Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dickhead threatening to burn my hair!!

312 replies

ClockworkAngel · 07/02/2015 04:34

I have just got in from an otherwise good night out. Rarely I have a child free night so I went out with a good friend for her birthday.
I was having a brilliant time but she had invited some friends of hers. All of them are lovely but one. I disliked him from the start. He kept criticising me. For instance he kept calling me boring because I wasn't drinking alcohol but kept on and on all night about it, telling me I needed to 'cheer up and smile' and 'get a few more drinks down and loosen up'. Really fucking annoying.
Towards the end of the night, waiting for taxis, I ended up talking to an old friend I happened to bump into and as my back was turned, this guy took a lighter out his pocket and threatened the others he would burn my hair. He lit the lighter and held it up really close to my hair.
I couldn't get over what this guy had done but everyone else said I was overreacting and that it's 'only hair'. But that isn' t the point is it? If he had threatened to burn my skin everyone would be up in arms but why is it any different because it's my hair?
Am I overreacting? It happened over and hour ago and I'm still thinking about it. Do I need to get a grip?
I think my problem is that I just cannot get over how fucking thick some people can be. Doesn't take a genius to work out that burning someone's hair or whatever is potentially dangerous.
TIA

OP posts:
toothlessoldhag · 07/02/2015 10:02

You poor thing! I'd report it. The police would be unlikely to prosecute, but at least would be able to put this person straight that threats of assault are a crime, however much people belittle this.

diddl · 07/02/2015 10:06

"People keep saying "why call the police" because he hasn't committed a crime!! Yes he's been an arsehole but that doesn't mean the police should get involved. The police would not "record" this either!!"

I actually thought that threats against a person were a crime.

Why would it not be recorded?

KatieKaye · 07/02/2015 10:07

This prick made a threat of actual bodily and then started to carry out that threat.

That is a crime.

Just as much as holding a knife to someone's throat without actually breaking the skin is a crime. I would definitely report to the police. The consequences of him actually setting fire to OP are too horrific to think of. because it isn't just her hair - he was threatening to set her on fire. Saying it is "just hair" is diminishing his threat.

He's a first class fuckwit who clearly has huge issues and no concept of boundaries.

It is a perfectly valid choice not to drink alcohol. Sounds like he can only have "success" if he and his victims are plastered.

Nomama · 07/02/2015 10:08

One text:

Many thanks for the fun night out last night. I appreciate that you found the actions of XX really appropriate for your birthday amusement, I did not. Having been harrassed and bored by the idiot all night long I was even less impressed when he threatened to set light to my hair and you thought it highly amusing.

I hope you enjoyed your birthday celebration, but please, do not invite me to any more.

vinegarandbrownpaper · 07/02/2015 10:10

I think you should kidnap him and rub nail polish remover in his hair whilst dancing around saying 'its only hair its only hair' manically whils grinning and dancing around. Then get the lighter out and watch him plead and beg. Then you can say 'lighten up you're so boring' and pour high alcohol polish vodka on him, spilling it and saying 'its so flammable, so dangerous whilst continuing manic laughter. If you can get your friends in to say 'can't you take a joke' or better, put it on a tape loop with a bit of echo. You'll need to mock up an exit.. perhaps saying to yourself 'get the blowtorch, yes get the blowtorch' then go back to 'its only hair' and leave the room.
for health and safety make sure there is some blue spill paper to mop up acetone, and a damp cloth in case of accidental ignition. Also pre-script a trauma counsellor to help him explore why it might have happened and to examine his attention seeking behaviours. This will assist any subsequent legal criticism.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 10:10

Threats to kill are a crime (with really specific parameters) threats to assault someone via a third party is NOT a crime. Therefore it would not be recorded

theblankslate · 07/02/2015 10:11

I'm really shocked by your friends' reaction, they sound pretty shit and I'd personally reconsider the friendship. No, threatening to burn your hair is not ok on any level. And I agree with a PP, his behaviour is extremely worrying - I'd avoid him completely, if your friends still want to socialise with him then more fool them.

tarashill · 07/02/2015 10:12

This is shocking, but the reaction of your friends saying "it's only hair" is unbelievable. I knew a woman once whose whole head went up in flames when she was getting ready for a night out. She'd used hairspray and then lit a cigarette,she was badly burned. This wasn't joking about, he was threatening a serious assault, I'd report him to the police just to get it on record.

