To be scared of death?

[dragdownthemoon]

I am terrified of what happens after death. I have nightmares about it, I have panic attacks when I think about it. I don't want to be a ghost cursed to wander the earth alone or trapped in a hell dimension, or just all alone in the dark. No one knows what happens when we die and I am terrified of what will happen. I tried to talk to DH about it, he actually laughed at me and says he has no concept of why on earth I could be bothered by this.

Does anyone else get freaked out by the thought of what happens when we die? I am tormented by it and there is no escape, death is coming to us all

Martha of course I don't mind explaining, as well as I can understand it myself anyway. I started going to church when I was about 9 even though my parents weren't religious. I liked the idea of there being a god and a belief in an afterlife came from what I was told at church so it was almost a side issue. I gradually lost the ability to believe in a loving personal god over a few years, mainly through logical reasoning, and the lack of belief in an afterlife comes from that too.

I am unable to believe in an afterlife because there is no logical evidence based reason to, in the same way I feel there is no logical evidence based reason to believe in a loving personal god, that's about the size of it. Funnily enough, even as a Christian I was able to be very skeptical about other non evidence based beliefs such as ghosts and so on, not sure how I squared that up intellectually in my own head and is probably why I enjoy discussion because it may help me understand my own journey.

Now it's my turn to ask a question. How could it be disrespectful to ask someone why they believe what they believe?

i suppose I just wanted to convey that by my asking that, you didn't think I was implying that your views couldn't be right because they were different from mine. I have the opposite views to you in that I believe in God and the afterlife, but I would always respect opposing opinions.

respect opposing opinions

That's the crux of the point I was making. I can't promise to respect your opinion, but respect your right to have your own opinion. I also do not need you to respect my opinion for it to be valid, how you feel about my opinion is neither here nor there, because it is my intellectual property but I do expect you to acknowledge my right to have an opinion even if it seems ridiculous to you. I am happy for you to explain how you think my belief is wrong, I encourage such debate.

Do you respect everyone's opinions? I doubt it, and that's good! I'm probably labouring the point because this belief that we all have the right to have our beliefs respected is something that I'm trying to get my head around. Imagine I told you I believed disabled children are disabled because they are being punished for sins in to past life. I'm quite certain you would not respect such a view. Now I know such a disgusting belief is easily labelled as abhorrent but to me, having followed the idea of a loving god, such as the Christian god, from start to finish logically I also find that abhorrent now, I acknowledge how people are capable of believing it, I respect that people have the right to think what they want, but I can't intellectually respect the actual idea. I'm probably making no sense and being completely unhelpful sorry!

As humans. We have an ego that somehow cannot accept that we will cease to exist. We need to convince ourselves there is some form of afterlife where we carry on because we are very, very important aren't we? Truth is, in terms of the universe we are tiny and insignificant as individuals and yet, it is a miracle that 'we' are here at all. The odds of the man and woman that made us,..meeting and then that particular sperm meeting that particular egg in the month we are conceived must be trillions to one.
Think of all the combinations of sperm and egg that never make it,..all those possible people who are never born.
It makes it seem silly to waste time getting upset that one day we will die.
We should probably be thankful we got a chance to exist at all, but, being human, it's not enough is it?

That is why, while we are here it would be a good idea to be as useful and loving as we can and to make a difference even in tiny ways to others so we are remembered. That way we do live forever. We do make a difference every day . Learning mindfulness would help us to leave a positive memory behind when we go.

I can relate OP. I'm okay most of the time, because I make a point not to think about it. But when I do think about death it does frighten me. And for me it's not the death itself but the fact that I will go from being someone, to being nothing and not existing anymore. And the whole world going on as normal (as others have said).

What also freaks me out as well is the fact that one day my children wont be of this earth either. Hopefully they will have lived long happy lives and will go peacefully(and I wont be here to witness that), but the fact that one day they wont exist either really upsets me sometimes.

I don't believe in an afterlife and believe that once you are gone, it was like before you were born. So I try to live my life as fully as possible and I hope my children will too. That's all we can do!

