Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

...to ask how wanky hiring a tutor for your DCs really is?

127 replies

Sharpelbowsornot · 11/02/2015 20:14

Because I've always thought it, well, not that big a deal, but a wee bit wanky, maybe because I only know people who already spend a ton on their DCs education and then pay for a tutor on top.

And now I am considering it for one particular subject myself. (For a DC in state education.) I can't really afford it, but it would only be for a limited time.

So, tutoring: is it a legit top-up to their regular education, or a sharp-elbowed way of shoving your pfb to the front?

OP posts:

KindleFancy · 12/02/2015 09:59

What do you think my son should be doing instead of math extension

Depends on whether he enjoys the maths extension work and if it was requested or forced on him.

Do you really need a list of all the wonderful things kids can do (or you can do with your kids) other than sitting at a table with a tutor?

SuperFlyHigh · 12/02/2015 10:03

My mother tutored primary school kids - one was a posh private school pupil and she needed help generally - quite bright but was lagging behind. the other was a state school child who I think maths and english weren't his strong points.

I don't know what happened to the posh girl but the state school one we're still in touch with, he's now an architect.

Parents will always pay if they think they need help - what's wrong with that?!

Oh and I was tutored for my GCSEs when my mum took me out of my private school (convent) for 6 months so I suppose my mum (a teacher) was being wanky to do that too....

TwoOddSocks · 12/02/2015 10:14

KindleFancy

I find often (not always) parents make terrible teachers of their own kids. Teaching isn't just about knowing the material. 95% of parents could handle a 6 year olds maths homework but that isn't the same as being able to teach it effectively. Also the personal relationship can get in the way. I don't agree with drilling 4-6 year olds for school entrance etc. but see nothing wrong with giving them extra help to fulfil their potential if you do it in a fun way.

I also think the attitude that "there's so much else they could be doing" terrible and part of the reason so few students take up maths. Maths can be interesting and fun - I find the majority of students are able to enjoy it when they're given the opportunity to really understand it, especially outside of the endless repetition at school.

SoupDragon · 12/02/2015 10:24

if your maths skills are not sufficient to work at a 6 year olds level, I think the tutor would be better employed elsewhere tbh

Utter nonsense. My maths skills are up to the job but I would make a dreadful job of trying to teach.

Moominmammacat · 12/02/2015 10:45

Don't approve of it in the slightest because it shouldn't be necessary ... but my youngest DS, who had big SN problems which weren't dealt with by school, had a tutor in seven subjects at GCSE. Cost arm and leg but got him through the hoop to A level where he could cope with subjects he did understand. Do it if you need to!

KellyElly · 12/02/2015 10:49

Do you really need a list of all the wonderful things kids can do (or you can do with your kids) other than sitting at a table with a tutor? Why does it have to be one or the other? Surely a child can be tutored and do fun stuff. It's not like they'll be spending every waking hour being tutored.

worksallhours · 12/02/2015 10:51

Banning private tutors doesn't work. All it does it screw children from non-academic/professional families with no "contacts".

I taught in a country with a state education system where it was illegal to be a private tutor or hire one for your child. You could be reported for it and fined a fair whack. The idea behind the law was one of "fairness" and an "equal chance" for each child.

In reality, the law handed extraordinary advantage to the country's professional elite. They could afford to send their children to one of the four private schools in the country, they had the academic background to teach and help their children at home, and they had the contacts to organise specialist help in areas that no-one in their families could cover.

In contrast, the law prevented agricultural villagers from hiring a tutor to help their children learn to read and write, which was something they had done for years prior to the law.

KindleFancy · 12/02/2015 11:06

I also think the attitude that "there's so much else they could be doing" terrible and part of the reason so few students take up maths

I think you misunderstand me...I didn't mean 'maths is shit and boring, why bother'.

I love maths and my ds1 (age 7) does extended maths at school. We spend a lot of time on maths at home and I teach him myself...he's done a few old Year 6 SATs maths papers for fun on a Sunday afternoon (I shit you not).

But it's driven by him...his two loves are maths and football and he'd have a hard job to choose between them.

My comment about 'there's so much else they could be doing' refers to those who pootle along at an 'acceptable' standard but are then chained to a desk with a tutor by parents who are determined to make them 'the best'. If they have no love for a particular subject, I find that sad.

Bluepants · 12/02/2015 11:15

I am not sure why you give a stuff what anyone on MN thinks.

If your kid needs help and you have the means to do so (either yourself or paying someone) then you should get on and do it.

Your first duty is to your child. Not to ensure Mumsnetters think you are cool.

madmomma · 12/02/2015 14:09

My dd had tutoring to scrape a C in her maths gcse. She was working at an F in her mocks (dyscalculia) and got her C with the help of a fabulous tutor and a brilliant maths TA at school. There would have been no chance of her getting it without the tutor, no matter how hard she had worked. I don't think it's remotely wanky to have a tutor.

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/02/2015 14:14

I think people who are lucky enough to live in areas where the schools are consistently good and any potential option is acceptable will feel differently from people who want to do their best to keep their kids out of the failing schools.

my catchment primary and secondary schools are shit as I stated before.

