to ask if I'm being materialistic for considering leaving over this?

[AlmondAmy]

Before I met DP I was a single parent to my 7 and 5 year old, we've since had a 2 year old and 2 month old. I hate being financially dependent on him and feel like we're going nowhere because of it. He earns around £43k, we live in a rented house and he has three children from his previous marriage so pays a lot of maintenance and a lot in travel expenses to see them once per month. We're engaged but can't afford a wedding, we can't afford to save for a house or go on holiday. I can't spare the odd few pounds for a magazine or anything for the kids.

Before we met I had a part time job as a school receptionist, I'd just graduated from a great uni with a first and was planning to train as a teacher. The kids and I could afford weekends away and the odd treat and had a better quality of life. Now I can't afford to train as a teacher because of the childcare costs, I can't be a childminder until the children are older because the landlord won't allow it. I just feel like we're stuck being poor with no way to change things as we are. I love DP but just 'existing' with no money and no plans for the future feels like a waste of our lives. Am I being a materialistic cow?

Sometimes things look sensible until you're living the reality, even if you've done extensive hand wringing about the decision(s). Poor decision making can also be a hallmark of poverty and mental illness. I find it vindictive that you can do anything other than try and build someone in op's circs up to see that she can improve her situation without leaving her DH. Op I hope you are still listening to the constructive advice and talking to your DH...

I'm usually one for expecting people to face up to responsibilities they've chosen, but for heavens sake, this poor lady had a baby 2 months ago, is skint and struggling, and I can understand how hard it must be to see her partner not suffering with the cold, lack of sleep, poor meals etc., even if it's not his fault.

Now, I think it would be madness to leave her partner, even with no knowledge of the financial implications but I still have sympathy for the situation.

A reminder: baby was the result of a failed vasectomy. Not much of a choice there. And the two year old was conceived when her DP had children 5 mins away and no travel costs. I've been in that exact same situation with DSC being moved 200 miles away. DSCs mother makes no allowance for cost nor will she help with travel. It has gone to court and the judge upheld this appalling attitude. It's been a complete lifechanger for us (and not in a positive way..) - and we are lucky enough to still be able to afford treats.

OP, tell your DP how you feel about the situation. Not because it's his fault but because hopefully he will be supportive, help with any ideas for change and give you acknowledgement that life's really tough and you're doing a really good job right now. Sometimes that can mean the world.

Hang in there x