It's best not to think about it if it causes anxiety, which is why I try not to!

I must say though that I have found some of the comments above quite comforting in a philosophical kind of way.

Headin hands....you've put it better than me, respect your right to your opinion, that's what I meant. All I can say is I have my beliefs, you have yours. It's nothing to fall out over, having different views.
I haven't said in any post that I don't ackknowledge your right to your opinions, nor have I said that they are ridiculous. I have a golden rule in life, never argue over religion, it gets you nowhere.

interesting discussion, whatever your beliefs (I don't have any)

OP - when a fear takes over your life like this, it is time to seek help. It's not your fault and there is no shame, but you must get some assistance. Please start with your GP and ask for a referral.

your partner is supposed to support you, not laugh at you. OK, so it may not make sense to him but it is worrying you, and therefore that needs to be dealt with.

I am petrified of dying young so much so that I developed severe health anxiety since three of my children lost their father to cancer when he was 39 years old- a year ago. He was my ex h but we were very close.

My worst fear is leaving my children behind and three of them having to go through my death at a young age when they have already lost their dad.

I am scared of how I might die. My ex was in agony the day he died and had to wait hours for the nurses to give him enough morphine to put him out of pain and to sedate him so he was in agony and suffering with delusions for hours. He was scared, he didn't know who anyone was.

However, he went so very peacefully when he died. His breaths just slowed down and then stopped. No fight, no nothing, just peaceful. I sat with a woman at work who was dying and she too just slowly stopped breathing. Same for my grandma.

My mum works with the elderly and says pretty much all of them are accepting of death, they say it is not their world anymore and they will be quite happy when it is time to go as they have had enough, and they do not mean it in a depressive way either.

I used to be a spiritualist but now I am an agnostic becoming quite close to being an atheists. I have asked my ex to show me a sign that he is still around but he never gives me one and I assume that if spirits were real he would be able to do so. I don't even want to come back or go to 'heaven', I much prefer the idea of just dying and that be it. I would love to think that my ex is looking down on our children and not missing out on watching them grow up, but I know he is missing out and that is what scares me about death, more than actually dying itself. I assume that when you die your brain does something and it really isn't a big deal to the person dying.

I have seen more mediums than I care to count.

I used to believe in them very strongly. Now I just think that they have a gift, but it isn't the gift of speaking to dead people. It's perception or something. I don't believe they are all cold readers at all but I don't believe they are talking to the dead.

I used to believe that people were energy and energy had to go somewhere. When I turn off my radio where does that energy go? no where special, so I no longer see a reason to believe that our energy goes anywhere special either.

I don't want to come back or anything. I like the idea of just resting forever.

My biggest anxiety around life and death actually relates to the universe. Does it stop? Where? What's on the other side of the end of the universe? If there's nothing then how? If there's something then how? I feel like there must be a "roof" and "walls" somewhere, but then what's on the other side and what's on the other side of the other side? Why and how?

Last year I was diagnosed with depression. Most of my life I had been extraordinary active and had loads of travel adventures and filled my days up doing new things and having fun. Gradually depression creeped up on me and one of the things that happened was I stopped doing all the things that I liked because there was no point. I reasoned that once I'm dead it would have made no difference if I had those expiernces or whether I sat in my living room day in and day out. Nobody would care, my memories of them would have been switched off and not exist anymore.

Although I wasn't suicidal I almost wanted to fast forward my life and have it done with ( that sounds really shocking now I have written it down)
When people are being risky and they justify it with ' never mind, long time dead' I want to say well what's the point then, you are going to be dead.

I'm rambling, I'm sorry, I guess this thread has shake up emotions that I tried to figure out a while back and then with my friend dying the other day I'm just going round in circles with my thoughts.

I guess we will find out the answer when our time comes!