I wish I could afford a tutor I really do because of dd fails the 11 plus it doesn't bare thinking about where she could end up.

SanityClause · 12/02/2015 14:20

DD1 has had a teacher leave at Christmas. She sits GCSEs this year.

The new teacher has assured them he will get them all a C. Great, but she was forecast A*.

She needs an A to study this at A level, which she wants to do.

So, I have offered to get a tutor for her.

Wanky? Why would I give a shit?

Flingmoo · 12/02/2015 14:27

Your first duty is to your child. Not to ensure Mumsnetters think you are cool. This should appear as a disclaimer on every parenting-related MN thread

I don't see why people would be (reverse?) snobs about private tutors, it's not as if only wealthy parents can afford it. Like I mentioned on this thread previously, I had a few sessions with a maths tutor as a teenager and my parents were broke - if you think your child needs something you just cut back on other expenses for a few weeks. Almost anyone can afford a few sessions with a reasonably priced private tutor.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 12/02/2015 14:36

Not wanky.

My dad was a teacher who also did private maths tutoring sessions outside of school hours.

Most of the pupils he saw privately were fairly bright but just not 'getting' some aspect of the syllabus, which was letting them down grade wise. Many, many pupils can benefit from some 1 to 1 tutoring, and the amount of pupils who came to him with a predicted D, E, F or worse at GCSE/O-Level (he did this for many years) and finally achieved a C or better was very high. In fact I would say almost everyone he tutored did improve by at least one grade.

So, when that one grade can make the difference between being able to move on to your chosen course or not - yes, of course, it is a valid choice to help your child achieve that.

wigglesrock · 12/02/2015 14:38

I've just organised a tutor for my P6 (NI) dd - she's 9.5. She'll be sitting the transfer tests from November - 5 tests in all (3 for state grammars, 2 for Catholic). When I was at school we spend a good academic year preparing for the 11+ - sitting practice papers, going over anything that might come up, knowing our tables, division, multiplication, grammar, comprehension inside and out, upside and down. Since the abolition of the 11+ and the fiasco that has come about (ie the 5 exams instead of the two, charges for sitting the state exams), the primary schools aren't supposed to prepare the pupils for any of the exams. Most parents I know pay for a tutor to get through the exams, the tutor I use is a teacher, it's £20 for about an hour and 15 mins and she'll see her every week for about 4 months.

I don't really care if it's wanky.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 12/02/2015 14:39

And, yes, I totally agree that this;

Your first duty is to your child. Not to ensure Mumsnetters think you are cool.

Should be added to the usual MN disclaimer .

gabsdot45 · 12/02/2015 15:39

I don't know what Wanky means but anyway. My dd age 7 has a tutor who comes twice a week for 1 hour each time. The reason is that DD can't read and is really behind in school. I know I 'could' work with her but her usual 10 minutes of homework drives me insane.

SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 12/02/2015 15:50

I'm considering getting a maths tutor for DD (11) because she has a real mental block when it comes to maths, she insists she can't do it, but I just know she can. I'm a lousy teacher and homework sessions generally end in tears (both) as I get impatient at her 'not getting it' and she digs her heels in. If it's wanky then I hold my hands up to being a complete wanker. I want DD to be the best she can be, if I knew the 15/50 she was regularly getting on tests was the best she could do then fine but I know that it isn't!!

WiltsWonder15 · 12/02/2015 15:57

OP, that you even consider the use of the term 'wanky' to describe using the resources at your disposal to help your children suggests that, for you, this is not the done thing.

Leave it to others, who don't have a problem with helping their own children.

I am sure your children will come to thank you in the fullness of time.

Transporter · 12/02/2015 16:12

It's wanky for anyone else to hire a tutor for their DC

But It's not wanky for you to hire a tutor for your own child

Andrewofgg · 12/02/2015 17:18

Transporter

When I hear of teachers not doing the best they can for the education of their own children then I will disapprove of private tutoring. And I am the son and brother of teachers, so I have known many, and they all pull the stops out for their children.

Scrounger · 12/02/2015 20:48

Seattle just do it. I was in the same position, I tried to do it (I'm an accountant so I know maths) but i couldn't. I couldn't explain to DS how to overcome a block or find a number of ways to explain it and I was impatient if he didn't get it straight away. Add to the mix two smaller children and it wasn't working. We got a primary maths school teacher who tutors and he has come on in leaps and bounds. His confidence has increased and he whizzes through maths homework where before it had been "I'm stupid I can't do it". He basically plays games to learn maths and he enjoys going. He isn't chained to a table. The tutoring is focused on him and what he wants to look at or is finding difficult.

notquiteruralbliss · 12/02/2015 21:33

I get mine tutors as / when they ask me to. They know when they need help or a different perspective. Not wanky at all.

SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 12/02/2015 21:48

Is once a week for an hour enough? Or would you suggest more often?

mooth · 12/02/2015 22:01

FFS. Did you think state education is free?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread