...to ask how wanky hiring a tutor for your DCs really is?

[Sharpelbowsornot]

Because I've always thought it, well, not that big a deal, but a wee bit wanky, maybe because I only know people who already spend a ton on their DCs education and then pay for a tutor on top.

And now I am considering it for one particular subject myself. (For a DC in state education.) I can't really afford it, but it would only be for a limited time.

So, tutoring: is it a legit top-up to their regular education, or a sharp-elbowed way of shoving your pfb to the front?

[KindleFancy]

Generally, I think the younger a child is the wankier it is.

I go on the education boards quite a bit and there's usually someone engaging a tutor for a 4 year old to get them into a certain school. I just feel it's a bit sad - if my 4/7 year old wasn't 'naturally' bright enough to get in where ever I'm not sure I'd want to push them into a highly academic environment anyway.

[KindleFancy]

The same kind of goes for grammar too - if a kid needs a year of intensive tutoring to get them into a grammar, how is the poor kid going to maintain it?

[mimiasovitch]

Many moons ago I had a maths tutor as I was really struggling. 1 year with the tutor and I was put up to the top set and got an A. For me it was the ability to ask questions without being afraid of what the louder kids thought. For many quieter children that is a big deal.

[neme]

Not wanky at all. If your child isn't getting the education to enable them to reach their full potential or would like to explore a subject that isn't taught well/at all in their school then what's wanky about helping them to do that if you can?

[TheNewStatesman]

I don't see it's any different from sending your kid to school or teaching them yourself. It's all teaching.

Tutor your kid you want to, don't if you don't :)

[SoupDragon]

I really don't understand why it is wanky to value your child's education.

[PtolemysNeedle]

I don't understand why people think it's wanky to tutor for the 11+ for grammar schools.

It might have been a while ago back when people didn't routinely use tutors, but nowadays, to not use a tutor or to not tutor yourself, actively leaves a child at a disadvantage. The 11+ is based on all KS2 work, which is often not covered at all at school before October/November before the test is taken, and it seems a lot more wanky to me to send a child in for a test when they've never been taught the stuff they're going to be tested on.

Also, tutoring for 11+ is sometimes just about making up the difference between one or two marks. It's so competitive now, tutoring isn't going to get an unintelligent child a place at a grammar, but it could make all the difference between one very bright child getting a place over another very bright child.

I think it's very small minded to assume that a tutored child will struggle when they get to grammar school, it shows complete ignorance over how the whole thing works.

[SonorousBip]

Hmmm, I think levels of wankiness depend on age of child and reason for tutoring. Please feel free to post both and we will then judge.

My Dd is just doing secondary school entrance - from a good prep school to various independent schools in London. I would say that somewhere between two thirds and three quarters of her class were having private tutoring - this is on top of us paying c5k a term fees to a well regarded school which spends Y6 doing nothing other than prepping them for these exams. I know it makes the school tear their hair out, because they say that it often badly confuses children, teaches them things in a different order and possibly in a different way. Also, as the school points out, they actually know more than the tutors about various entrance exams (tutor may not have had someone sit for a particular school for 2-3 years), what the individual schools are looking for, what that child's strengths and weaknesses are (they have CAT tests going back over years) etc.

DD said in her maths class, the teacher asked them now the exams are over for the DC to fess up who had had tutoring or had had extra work independently set by their parents. Only two of them had not (inc DD).

[SoupDragon]

When I took the 11+, we were taught how to pass it in school.

[skylark2]

I've always found it bizarre that anyone would hire a tutor when they're already paying for private education. Why pay for an education you don't think is suitable for your kid?

But honestly, if I thought my kid needed a tutor, I'd get them a tutor. I couldn't care less whether a bunch of sheeple thought it was "wanky". I don't make decisions based on whether Mrs Jones next door approves, or whether the mums at the school gate might discover I wasn't exactly like them in every way.

[KellyElly]

Wtf's wanky about hiring a tutor?

[TheWordFactory]

I don't see why tutoring is wanky.

I would do it in a heartbeat if necessary.

I pay for private school, tennis lessons, music lessons, LAMDA lessons.

What use money if not to spend on my DC?

[funnyossity]

I agree Kelly but there have been posters above who have said it's essentially unfair.

I see that sort of blanket assertion as coming from the place that says achievement has to be natural and unaided, which is utter nonsense.