Why and how

I'd love to know, but as yet we don't. I will not do the universe a disservice by making stuff up to believe. I will just have to accept that I don't know but what I do know is that this corner of the universe is nicer if I am kind to the people around me, the universe got this far without me knowing how exactly it got here and how it will end and I'm sure it will continue without my help.

"Faith is the belief in things unseen" Hebrews11.1.
That's the best way I like to describe it.

thanks for answering mermaid, I had a similar experience with a medium after my mum died.

Faith is the belief in things unseen

So it doesn't matter what the belief is then? I don't understand how it is good to believe in things unseen or without good reason. If I announce I believe there is an invisible unicorn in my wardrobe is that good, is that faith?

I'm with aurynne and Sorcha, also "Somewhere* (from first page)

I'm not scared at all, though hope for a peaceful death at end of long life.

Am concerned so many worry about hell or what may happen after death to us and loved ones.

For me I'll just be happy to rest in peace/ or more bluntly to cease to exist - as Somewhere says just like we were before we were conceived - when we were star dust if you like ....

I like the words of poem ...

"And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over"

Even without the dream a long sleep will suit me just fine after all this!

It is an interesting thread. My mother died 4 months ago and I saw her shortly afterwards. She apparently went calmly but did not look calm when I saw her, head back, mouth open and nothing left of 'her'. Since then I have been thinking about death a lot and remembering what she said to me as she grew unwell. 'I do not want to leave and never see the birds, trees and flowers ever again '. This makes me so sad and to fear being dead myself.

I believe in a loving God who does not send anyone to a place called Hell. I do not believe he would have anyone condemned to eternal suffering so I do not think we have anything to worry about.

We should really learn to let go of even wondering about death and just accept it. No amount of worry will change the fact that we will die. I suppose worrying is just a waste of energy.We were not here for millions of years and once we die, once again, the world will exist without us.
Our personality dies. Perhaps our spiritual essence lives on.

So it doesn't matter what the belief is then?...... Yes it matters, it's referring to belief in God.

V v interesting thread

Anybody who would like to learn a bit more about how a medium might work may enjoy this book - be warned though: it is meticulously researched, but contains rather black humour and satire. It may not be for everyone.
It explained a lot of 'impossible' knowledge and how a medium might come by it to me.

I agree that if a fear of death is so severe that it gives you anxiety attacks, dragdown, then it is time to seek some help about regaining control over your thoughts and feelings (CBT can be v useful for that - speak to your GP).

I think it is very normal to become more acutely aware of ones own mortality when one has children: the responsibility and also the sense of generations moving on can be v powerful.
I suppose I am lucky that I v much think that what will be, will be.
I don't have any kind of faith in a 'higher being', but I am at heart an optimist and believe that things have a tendency to work themselves out.

And of course nobody really knows what happens after we are dead (I am not sure that I 'trust' near-death experiences tbh) which is why I don't think it is worthwhile speculating about it. Denial is a wonderful thing

Those of you who have a faith which gives you comfort - great.
If it just induces fear and dread - not so much.

Even when I was more of a believer than I am now Suggestme I never believed in a hell. My God was always a nice one - like me only better?!

Ridiculous to believe in a God who would send people to eternal damnation after death. That's just so very unlikely to me.
But then I think I've always known there would be a peaceful nothingness really x

similar to SicilianOlives I am scared of dying and one day just being nothing. I am also scared of what will happen to my body. and now I'm a mother I'm scared of what will happen to my son when he dies and the reality that he will one day die tears me apart.

when I was pregnant I was in hospital for monitoring and I had a flashing image of me dying in childbirth and suddenly got really scared that dp wouldn't be able to cope without me. 2 weeks later his mother suddenly died. that was almost a year ago and I still haven't come to terms with it. not the circumstances of her death, the fact she isn't here any more or that all that remains of her is her ashes on fils mantelpiece.

I don't even know where to start trying to not be so scared of the whole thing.

martha so why isn't it considered faith if I believe in something else I haven't seen? What would you call believing in something unseen other than god, or specifically your god Why is it virtuous in one case but not another when both are clearly as valid?