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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dickhead threatening to burn my hair!!

312 replies

ClockworkAngel · 07/02/2015 04:34

I have just got in from an otherwise good night out. Rarely I have a child free night so I went out with a good friend for her birthday.
I was having a brilliant time but she had invited some friends of hers. All of them are lovely but one. I disliked him from the start. He kept criticising me. For instance he kept calling me boring because I wasn't drinking alcohol but kept on and on all night about it, telling me I needed to 'cheer up and smile' and 'get a few more drinks down and loosen up'. Really fucking annoying.
Towards the end of the night, waiting for taxis, I ended up talking to an old friend I happened to bump into and as my back was turned, this guy took a lighter out his pocket and threatened the others he would burn my hair. He lit the lighter and held it up really close to my hair.
I couldn't get over what this guy had done but everyone else said I was overreacting and that it's 'only hair'. But that isn' t the point is it? If he had threatened to burn my skin everyone would be up in arms but why is it any different because it's my hair?
Am I overreacting? It happened over and hour ago and I'm still thinking about it. Do I need to get a grip?
I think my problem is that I just cannot get over how fucking thick some people can be. Doesn't take a genius to work out that burning someone's hair or whatever is potentially dangerous.
TIA

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 07/02/2015 07:43

I think you can quite often get in a situation - I did in my teens / early 20s - when there's someone in the group who's quite rude to you but has sufficient social status (ie more than you, in your case probably because you're not out that much) that you are basically told to put up with it. In my case it was because all my friends fancied him but he was shorter than me and - well you can join the dots. Anyway. They won't challenge him, probably again in your case because of the bully / acolyte type of relationship he encourages.

If this friend is such a good one, tell him you don't want to hang out with him again as you don't get many nights out and he ruined that one for you (list why). If you were my friend I would be appalled - as I'm sure you would be if another friend were talking to you about it.

thenumberseven · 07/02/2015 07:49

You are NBU and no wonder you were still thinking about it an hour later. I'd be furious and creeped out.
Your friends saying you were over reacting is shocking and it's hard to believe they all think this, it seems they are either a little scared of him or don't want to get on the wrong side of him as some children do with bullies.
As a pp said it would even be bullying if he was taking a lighter to a scarf you weren't even wearing.
Throughout the evening it sounds like he was acting like an inept teenage boy when they have a crush on a girl and they don't know how to handle it.
The taking a lighter to your hair is shocking no matter how much he was joking. Could have ended badly.

I'd be having a word with the friend who brought him along.

PrettyLittleMitty · 07/02/2015 07:56

How old is the little prick? What an idiot.

MeeWhoo · 07/02/2015 07:58

I would be reporting him to 101, I think the guy is a dick and dangerous.

If you had been wearing a lot of hairspray he could have set your whole head alight!

MissDuke · 07/02/2015 08:03

I have to agree with previous posters, these people are not your friends. Even when we were out at age 17 etc none of my friends would have treated me like that, there really is no excuse :-(

Eltonjohnsflorist · 07/02/2015 08:16

He's a git- I would make sure I never saw him Again, moan to said friend and Think up brilliant put me downs/ violent acts I should've committed after the event.

Police would be a total overreaction and waste of their time though.

WD41 · 07/02/2015 08:29

I think I'd be inclined to report that to the police.

I would definitely be finding new friends.

samithesausage · 07/02/2015 08:39

YANBU. Hair is part of you. You have a right to go out with friends and not be interfered with.
Didn't someone get badly burned a while back because someone thought it would be funny to set fire to their mummy bandages?
If he'd of successfully set fire to your hair and you had to go to A and E, the staff would of called the police on him, and he'd of ended up with some serious charges thrown at him.

Mrsstarlord · 07/02/2015 08:45

How old is he? Sounds like the sort of fucking stupid thing a 15 year old lad (some not all) might do if he was pissed and trying to show off. It is bullying and I agree with other posters who say you need new friends. Although I think I would also be tempted to make it clear to your friend that you had a shit night that was ruined by this lad harassing you constantly and you won't be going out again.