We are all generally capable of more with some focussed teaching. A class of many pupils is never going to get the best results with all of them. My son has been quite underconfident in class and tbh I wish I had got him a tutor for basic English in primary! As it is we waited to secondary and have to retrench to focus on maths with a tutor.

[GrouchyKiwi]

I tutored a girl for English standard grades in Scotland. She had the ability but didn't think she could do it so had never passed an English test our exam.

Tutoring gave her confidence and she passed her exam.

[Bambambini]

Just done this for my yr 8 child for Maths. Only on week two and she's really enjoying it. She's in the top set but in i feel not grasping things as well as she could. I want her to enjoy maths and "get it" - as I didnt. Might be a short term thing - we'll see how it goes.

[Rhianna1980]

Education is the best thing you can arm your kid with for a better future. It will be money well spent. People calling education top up 'wanky' clearly have their priorities in the wrong order.

[adsy]

Why is it wanky to want your child to get into a grammar school?

[Andrewofgg]

I grew up in a household full of books with parents who were multi-lingual. Language learning was like mother' milk to me (except that I was ff ) and my O and A Level results proved it.

Was that unfair, wanky, wrong in any way?

[bronya]

Ask around and get a recommendation. Better to pay more for someone with experience and good results behind them.

[TwoOddSocks]

I tutor so naturally I don't think it's wanky :).

Seriously though I have a range of students a few very smart ones that aren't challenged in school, some middling students that just want to get the best possible grade, one bright kid from boarding school who won't revise when at home unless he has someone sitting over his shoulder, some who struggle and need the help to stop them completely drowning.

I honestly think it makes sense if you can afford it. I get to tailer the teaching exactly to their needs, make sure they've understood each topic thoroughly before they build on it at the next level (I teach maths so it's important to understand one thing before moving on to the next).

A teacher only has time to explain things once or twice I can spend the time coming at a topic from different angles until the student understands. I can also spend the time identifying exactly where the student is getting stuck and address that issue. A teacher may not have the time with 29 other students to worry about.

The only time I think it's a little silly is when I have a student who is more than capable of learning everything by themselves and has no interest in going beyond their school work but just doesn't have the motivation. Then I essentially just end up doing their revision for them, when they should be learning those skills themselves.

[StrangeGlue]

The idea of banning tutors (up thread) is really odd. I think people have an idea of turn of the century governesses drilling little tarquin on Latin verbs.

Most people I know use tutors to either: compensate for poor school teaching; focus on specific learning difficultly; foster a talent or interest. I had for all three of these reasons in my life: maths gcse rubbish teacher; primary age for dyslexia; and, all through life to learn instruments.

I think there are v few over all who do it to keep up with the jones.

[KindleFancy]

Unless your child is struggling (really struggling with something in particular, in which case I get it) I find it 'wanky' because there's just so much more they could be doing.

Tbh the younger a child is (4/5/6 year olds with a tutor) the less I see that it's a wonderful thing for a parent to do for their child's education and the more it implies lack of parental engagement to me.

Why would you tutor a 6 year old in maths, for instance? Why not just do it yourself...help them expand if they're all ready excelling or catch up if they're not? And if your maths skills are not sufficient to work at a 6 year olds level, I think the tutor would be better employed elsewhere tbh

[engeika]

kelly I completely agree. I cannot see why trying to help your child do anything they want to do is a bad thing.

People getting all self-righteous on here would I guess allow their child to do a ballet lesson, or football coaching, or buy books for them, or buy "educational" toys and games or do any number of things that helped develop their individual child.

Not all children will have the same advantages. One parent might have books but might not be the "take them to the park and play" type. One might have time to help with homework, one might not.

The idea that tutors should be banned is just stupid - ESPECIALLY when we are talking about children who have learning difficulties and need to catch up.

[GoodbyeToAllOfThat]

Unless your child is struggling (really struggling with something in particular, in which case I get it) I find it 'wanky' because there's just so much more they could be doing.

What do you think my son should be doing instead of math extension work?

[HamishBamish]

Wanky? Not at all.

If your child needs tutoring for whatever reason, then why on earth why wouldn't you do it if you had the money?

I don't get all the angst about everything being equal. Nothing in life is equal or fair. It's impossible to make life a level playing field for all. I use the resources I have at my disposal to do what I think is best for my DC. It doesn't enter my head not to do this because someone else isn't able to afford the same for their children. There's lots I can't afford to give my children that others can. I don't bellyache about it, I just accept that's the way life is!