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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dickhead threatening to burn my hair!!

312 replies

ClockworkAngel · 07/02/2015 04:34

I have just got in from an otherwise good night out. Rarely I have a child free night so I went out with a good friend for her birthday.
I was having a brilliant time but she had invited some friends of hers. All of them are lovely but one. I disliked him from the start. He kept criticising me. For instance he kept calling me boring because I wasn't drinking alcohol but kept on and on all night about it, telling me I needed to 'cheer up and smile' and 'get a few more drinks down and loosen up'. Really fucking annoying.
Towards the end of the night, waiting for taxis, I ended up talking to an old friend I happened to bump into and as my back was turned, this guy took a lighter out his pocket and threatened the others he would burn my hair. He lit the lighter and held it up really close to my hair.
I couldn't get over what this guy had done but everyone else said I was overreacting and that it's 'only hair'. But that isn' t the point is it? If he had threatened to burn my skin everyone would be up in arms but why is it any different because it's my hair?
Am I overreacting? It happened over and hour ago and I'm still thinking about it. Do I need to get a grip?
I think my problem is that I just cannot get over how fucking thick some people can be. Doesn't take a genius to work out that burning someone's hair or whatever is potentially dangerous.
TIA

OP posts:
MightyMightyToros · 07/02/2015 15:27

What about if it's my daughter? I'm out with my 7yo daughter on the high street and a man comes up and says I'm going to set her hair on fire and holds a lighter next to her head. Same response?

Isn't that different to the OP?

You're talking a stranger, someone who you have no idea of what they are capable of and have no idea about their state of mind or history.

MightyMightyToros · 07/02/2015 15:28

*talking about

stayathomegardener · 07/02/2015 15:28

Whilst I agree it is totally unacceptable behavior maybe he has no idea how flammable hair is even without hairspray.
I remember as a child lighting loose hairs and watching them burn,they catch really easily and shoot up the strand plus awful smell.
New friends definitely.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 15:29

What's her gender got to do with anything sardine? As I said, it would be the same if it was a man.

Do you believe everyone should report public order offences?

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:32

So Maverick the police officer says that threatening to set someone on fire and then holding a lighter at them should not be reported to the police.

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:33

I can tell you that if I was on a train and a passenger threatened to set another on fire and then got a lighter out and lit it at them, people would be calling the police.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 15:33

In the circumstances outlined in the op, yes. I'm saying that is pointless to report.

Do you think all public order offences should be recorded and the perpetrators out on a database sardine?

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:35

What's her gender got to do with anything?

Because sex related offences are predominantly committed against women and children by men.

I am surprised that working as a police officer you don't know that most sex offences follow that pattern.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 15:36

Yes you're absolutely correct. This was not a sex offence though. So again, what does her gender have to do with it?

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:38

I mean this:

"Do you think all public order offences should be recorded and the perpetrators out on a database sardine?"

You say this as if, in an ideal world, it would be ridiculous for the police to record all crimes reported to them.

And you're a copper.

WTF.

No wonder we have such problems with certain aspects of policing in the UK.

bettyboop1970 · 07/02/2015 15:39

YANBU hair burns really quickly, what a dickhead!

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 15:40

I think it would be ridiculous if every time someone swore and shouted in the street the police recorded it, yes.

Do you not? You cannot see how that would criminalize 75% + of the population?

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:41

So you think that a man threatening to set a woman's hair on fire is not a sex-based offence.

I'm a bit boggled.

You think that the way he was going on at her all night and the threat to burn all her hair off had nothing to do with the fact that she was a woman?

Bloody hell.

No wonder women and girls have such trouble with the police! That's just like total wilful disingenuity.

ApocalypseThen · 07/02/2015 15:42

This was not a sex offence though. So again, what does her gender have to do with it?

What, setting people alight/throwing acid in people's faces are gender neutral crimes?

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:44

So here we have an acting police officer who:

Has told someone not to report something to the police even if they want to
Has told someone that what happened was a very minor infraction of the law at worst and the police would not even bother recording it
Has told someone that they would be wasting police time
Has said that they don't see the sort of casual everyday stuff done to women by men as "sex based"

Well OK then.

I'm not that surprised TBH. Don't know if anyone else is.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 15:46

Yes apocalypse, under law they are. The offender/victims gender makes no odds. However that did not happen. It was a public order offence

Tanith · 07/02/2015 15:47

He sounds like he has the social skills of a gibbon and was trying to impress someone, maybe even you Shock

However, even my 5 year old knows you don't play with fire. His behaviour was nasty and could have had appalling consequences.
Absolutely report it to the police.

What do I expect them to do? Well, at the very least I expect them to log it so there's a record. Perhaps even a caution to scare the little toad. Probably it won't result in a prosecution, but that doesn't mean it's a waste of time reporting.

Oh, and change your idiot friends too, if they think this sort of thing is acceptable Hmm

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:48

Oh come now.

You must have noticed that there is a pattern in society of men perpetrating assaults of various types against women? Especially in your job.

Really, not?

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 15:49

Sardine, should all public order offences be recorded by the police? Should all offences (traffic included) be recorded by the police?

Do you not see how impossible that would be?

ApocalypseThen · 07/02/2015 15:50

Yes apocalypse, under law they are.

No wonder women can't name male violence against us if the law won't recognize what the crimes even are.

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:50

I am perplexed that any human being, on hearing a story about a man badgering a woman all night and then threatening to set her hair on fire, would maintain with a straight face that "her sex had nothing to do with it" Grin

onthematleavecountdown · 07/02/2015 15:51

Even though he didn't do it, his disregard for saftey and the threat of doing it I think warrants reporting.

Mavericklovesgoose · 07/02/2015 15:51

Sardine, I am not denying that. Almost all domestic violence (perhaps with the exception of siblings and child on parent) is perpetrated by men.

That still does not change what was reported in the op

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:53

I already answered your question:

""Do you think all public order offences should be recorded and the perpetrators out on a database sardine?"

You say this as if, in an ideal world, it would be ridiculous for the police to record all crimes reported to them. And you're a copper. WTF. "

To clarify, I am mainly concerned with the level of sex based offences (look it up as you don't know what that means) and the fact that serial offenders have been left to continue unchecked for years due to the police telling victims to piss off.

I don't think this problem is going to be rectified any time soon, somehow...

SardineQueen · 07/02/2015 15:54

Apocalypse I know!

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