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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask how wanky hiring a tutor for your DCs really is?

127 replies

Sharpelbowsornot · 11/02/2015 20:14

Because I've always thought it, well, not that big a deal, but a wee bit wanky, maybe because I only know people who already spend a ton on their DCs education and then pay for a tutor on top.

And now I am considering it for one particular subject myself. (For a DC in state education.) I can't really afford it, but it would only be for a limited time.

So, tutoring: is it a legit top-up to their regular education, or a sharp-elbowed way of shoving your pfb to the front?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 11/02/2015 20:16

part of me thinks it is wacky be case if they can't keep up the work standards on their own without a tutor then they shouldn't be grouped or get the school they did if that makes sense.

However the other half says go for it as my catchment secondary is shit and if a tutor kept dd out if there then I'd sell a kidney to pay for one.

Sn00p4d · 11/02/2015 20:17

I tutor. It tends to be children who are struggling a wee bit and helps redress the balance, I've no experience of having tutored children who would already be considered "gifted" but I dare say it happens! Depends what your motivation is I suppose whether it's wanky or not!

Weathergames · 11/02/2015 20:17

Hiring a tutor to get into Grammar is wanky.

To get them through a GCSE is not.

DD has a Maths tutor as she is crap at Maths (as am I). She does well in everything else and doesn't want to retake in yr 12.

HerrenaHarridan · 11/02/2015 20:18

Who cares if it's wanky? If you think your dc will benefit from and enjoy additional learning from a 1-1 tutor and you can afford to provide it then get in with it, never mind what everyone one else is or isn't doing.

CuddlesfromChickens · 11/02/2015 20:20

Nothing wrong with getting a tutor to help your DC through a sticky patch. Sometimes they just need a but more time/practice on a particular topic.

We don't have 11plus type exams here so I can't speak to that.

Flimflammer · 11/02/2015 20:20

Legit top up. My son was heading towards foundation maths at GCSE and predicted a D. I knew he could do better and he had a tutor once a week for twelve weeks, ended up doing higher paper and got a B. The tutor reckoned he would have got an A if the lessons had started earlier. £25 a week well spent.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/02/2015 20:21

I always thought it was wanky, but actually it's only the same as helping your child yourself if you are able.
For example, in a sahm with a maths degree. My kids essentially have a permanent maths tutor. So, no difference to hiring a maths tutor if you can't do maths.

wifeandmotherandlotsofother · 11/02/2015 20:22

My daughter is in her last year at school doing A2 level, since end of November she has had no teacher in 1 subject ( teacher off very ill) and school cannot get a constant replacement, she has had a 2 week and a 3 week supply teacher, the rest of the time they are just getting on with it themselves.
This subject is the one she will be doing at uni, I feel no option but to pay for tutoring as this is the most important year for her and she needs a specific grade in this A2 to fulfil her conditional offer for uni

TheFirstOfHerName · 11/02/2015 20:22

It depends what it is for.

A tutor can be hired for many reasons.
To help a child regain confidence after absence due to illness.
To address a specific learning difficulty.
To increase the chances of achieving a high score in a particular exam.
To avoid a child being at a disadvantage because many of their peers have a tutor.
To help the child keep up in a school or ability set that is a bit of a stretch for them.

I have never hired a tutor, but I have given my children extra help at home for some of the reasons above.

Original poster
Sharpelbowsornot · 11/02/2015 20:22

It's to get them through a particular GCSE, one where I can't help (which TBF is all of them, but never mind).

I have no idea how to go about it! And what do you pay a tutor? I can't imagine it's less than £25 an hour.

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 11/02/2015 20:22

if your dc needs the extra help then I don't see why it is an issue. if money is the issue contact the school and see of any 6th formers can help for payment or if already in 6th form see if you have a local uni that can help

mooth · 11/02/2015 20:24

Depends if you're worried about what other people think or if you want to child to have the best chance that you can provide.

Hypotenuse · 11/02/2015 20:24

I've tutored a lot and I think it can help for disadvantaged areas where kids are let down by being a good kid in a rough school so they get little attention. Teachers can't spend time with these kids out of lessons anymore. Unfortunately these kids are unlikely to be able to afford a tutor.

OTOH If everyone did it, it would have no effect on individual results as it would just higher the grade boundaries.

ChippingInGluggingOn · 11/02/2015 20:25

Would it be wanky to help DD if you could?

No.

So why is it wanky to pay someone to do what you cannot?

It's ONLY ever wanky, if someone does it simply to say they do it. Thinking it's wanky to help your child is joining the race to the bottom frankly.

OhFlippityBolax · 11/02/2015 20:25

For GCSE and A level not wanky at all

For primary school bright kids extremely wanky

Fluffyears · 11/02/2015 20:26

I think if a child struggles in a subject some one on one coaching from a different perspective than the normal teacher can help. I was crap at maths and tended to avoid it which I wouldn't have been able to do if I had a tutor like my friend and DP did.

Theselittlelightsofmine · 11/02/2015 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springcleanish · 11/02/2015 20:27

My son has had a maths tutor for 4 months, year 11. Gone from grade D to a firm C and may well get a B. That's not wanky, it's a resit he won't be forced to take and entry to college.

morethanpotatoprints · 11/02/2015 20:27

There are tutors for all kinds of subjects, for all sorts of reasons.
I don't think you can generalise tbh, one persons wanky my be anothers necessity.
My dd has a language tutor and several music tutors, its a vital part of her education and her curriculum.

WillBeatFebruaryBlues · 11/02/2015 20:28

I think you need to ask yourself how you would respond to your DD if she flunks and asks if you should have helped her if you realised she was struggling.

You said " Sorry dear, I did see you were struggling and I even went as far as paying for a tutor but then I thought, Nah, Wanky" Confused.

Ask yourself, how she would feel?

If I knew my parents could have made things better but decided not too, I would be pretty upset.

ChippingInGluggingOn · 11/02/2015 20:29

The cost will depend a lot on where you live.

Also, be wary if using UNI students after a quick buck, some of them know their stuff, but can't teach it. Nothing wrong with older students/UNI students, just check references to make sure they've actually helped previous students.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/02/2015 20:29

For primary school bright kids extremely wanky

well if your happy for your kid to have to go to a school with the lowest gcse scores in the county out of principle. ....

ChippingInGluggingOn · 11/02/2015 20:30

For primary school bright kids extremely wanky

Enjoy the race to the bottom.

isitsnowingyet · 11/02/2015 20:31

Well said mooth.

WyrdByrd · 11/02/2015 20:31

I think lots of wanky people hire tutors for the wrong reasons, but that doesn't mean hiring a tutor is swanky in itself iykwim Grin.

I would say it sounds like a sensible thing to do in your circumstances.

I could've done with one for Maths GCSE back in the day, but we couldn't afford it. Instead my very tenacious mum taught herself the syllabus with library books & nailed me to the dining table for an hour a night for my last year. I didn't thank her for it at the time but I can't tell you how bloody grateful I was when I got my grade C & didn't have to retake to do my A-levels.

Only hope DD has inherited some of her talent & patience with numbers 'cos I really can't see me doing likewise when the time come!

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