HellKitty · 07/02/2015 10:14

Oh Jesus, Vinegar. Are you me?
Shock

I would also add 'it puts the lotion on or it gets the hose again'.

laughingmyarseoff · 07/02/2015 10:17

What a shitty person. Threatening someone, getting on you all night...your friends aren't friends to say that, they are at best immature sheep and are at worst, bullies too.

I'd report him on 101 just in case he tries again on you or someone else. I definitely wouldn't go out in a group with him again or go out with those 'friends' either.

I'd also go with Nomama's text.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2015 10:17

"everyone else said I was overreacting and that it's 'only hair'"

WTF? Hair is attached to the scalp, which is attached to the face where the eyes, mouth etc. are. And if you had used any hairspray, there's a good chance that this 'only hair' would have gone up in a fucking fireball Angry! YOU WERE/ARE NOT OVERREACTING!

LittleBairn · 07/02/2015 10:24

If I were you I would look for new friends the current lot sound like wankers.

Does this guy have problems with alcohol? I'm a non drinker and I've found that those with alcohol problems can get wound up with me not drinking, it just highlights to them that their need to drink to have fun is fucked up.

KatieKaye · 07/02/2015 10:30

Threatening to set someone on fire is definitely a serious threat as it would endanger a person's life, cause actual/grievous bodily harm and possibly lead to death.

I'm not sure why Maverick says that "threats to assault someone via a third party is NOT a crime" as there was no third party involved. The OP states the drunken prick "lit the lighter and held it up really close to my hair".

5dogsgoswimming · 07/02/2015 10:32

Don't see them again . You don't need that shit in your life

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 10:58

Yep but the threat to burn her hair was made to a third party.

The lighter close to her hair is not an offence

HSMMaCM · 07/02/2015 11:02

The verbal threat was made to a third party, but the physical threat was to OP.

Nomama · 07/02/2015 11:03

Maverick - he told others he would burn her hair, then held a lit lighter close to her head.

That is threatening behaviour. Your assertion that as he told a third party it doesn't count is odd.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 11:10

No such crime as "threatening behaviour" at a push may come under public order act. It absolutely wouldn't go anywhere though

DeeCayed · 07/02/2015 11:11

Have you seen how quick hair sets on fire?! Shock

So tell your thick head mates it's not "only hair" it's a fucking quick route to first degree burns! And the mates would be dropped!

DeeCayed · 07/02/2015 11:13

Sorry I meant third degree not first degree burns

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 11:15

Nomama, I was trying to explain how what happened wasn't assault

Aeroflotgirl · 07/02/2015 11:19

Yes I would report it to the Police, he lit it near your hair, what if that had ignited your hair. He was lucky it did not. No I would have nothing more to do with them, they are not your friends.

Eltonjohnsflorist · 07/02/2015 11:19

Tbh I think it's a reflection of where we are and why our public services are so over stretched that some posters are insisting calling the police is good advice. Not being able to sort out some drunken
Comments on your own without needing the police to do it for you is exhibiting an extreme over reliance on others to sort out day to day problems (and go to any British town on a Friday night and this sort of thing is happening hundreds of times)

The police do not just "record"
Things. They investigate crimes. You don't get to ask them
To record something "just in case"

Aeroflotgirl · 07/02/2015 11:23

I would talk to the police and see what they say, he lit the lighter very near op head, he was lucky it did not ignite. Op would have been on fire. I bet those 'friends' would have stood about laughing.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 11:23

A million likes to Eltons post

Swipe left for the next trending thread