To be scared of death?

[dragdownthemoon]

I am terrified of what happens after death. I have nightmares about it, I have panic attacks when I think about it. I don't want to be a ghost cursed to wander the earth alone or trapped in a hell dimension, or just all alone in the dark. No one knows what happens when we die and I am terrified of what will happen. I tried to talk to DH about it, he actually laughed at me and says he has no concept of why on earth I could be bothered by this.

Does anyone else get freaked out by the thought of what happens when we die? I am tormented by it and there is no escape, death is coming to us all

As an atheist I genuinely believe that when I die, that is it. Fullstop. I dont fear the afterwards because I dont believe there is anything. I dont need to hope for anything or fear it.

What saddens me the most about dying is the stuff I wont get to see. I want to see my children as adults. I want to see my friends kids as adults. I want to be a grandparent should my kids choose to have them. I want to see them fall in love.

If I died in an accident tomorrow, the worst is my family dealing with that. I dread most suffering a terminal illness before I see the above stuff. Pondering missing all that would kill me quicker.

I have posted on here under a different name. I have only name changed as the next bit could out me in other threads. I have also posted this on another thread. I went to a funeral last year and the vicar said:

'Life is like walking up a hill. We can all see each other - some are by us and others are behind or in front. When we get to the top we die and go over the brow of the hill. We are still around but to the others walking up the hill we can't be seen. Eventually family and friends will come over the brow and you all be together again'.

I like this analogy and feel that even if you are not religious it is a nice way of looking at death.

Most people have a distorted or watered down version of what Christianity is.
Heaven is a perfect place. None of us will ever be good enough to get there. We simply cannot work our way in, otherwise how good would "good enough" be? Sin is sin. It's not graded by God.
In the old testament people used animal sacrifices to atone for sin, they were chosen because they were healthy animals, without blemish. God sent Jesus to be a final sacrifice. He was human, but also God, so he was without sin.
On the cross, he took all the punishment for man's sin and suffered Hell, but overcame it, and rose from the dead ( Easter)
Being a Christian is accepting this, asking for forgiveness of our sins, and following Jesus's teaching. That allows us to enter heaven rather than hell.
We are clearly told not to judge others. We're not fit to do that, only God, and this is where many church leaders fall down. We can guide, help and pray for others, but not judge.
My God is one of love and forgiveness, but we have a choice, to accept or reject him. We choose. That's because we have free will.
Am I afraid of death- not at all.

Like a pp I was basically dead for a while. I was in and out for a while. One of my last coherent moments was to talk to DH about the dc. I was worried about them, not me.
I have always suffered from anxiety. Strangely as a different poster said death per se is not something that I worry about. I would worry about the immediate logistics for the dc (what would happen if I didn't arrive a school pick up?) but actually dying holds no fear. I don't remember dying - it was nothing. It was a moment.
Fucking scary for everyone else though :)

I believe you just cease to exist
I hope I'm right
I don't want to be away from my loved ones in an eternal waiting room .

I have no desire to die, I worry about the impact it will have on those that I love. My only hope is that I have a quick and painless exit. The other night I dreamed about my own funeral and my mum's hysteria and sorrow, which makes me feel sick. I don't worry for myself, though.

If there is an afterlife, I would like to think I will be with DS for the rest of eternity. Life is painful enough without him, it gives me comfort to think that I could hold him again. It will be five years in November, but it feels like a lifetime. If there is no afterlife, I won't know any different.

I think OP that it is just something you learn to live with, pardon the expression.

Where is the OP gone? I just caught up on this and I feel a bit like I wasted my time with a first response - if it was just anxiety brought on by too much booze. You know the answer don't you? CUT OUT the wine and you'll be fine. Bloody hell.

How I was convinced? after my dh passed for the first 6 weeks his photo and his only would fall down. His Tv and his only would turn on by itself at odd times. It was so so comforting, I knew it was him. I thought ok, I am going to see a medium, 3 weeks in. I made my appointment went in she asked what sort of reading I would like. I told her someone has passed and I would like them to come through. She asked how long it had been and I said 3 weeks. She said sorry that is much to soon will not happen, can I just give you a reading of your future and I agreed. Now if anyone can come through 3 weeks after passing it would be my dh. We were so deeply in love and he felt so so sad and guilty for leaving I was even concerned he would not pass over to heaven ie he would hang around us as energy. She concentrated for a while while shuffling cards, then put them down and said I have a man here and he is saying come on you can do it. Then she started. He mentioned a ring that he saw me give to his mother 1 hour earlier, she knew he had died from bowel issues, said my sons name, it's an unusual name, he said that it was time to fold all of our clothes(I had been washing but not folding, there was about 12full baskets full, I was in very deep grief) my sons sport, my daughters favourite toy. There was a lot. At the end she laughed, she said he was patting her head saying good girl! , for doing the reading. This is something my dh was known for. I didn't have much faith before my dh passed, that happened after. She said that when he first died he would have woken up in a hospital room with Drs and nurses, but things would have been much more beautiful. This happens she said so they slowly realise themselves that they have died. When he was dying he said to me how will I know when I am dead, and I said you will know because I won't be there. I am crying with memories, but they are tears of love, joy and peace. I know where he is and I am so glad he is not suffering any longer. Our loved ones suffer for us, but I had to let him go. In the end I said to my dh, I think you are waiting for me to leave before you go. So I told him I will go out of the room for10 mins to give you the opportunity. And sure enough that is what happened, the nurse called me in and I was there for his last breath. It is a very long process not like in the movies. I know you don't know me but try to trust, there is a heaven and it's our home. The most wonderful place, that you have just forgotten :)

I'm sorry but if you believe in God and the bible there's no way of getting away fromtge fact that there is a hell, Jesus talked of it more than heaven.
OP it believe in the afterlife, I believe that God gave us a surefire way of getting to heaven, no good works required only faith in Jesus and what he did for us when he died and rose again.
That's what I believe and I don't expect other people to understand that, but I am safe in the reassurance that once I pass I'll go home.
If that's a load of crap then so what, it brings me comfort and countless others. I hope you can find something that comforts you too.

