...to ask how wanky hiring a tutor for your DCs really is?

[Sharpelbowsornot]

Because I've always thought it, well, not that big a deal, but a wee bit wanky, maybe because I only know people who already spend a ton on their DCs education and then pay for a tutor on top.

And now I am considering it for one particular subject myself. (For a DC in state education.) I can't really afford it, but it would only be for a limited time.

So, tutoring: is it a legit top-up to their regular education, or a sharp-elbowed way of shoving your pfb to the front?

[SauvignonBlanche]

We pay £30 an hour for DS who has AS and is struggling. If that is wanky, then I'm a wanker.

[Allstoppedup]

I really struggled (still do) with maths at school.

I doubt very much I would have passed my maths GCSE without my maths tutor. I went from yr9 to yr11 once a week with a few top up study days before big exams and I was so proud and happy of my C grade!

I would highly recommend it. Granted as a teen I didn't always love it but I am very grateful looking back.

[RufusTheReindeer]

I have a tutor for ds1

In year 10 his science class turned totally to shit, bad behaviour in the class, teacher apparently unable to cope. We left it from the September til the Feb half term (I think) speaking to head of year and head of department and they eventually changed the class round

But by then, and with his first science gcse taking place in the May, they had completely destroyed his confidence and the entire class was horrendously behind

So we paid for a tutor, she has massively increased his confidence, he got a very good grade in his mocks and hopefully will do well at this gcse

The good thing about her is that if he wants help with writing an essay or maths she will accommodate that

[hippo123]

I have just started my year 3 state educated child with a tutor. It's not to get him into a selective school. It's certainly not to show off to other parents I would be embarrassed to tell people to be honest, tutoring isn't the norm here. It's because he hasn't managed to grasp the basics of letter formation and phonics. He is now on the sen register and has an iep. I see little point in him moving onto harder stuff at school until he has the basics. He struggles with concentration in the classroom environment but is really enjoying his time with a tutor and I gave already seen an improvement.

[tilliebob]

Wtf's wanky about hiring a tutor? We have one for DS1 for maths. As long as we get him through N5 I'm not fussed about Higher. Sadly he's following me in that I could ace any English exam but maths is a foreign language.

[Slippersandacuppa]

We're a bit stuck with this one. We didn't think of hiring a tutor, hoping that everything would even itself out and the DCs would end up at a school matched to their ability. I'd hate for them to be pushed to get in somewhere (we have several excellent grammar schools nearby) and then struggle.

The eldest is in Year 3 and the other parents are already talking about tutors. Most children in the school are tutored to pass their 11+ so of course, if we choose not to, our children aren't on a level playing field. I'd love to stick to our ideals (I don't agree with the amount of homework they get as it is) but I just feel we would be doing them a disservice. I can't understand how, by choosing to get them a tutor, we would be wanky though?

[PtolemysNeedle]

If a child would benefit from having a tutor, then hiring one is clearly not wanky. It's just sensible. There are so many good, valid reasons for using a tutor, to dismiss it completely would be very small minded.

It's sad that you'd even have to consider that you might be thought of as wanky by others for using a tutor. I think it's a British thing.

[DakotaFanny]

I'll do it!

Not wanky at all for GCSE.....unless you are forcing it upon a totally uncommitted dc, in which case it is a bit, and a massive waste of your money too. If it is something you both think would be helpful, go ahead.

Agree, phone the school and ask if there is someone from that subject who does any work outside of school or can recommend someone.

[RufusTheReindeer]

Oooh I forgot

Ds2 had one for about 6 months as his handwriting was rubbish, both tutor and child got bored halfway through the hour so we agreed they could do half an hour of handwriting and half an hour of maths which they both love!!