ApocalypseThen · 07/02/2015 08:47

Police would be a total overreaction and waste of their time though.

How could making a report be an overreaction to someone threatening you with serious assault? And have no doubt about it, setting any part of someone alight would have very serious consequences and is a threat with a long and proud mysogynistic history.

scallopsrgreat · 07/02/2015 08:52

Wow this guy sounds like he has no concept of other people's boundaries (although I suspect when I say other people we are mainly talking about women here). Very sinister behaviour. And it will manifest itself in plenty of other ways too. Agree with others about reporting it to the police do they at least have a record of this guys behaviour. He will cross other women's boundaries.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 07/02/2015 08:52

I agree, the guy is a jerk and a bully and your friends were shit.

Let them have their hair set on fire if they think is no big deal.

Flumpf · 07/02/2015 08:53

Some one set fire to my hair once 'for a laugh'. I have ginger hair, so bullies would threaten it a lot. Thankfully nothing too bad happened, a few strands just frazzled up and the smell of burning hair was awful. Not cool.

awfulomission · 07/02/2015 08:55

He said he was going to burn her. He had out his lighter. She is upset, reasonably so. I'd report this nasty piece of work.

HellKitty · 07/02/2015 09:01

What a total dick. I'd avoid this birthday friend and her/his absolute arsehole friends in future. If birthday friend asks why then say. DP had a friend with a massive Afro that some twat set fire to - for a 'laugh'. Cunts.

I went on a night out a few years back and there was one guy who was all 'Colin Hunt'. He kept grabbing me (hard) pulling me around and trying to get me to dance despite me saying no. And I love dancing. In the end I whispered in his ear 'you fucking touch me again and I'll fucking break your fucking face'. He left me alone. I'm not saying you're in any way wrong but sometimes dickheads think 'no, I don't want a drink x, y or z' means you do really. I hate people like that. Oh, I never went out with them again, I'm sure he thinks I'm a psycho Grin

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 09:03

Why report to the police? What are people expecting them to do? Confused

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 07/02/2015 09:14

FFS what's wrong with all these bottom feeders saying 'why tell the police'. Do people not realise letting this sort of agressive and abusive behaviour slide allows these men to continue bullying and abusing?

diddl · 07/02/2015 09:19

Jesus what a bastard.

And your friends sound bloody awful as well.

I'm not a drinker & if this is what drinking to be fun makes you do, thank goodness!!

Thank goodness that you had no flammable hair product on!

iklboo · 07/02/2015 09:24

What a lunatic. And some friends! It's only hair? I'm sure they'd be happy to be set on fire 'for a laugh' then. You'd be well rid if you never saw them again.

LynetteScavo · 07/02/2015 09:33

I think he fancies you, and thought if you drank sons alcohol he'd be in with a chance, then when you started talking to someone else he got jealous. He probably really likes your hair which is why he wanted to burn it .

He sounds very scary and I wouldn't ever want to go on a night out with him again.

patienceisvirtuous · 07/02/2015 09:43

Fucking arsehole. Hope you're feeling better OP.

I would tell your 'friend' you won't be going out with him/her and their shitty friends again.

Haggisfish · 07/02/2015 09:47

The police will at least record it so if it is a pattern of behaviour it becomes more obvious.

ithoughtofitfirst · 07/02/2015 09:50

Can't stop thinking about this what a cunt. Glad you're ok OP.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 07/02/2015 09:52

That's a shitty bunch of 'friends' you've got there. "It's only hair"... WTF??

I'd be telling the 'good friend' Hmm that she is a twat who hangs around with a bunch of twats and I wouldn't be bothering with her again.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 09:56

People keep saying "why call the police" because he hasn't committed a crime!! Yes he's been an arsehole but that doesn't mean the police should get involved. The police would not "record" this either!!

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