Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of death?

487 replies

dragdownthemoon · 14/02/2015 02:11

I am terrified of what happens after death. I have nightmares about it, I have panic attacks when I think about it. I don't want to be a ghost cursed to wander the earth alone or trapped in a hell dimension, or just all alone in the dark. No one knows what happens when we die and I am terrified of what will happen. I tried to talk to DH about it, he actually laughed at me and says he has no concept of why on earth I could be bothered by this.

Does anyone else get freaked out by the thought of what happens when we die? I am tormented by it and there is no escape, death is coming to us all

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 15/02/2015 11:32

ender I have always felt the same as you, although I didn't know that Mark Twain quote. I am an atheist and have never believed in anything but oblivion after death. Then I read things like Mermaid's post (at 06:09:27) and I worry. The thought that there is some kind of consciousness after death is terrifying to me because I think "What can it be like?"
How do you continue with your certainty about death when you must've read numerous accounts similar to Mermaid's? It's bewildering.

ender · 15/02/2015 11:47

Grunt - oblivion after death makes sense to me in a way that other people's ideas about an afterlife don't.

marthasmith · 15/02/2015 12:33

I read this fantastic book called Proof of Heaven....A Neurosurgeons Journey into the Afterlife......
"One morning in 2008 he fell into a coma after suffering a rare form of bacterial meningitis. Scans of his brain revealed massive damage. Death was deemed the most likely outcome. As his family prepared themselves for the worst, something miraculous happened. Dr Alexander's brain went from near total inactivity to awakening. He made a full recovery but he was never the same. He woke certain of the infinite reach of the soul, he was certain of a life beyond death.

In this astonishing book, Dr Alexander shares his experience, pieced together from the notes he made as soon as he was able to write again. Unlike other accounts of near-death experiences, he is able to explain in depth why his brain was incapable of fabricating the journey he experienced. His story is one of profound beauty and inspiration."

I literally couldn't put it down. Certainly strengthened my faith. I recommend it to anyone who has an open mind about life after death.

Gruntfuttock · 15/02/2015 12:36

I wouldn't read it martha because as I said, I am frightened of life after death. I want oblivion, just to cease to exist.

headinhands · 15/02/2015 12:49

How do you continue with your certainty about death when you must've read numerous accounts similar to Mermaid's?

The same way my position on angels, unicorns and werewolves is unchanged by the numerous accounts I have read, because I go where the evidence and facts lead me, not personal anecdote. It's not about having an open mind, it's about acknowledging hard data. If hard data reveals something else at some point then so be it but at this present time there is absolutely no sound reason to think that consciousness survives brain death.

ender · 15/02/2015 12:51

I think we should only read stuff about death that supports what we want to believe Smile.
It would be different if there was irrefutable evidence of what happens after we die, but there isn't. So why frighten yourself?

marthasmith · 15/02/2015 12:53

There's nothing to be frightened of Gruntfuttuck I promise you. All I can say is that after reading that book there need be no fear of death. Also the book totally blows away previous scientists theories that the calm relaxed state of mind and visions of loved ones when we are close to death is all about natural endorphins. It a riveting read.

headinhands · 15/02/2015 13:04

only read stuff about death that supports what we want to believe

But surely there is only one answer. And isn't that an intellectually unsatisfying approach? Imagine using that logic when wanting to read about how to stay healthy. And there is no evidence that the brain survives physical death, so at this point we have no reason to believe it does beyond wanting it to be so.

Just waiting for someone to point out I can't prove it doesn't but science doesn't work that way. Invisible dragons under your bed and al that.

marthasmith · 15/02/2015 13:18

But the brain doesn't survive death though does it. That has never been in dispute. It's the soul that survives death.

headinhands · 15/02/2015 13:35

it's the soul that survives death

Which brings me back to evidence. You do realise there is no evidence for a soul don't you?

Gruntfuttock · 15/02/2015 13:36

There's no such thing as a soul IMO.

marthasmith · 15/02/2015 13:40

No there is no evidence.