[Holliegolightlyscat]

for primary school bright kids extremely wanky
That's a sweeping statement! We have recently started my 9 yr old dd with a lovely tutor whom my ds has worked with also. There are numerous reasons why but the main one is that she's extremely bright, top of the class and in a maths group with one other kid from her year - she recently told us they regularly are given a book of harder sums and told to basically go sit in the corner and work it out. We unfortunately get the impression that with 30 kids to a class there is just no time to spend on pushing a couple if kids who are racing ahead of the rest. The decision to send her to the tutor is that we are worried she may lose her enthusiasm for learning if she isn't given the attention she needs and becomes ambivalent or bored. It's a tricky age and that momentum and interest needs to be fueled or it can all go wrong. She absolutely loves doing schoolwork (little swot) and was thrilled when we told her she was going to the tutor- she finished her first set of homework as soon as she got home and when it was marked a week later had only got one wrong (this was yr6 level work and she's in yr 4). Her dad and I don't have the patience or skills required to help her, the tutor - a bargain at £20 per hour does!

[fluffyraggies]

It never crossed my mind that it might be thought of as a wanky thing. DCs need to leave school with a basic level of maths and English under their belt as a minimum requirement for just about everything now. It's important that they get it if at all possible, otherwise they'll be saddled with re-sits in college etc.

Our experience with DD was almost identical the that of rufus' upthread. Except maths not science.

So much tutoring seems to be specifically for maths :/ Why?

If we had been able to afford for DD to have been tutored in English as well we would have done it for her. She passed anyway, but i know her grade would have been better still if we could have. Our maths tutor also tutored English.

It makes me feel guilty that we personally cannot afford the very best for our DCs. And makes me feel a bit cross at the 'system' too.

[OVienna]

It depends. Is your child in reception but you're getting a head start on 11 plus? Probably wanky.

[AShiningTiger]

enjoy the race to the bottom

Extremely wanky

[SocialMediaAddict]

I pay for a tutor twice a week for my dyslexic 9 year old. It makes a massive difference to him. I've begged the school for extra help but they are completely rubbish.

[Flingmoo]

Don't see why it's any different to paying to learn/enhance any other skill as a child or adult - swimming, guitar, language lessons etc.

At GCSE I was getting a bit behind in Maths, my parents offered to pay for a few sessions with a tutor, they were pretty broke at the time but it was only about 5 or so sessions, even after one session I had made huge progress and ended up getting an A* when before I was probably on track for a C.

Just being able to go over a few things 1:1 with an expert can increase confidence and iron out any small issues which might be holding a student back hugely. With 30 kids in a class a state school teacher is not always going to be able to cater for students who are either falling behind or far ahead of the average level of the class.

[PickleSarnie]

I got 17% in my Higher Maths prelim. Six sessions with a lovely tutor and I passed my actual exam with a B.

Not wonky wanky at all

[PickleSarnie]

Wanky. Not wonky wanky.

[Sharpelbowsornot]

Thanks everyone, and thanks particularly to FlimFlammer. I will take a look.

[Lazaretto]

I don't really understand the question. Either your dc really needs extra help or...they don't. It's up to you and them. Nothing to do with pfb or being wanky...

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Not wanky at all in my book ... Ds has got himself a gardening job to pay for private guitar lessons that we wouldn't be able to afford for him otherwise. It's your cash - spend it on helping your kids or having your nails done or whatever, totally your choice!

[maninawomansworld]

Who cares what anyone else thinks or does! If it will help your child then do it.
Critics are usually just jealous anyway.

[80schild]

Definitely not wanky if child is falling behind in a particular area, or if you want them to try for a school and there are gaps in their knowledge.

Very wanky if you are doing for a prolonged period of time just so your child can be in the top set and you can say "oh aren't they bright", primarily because they are not that bright - you have just trained them really well and at some point they will come undone.

I had a tutor for a while as a kid and it was the best thing for me. It was actually a learning curve for my parents who realised I don't learn well in a large group (who does, really?)

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I think it's fine.

[PtolemysNeedle]

Being able to say 'aren't they bright' isn't a good reason to tutor, but if it enables a child to be in the top set when otherwise they'd be bottom, then all it's doing is enabling a child to reach their full potential.

If a child can be top set when they are taught appropriately for their needs, but they can't be when it's just left up to school, then that says that there's something wrong with school, not with tutoring. Giving them extra help doesn't automatically mean they'll come undone later, far from it.