that the more she nagged, was nasty, critical and unkind the less romantic he felt towards her. It damaged their marriage so much that he asked for a divorce and left (I wasn't the OW, we met several years later!)

Your DH got you flowers in the end but you still weren't happy so he really can't win whatever he does, can he? I'd hate to be married to you as you sound like hard work.

SweetsForMySweet · 15/02/2015 15:04

YWBU. My dh, dd& I are all sick(I was least sick), he got me a card & said he was disappointed, he was too sick to get me anything else so I went& got a cheap bunch of flowers & ready meal for us yesterday, just to mark the day. Spent most of it medicating one another(this is not a euphemism for anythingGrin) and trying to get our little dd's fever under control. The most important thing to us about yesterday, was that we made time for each other and were all together (even though we were sick and a bit miserable). Facebook is all about showing off, I often see big 'I love you so much xxx' declarations on there posted by my friend, when she has told me several times just days before that she's thinking of leaving him so don't believe everything you see on there. Sometimes, it's the one's who are least happy are the same ones that make the big song and dance on Facebook about how great everything is. Be glad you have a caring dh who loves you. Have a look on the relationship board (or the bereavement board) and realise that there's worse things in life than getting flowers late on Valentine's day. Be thankful and see the positives rather than looking at the negatives.

ilovesooty · 15/02/2015 15:31

Ketchup I know someone who berates her husband when he brings home flowers if they "look cheap" or are "the wrong colour"

Grin
Mrsbird311 · 15/02/2015 15:52

You are not being unreasonable he's had a year since last Valentine's Day to arrange something nice for you, it's not important to a lot of people , which is fine, but it's important to you so he should have made the effort, a card and bunch of flowers can mean everything and he's an idiot for not sorting it and now he's acting like a child. His whole life should be about making you and. His family happy, as should yours, go and make up with him but do explain how much his appreciation means to you

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 15/02/2015 15:55

He's acting like a child? Goodness me. Hmm

TheWitTank · 15/02/2015 16:18

HE GOT HER A CARD! A very nice thoughtful one according to the op. Ffs.

rustyrailings · 15/02/2015 17:30

Crikey, the OP is getting a hard time on here.

All you women who don't care don't have a problem. The OP does care, and a bunch of flowers on Valentine's day is not a big ask.

He was perfectly able to get them, because he did, but only as a stroppy gesture. Pathetic.

Flowers Flowers Flowers

trashcanjunkie · 15/02/2015 18:35

No rusty railings, she is getting a hard time because she goes on like a petulant child, instead of a grown woman. I've repeatedly said throughout this thread that wanting flowers is not the issue. Sulking because you didn't get them as opposed to having reasonable and rationale expectation is counterproductive. I have also repeatedly asked if her dp doesn't care about things that are important to her.... if something's really important to you, and you explained it in a reasonable manner, why wouldn't your dp take that on board? If he didn't, then yes he's a twat. But if you put up with that, and fourth ore, act like a dick in addressing it with him, then, you too are a twat.

So, just to be really clear. Wanting flowers on VD does not make you a twat imo.

trashcanjunkie · 15/02/2015 18:36

Furthermore not fourth ore.... Blush

CosmicDespot · 15/02/2015 19:21

I liked 'fourth ore'.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 15/02/2015 19:42

Ilovesooty, my DH's ex did that too! Only red roses would do and they had to be in sufficient quantity...

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 15/02/2015 20:33

Are only very old people like me brought up short by the many references to VD over the last few days? It didn't mean Valentine's Day when I was a girl, a million years ago....

Fairenuff · 15/02/2015 20:35

Haha I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking that Mimsy Grin

Lweji · 15/02/2015 20:51

There are no VDs now. Grin

Oh, wait, last time they were on the rise. Probably why.

trashcanjunkie · 15/02/2015 20:59

I kept thinking the irony of VD being DV in reverse....

motherofstudents · 16/02/2015 14:20

Willdoitinaminute - that was a very touching post!

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