Gruntfuttock · 15/02/2015 13:43

Has anyone got an explanation for stories such as Mermaid's above?

headinhands · 15/02/2015 13:44

So what's the logic behind believing in something without evidence, but refuting someone else's belief that has no evidence, like unicorns say?

headinhands · 15/02/2015 13:48

I wouldn't feel comfortable dissecting a specific experience from a specific poster.

marthasmith · 15/02/2015 14:13

I've read loads of stories very similar to Mermaids. People either believe or don't belive. I believe but I respect other people who don't.

loiner45 · 15/02/2015 14:18

We know that our consciousness is intimately tied in with the electrical activity in our brains. We know that when our brains die that electrical energy in the brain ceases to be detected in the brain. Those that believe 'we' continue in some way believe that the consciousness exists separately from the physical body (the 'soul') and that this energy continues to exist in some coherent form. those that think that energy just dissipates to take part in the creation of new stuff ('we are stardust') don't think we continue in a conscious way. We are pretty sure, due to our understanding of the conservation of energy, that this energy is not lost. It has to go somewhere. Logically I suppose some form of reincarnation makes most sense Smile

Isn't it interesting how some of us fear NOT existing after death while others fear existing?

Gruntfuttock · 15/02/2015 14:22

"I wouldn't feel comfortable dissecting a specific experience from a specific poster."

OK I do understand that, and even if you were to refer to similar stories I realise that your opinions/thoughts would still be regarded as also being about Mermaid's.

I just get so confused. It makes my brain hurt but it's only a little pain Wink

Gruntfuttock · 15/02/2015 14:25

loiner45 Reincarnation? Shock Now, that is the stuff of nightmares! The thought of being born again and having to go through childhood, school, parents (all 3 were hell for me) again, doesn't bear thinking about.

Dowser · 15/02/2015 14:30

A lovely story mermaid and so pleased it brings you comfort.

My cousin is facing the same scenario as her husband has advanced bowel cancer that has spread to stomach and liver

Shortly after my dad died my ex went to see a medium who said I have a man here who hasn't long
Assed over. He says he has to say happy birthday.

That day was my birthday.

Much as I would have loved to have messages from loved ones I have heard nothing.

I don't fear dying, I just want to live as long as possible in good health with my loved ones around me and not going till I've done everything I want to Do and my list gets longer all the time.

If I see my grand daughters daughter get married I might die happy. My grand daughter is five btw ;-)

Original poster
dragdownthemoon · 15/02/2015 14:49

Apologies to the poster who felt they wasted their time replying. I posted because I had had a drink, I don't usually discuss this, and I didn't really think about how I was wording it etc as I wasn't thinking clearly. It wasn't panic brought on by drinking, I have regular panic attacks and they can be triggered by thinking about death. I suffer from anxiety and am currently seeing my GP about it. Just "cutting out wine" isn't going to make me fine, unfortunately, it's a little more complicated than that.

Thank you for all the replies. I haven't read all of them as I saw some started to mention hell and afterlife and eternity and this is what freaks me out. I believe in God but I cannot fathom any possible after death outcome which could work logically and be a good thing, total annihilation is the only thing which makes sense to me. Even the word eternity makes me feel weird.

How can everyone fit in Heaven? How will everyone I love be there when they want to be with everyone they love too, and all the generations that I have missed or that follow on after me, how on earth can we all be together? What about people who don't want to go to Heaven? Do they have to? What about people who believe in other afterlives, do they get the one they imagined or are they thrown into one that they didn't want?

What if it is like they say in Torchwood - that there is just NOTHING.

Ok I am freaking out again I need to stop lol

OP posts:
LividofLondinium · 15/02/2015 14:52

I'm not afraid of death. As an atheist I don't believe in heaven or hell, so have no fear of what happens after I die. I'm just a mass of cells and electrical impulses, and will become part of the soil and air chemistry when I die. What I'm afraid of is spending my final days/weeks/years in a shit hole of a residential care home being abused by the staff or, best case scenario, being bored senseless while I wait to die.

headinhands · 15/02/2015 15:05

I suffer from anxiety and am currently seeing my GP about it

I think this is the nub of the issue OP and am sure that as you get your general anxiety levels sorted your worries about death will also ease off.

(Your very logical and sensible questions about the afterlife are the same sorts of questions that helped lead me to a point of no belief in an afterlife.)

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 15/02/2015 15:06

I'm sorry this is freaking you out.

You are asking philosophical and theological questions that people have wrestled with for about as long as there have been people and there are no easy answers. Even framing the question is hard enough.

There is a really interesting book called 'Heaven' by McDannell and Lang which looks at the history of the concept which we call heaven and how it has changed over the millennia. It won't tell you exactly where we go when we die but it might help to know that people have thought about this for a very long time.

marthasmith · 15/02/2015 15:44

Headinhands...... If you don't mind my asking, and not being disrespectful of your views....what was it that led you to have no belief in the afterlife.