I hadn't seen my grandfather for years and one night I had a dream about him. The next day I found out he had died.

I have a conundrum for those with Christian faith - if there is a heaven where you are reunited with "loved ones" what happens in for instance my mother's case? - she loves my father - he left her and later married my stepmother.

My mother lives by the creed that she will be reunited with my father in heaven because in the eyes of (her Catholic) God they are married for all eternity. Is this then my father's Hell because he divorced my mother? What then would happen to my Step-mum who is blameless in all this?

They cannot all have their own "heaven"

The problem is ihavealwaysbeenastorm that not all Christians believe in hell. Other Christians may of course say that if you don't believe in fiery torments then you aren't a proper Christian but this translates as 'you are not in not my denomination.' The official C of E position is that hell is eternal nonbeing - so not a flame or torment in sight.

People have considered what fear of death is and whether it is a reasonable fear since the ancient Greeks where the stoics, epicureans and others all wrestled with the problem. So the OP is not the first to have struggled with this and won't be the last. I hope some of the comments on this thread have been helpful to her.

So, what if someone goes to heaven, and then someone they love goes to hell (or its non fiery equivalent)...

Then surely heaven is no longer heaven for them...? It can't be, because it's not 'perfect', it's not 'paradise' if someone they loved in life is missing from their afterlife...?

I was in the room just after my FiL died. The room felt very quiet and peaceful like someone had just let out a huge sigh. I remember thinking it was the exact opposite of the atmosphere of a room where a baby has just been born, when there is noise and a baby letting out his first cry. Even though the death was a sad time it just felt calm.

I find the thought that we will just cease to exist much more comforting than the idea that we continue in another form and that there are various heavens - for moslems, catholics, C of E etc.
Most people enjoy the feeling of falling asleep, and someone described death as "The longest lie-in you've ever had", which sounds OK to me.

That is the sort of scenario that put me off evangelical christianity - on the basis that my family hadn't been 'saved', in my teenage mind how could I become a Christian, if it meant losing those I love forever.

They cannot all have their own "heaven"
I believe that we will "have our own heaven"..... otherwise it wouldn't be heaven. I believe that heaven will be a place of perfect happiness and that what might be happiness for one might not be for another.
"There are many rooms in my Fathers house" implies that this is so.

aj I struggle with exactly that too. And the idea that as a parent I could give birth to an nurture my children only to have ultimately condemned them to eternal torment, if they don't believe the 'correct' thing. As I said upthread, it has messed with my head ever since I was old enough to actually think about it.

It can't be, because it's not 'perfect', it's not 'paradise' if someone they loved in life is missing from their afterlife...?........ i don't know the answer to that, I've often pondered it myself, but I do think that we certainly won't have the same typical earthly worries that we have here. For instance I also don't think that when we're there we'll worry about any problems that our loved ones who we have left behind might have. It cartainly wouldn't be paradise if we did. All our earthly woes will cease.

Treaclesoda .......I dont believe that we are condemned to eternal damnation just because we don't believe. There are many good people in life who do so much for others but might not necessarily believe in God, on the other hand there are many who commit the most hideous of crimes and yet proclaim themselves to be good Christians or whatever. I don't think for one minute that the good people would be turned away.

Mermaidhair...... I've only just read your post, it is so lovely. You must have been so comforted from that. I also know that we will one day be reunited with our loved ones. they're never far from us.

Would you mind if I hijacked a wee bit.
Someone I know ( knew) really well died 8 days go after a 'short illness' aged 41. I just can't comprehend how we were talking and laughing bout one thing one day and 4 days after our conversation he doesn't exist as a person anymore. My head just wants to explode!

I think it is very natural to have a fear of dying - I know I'd hate to ill and in pain etc.
Hoever I take great comfort in the fact that one day I will be dead - I love life and I in now way want to be dead just now, but I find it reassuring that in the greater scheme of things I am not important at all, I am a tiny speck in this universe and one day my death will make room for those who come after me.
I like that thought - a bit odd maybe, but it gives me peace to think about it.

flipchart, it is very hard to get your head around something like that - I am so sorry for your loss.

Various religions with their promises of some kind of paradise or hell can just get lost - I am quite happy to be a complex, mammal life form that one day will cease to exist. I don't believe that my 'energy' goes anywhere: it stops, when my body stops.

Hugs flipchart. I felt the same when my grandad died. I spoke to him at 6pm (5 days after my gran died). He was going to make some toast. How can that person be gone by 10pm that same day. Xxx

Pacific - absolutely agree, I find it comforting to think of myself as a tiny speck in a vast universe, and that once I'm dead that's it.
Love Mark Twain's quote
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”