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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No flowers today from DH of 14 years - Aibu to be upset?

316 replies

DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 21:45

Got DH a lovely card and a Valentine cookie which I placed on his nightstand to be there for him when he wakes up today. He didn't get me anything saying that he has been unwell all week and staying at home with DC which have also been sick. I was understanding of course but said that would still be lovely to have flowers today. Brought son from football at 5 pm - no flowers.

By then I got sick of posts on all the social networks showing pix of cards and gifts other wives have got today - so pretty much burst in tears. That's when DH gave me a card which he signed with really lovely words. Seeing how upset I was he went out and got me those bloody flowershich were no good by that point.

After that he hasn't been taking to me and when I tried to make peace he began shouting that he had a temperature and it was unfair to make him go out (the temperature was 37,3, the shop is 2 min away and he drove). I would say not a big sacrifice for a wife but he clearly thought I was being unreasonable. Then I asked when did he buy the card (it occurred to me that if beforehand then why didn't I get it in the morning? If today then why didn't he get the flowers?) He barked that it was none of my business.

All in all, I have a really lovely loving card, a bunch of my favorite flowers and a shitty mood coupled with a row with DH. Nice Valentines for me.

Was I BU?

OP posts:

Lweji · 14/02/2015 23:05

I know someone who has recently complained that whatever he bought for his wife's birthday was considered crap.

AIU to suspect that your OH got badly burnt years ago and refuses to buy you anything because of that?
I'd also stick with the card or flowers (if I wasn't sick at home)

Fairenuff · 14/02/2015 23:05

OP are you ever going to explain why, despite absolutely loving flowers, you never buy them?

ImperfectAlf · 14/02/2015 23:05

I had my first EVER Valentine's card today. I'm 51. And I've been married for 31 years! The only reason I got one this time is because he originally got it for my birthday, without opening it and realising it was for today

trashcanjunkie · 14/02/2015 23:05

Thank god smoking gun I was beginning to suspect you were an actual troll....

WestEast · 14/02/2015 23:06

I assume biscuits are just as important to him as flowers are to you. Or else why would you buy that for him?
He neeeeeds biscuits, just like you neeeeed flowers.

FFS grow up.

If you're not happy in your marriage you need to communicate with him. Otherwise appreciate the good things you have.

ImperfectAlf · 14/02/2015 23:06

Oh, and YABVVVVVVVVU. Unless you are 12, in which case we shouldn't expect any better.

Only1scoop · 14/02/2015 23:07

But you describe Iams DH as 'that's normal' like yours....

Sounds pretty bloody caring to me if your DH is anything like hers is described ....

A tad confused by your posts if I'm honest.

You bleated about the flowers you 'need' you eventually received them....

Original poster

DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 23:07

Lweji, about birthdays - again, as I said, he never buys me a present so I am not dismissing anything, as you suggesting. Just says that I buy something for myself from our account.

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 14/02/2015 23:07

It's obvious really. He obviously doesn't love you - or even like you very much.

TheCuttySnark · 14/02/2015 23:07

My eyes are gonna roll out of my head pretty soon. OP - what do you want from him? Apart from flowers to take pictures of and post on all the social media networks to show off?

I now feel that missed a trick by not posting a picture of the roasting dish I was given and the 99p card. My husband also took a shit in the bathroom whilst I showered this morning. Please excuse me as I cry into my lace hankie and mourn my shit day

TwinkieTwinkle · 14/02/2015 23:10

Leave him OP. Find a footballer who will buy you crap everyday. Probably won't actually be heartfelt but you'll get what you want.

RingtheBells · 14/02/2015 23:11

You could buy something from the account to post on Facebook, no-one will know if you don't tell.

Sallystyle · 14/02/2015 23:12

OP my love language is gifts. I love getting gifts and I love buying them for people.

My husband's way of showing me love is to do things for me.

He knows it is important to me to get the odd thinking of you gift so he does occasionally. Your husband should make the effort throughout the year on occasions if he knows it is important to you. However, if the rest of the relationship is good then it really shouldn't be a huge deal if he shows his love in other ways. Is your marriage a good one in general?

He has been ill and some years shit happens and VD takes a back seat. You are over-reacting hugely and you are coming across as spoilt.

I am going to guess there is much more going on in your marriage than his lack of romance and that this is just one more thing in a long list of things that he does to make you unhappy. I am being generous because otherwise your actions makes no sense at all.

UterusUterusGhali · 14/02/2015 23:12

Maybe he doesn't buy you a present on your birthday because he's spent all the money on flowers.

SmokingGun · 14/02/2015 23:12

If your DH didn't get you rainbow flowers when he was forced out went out to get them for you OP you really should LTB.

No flowers today from DH of 14 years - Aibu to be upset?

ILikeMilk · 14/02/2015 23:13

OP, I might be in minority but I totally get it where are you coming from. I think it is very important to continue with small romantic gestures and I would be heartbroken if DH have not got anything for me on the Valentine's day. He hates it and thinks it is a tacky American tradition, but because he knows I'll be upset he gets flowers/card/perfume etc so I won't be feeling left out/to show that he cares. Helping around the house and being supportive of each other is something that is expected in this marriage and as you said it's just a normal everyday stuff.

And buying flowers for myself? Seriously? It's not the same! Really surprised with the replies you are getting here...

Original poster

DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 23:13

Faire, because I want them from him. Like he did when we were dating and in the early years of marriage. You can cook dinner for yourself or he wants to cook it for you. If you really don't see a difference between buying flowers for yourself on a special occasion or in general and receiving them from the man I cannot explAin it.

OP posts:

Rainicorn · 14/02/2015 23:13

Romantic gestures aren't gestures though if they are forced. Which is just what you're doin in making your DH go out and buy you some.

I've been married to DH nearly 14 years. In that time he has bought me 4 bunches of flowers. He hates buying flowers.

SirChenjin · 14/02/2015 23:13

Here's a flower for you to cheer you up

Lweji · 14/02/2015 23:14

Yes, but my point was that whatever he bought you as present would probably be criticised.
Has he never, ever, bought you a birthday present? If so, was it well received?

Sallystyle · 14/02/2015 23:15

One year for my birthday dh bought me a lovely vase. I thought it was an odd present to get me then he promised me he would always make sure they had fresh flowers in them. I was quite touched.

Well, three years later and he has only remembered to get me flowers about three times I just buy them myself if I want some.

Mia1415 · 14/02/2015 23:15

OP, here's the thing ... all men (& women for that matter) are different, some are romantic & some aren't! Nothing wrong with that! You are being completely unreasonable, & as others have said if you love flowers so much go & buy some for yourself.

ilovesooty · 14/02/2015 23:17

Yes but Mia it won't be the saaaaaame.....

helpmekeepstrong · 14/02/2015 23:17

Cripes. Glad I'm alone.

Original poster

DieHardWithVengeance · 14/02/2015 23:18

U2, as I said a few times, yes, romance is missing from my marriage generally and i am sad about it. I get cards and small gifts from DC, not from my husband. Otherwise it is a really good marriage, I love DH and I know that he loves me.

OP posts:

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