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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say no actually she can't come!

246 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 06/02/2015 14:03

My DD is lucky enough to live on a nice little street with two other girls of the same age who are also in her class.

Nice she has friends to play with at weekends ect.But for the last 3/4 months ect is been so hard not upsetting any of the girls or their mums. I'm getting a bit tired of always making sure nobody is left out.

In December I took one of the girls lets call her Olivia to the cinema to watch Paddington along with my DD.It was a bit of a treat and the other girl,lets call her Fern was going to see it that afternoon anyway with her cousin. So I offered to take Olivia as I knew she'd be on her own all day as her own mum doesn't do anything with them at weekends.( not meaning to sound like a cow) but by her own admission can't be arsed taking her kids anywhere as she'd rather chill in her PJs.

All good only Fern saw us leave and came running out saying are you playing out? Er no we are on our way out sorry love but they'll be around later. Ok she said and ran back home.

That night I got a text saying hope you enjoyed the film I thought I was really good pity we couldn't have all gone together as Fern was upset she only had her cousin for company.I replied oh right well I knew you'd made plans and I didn't want to interfere.

About 3 times since then my DD has called for each of them and been told they've gone to McDonalds/ the park/ to walk the dog together so she's come back home and I've said nevermind we were out when they left or perhaps they wanted to go alone. She hasn't batted an eyelid as sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Olivia goes to her dads every Sunday at 12:30 without fail. DP said last night seeing as its so dry and sunny lets take DD to the farm on Sunday we can get some eggs and she can see the animals ect, then go for a drink at the pub on the way back.

So I said DD could pick a friend .Olivia's at her dads on Sunday so she won't be on her own she'll have something to do so ill ask Fern if she's free.

Ok yeah fine. So it's arranged but I've had a text off Olivia's mum half an hour ago saying just picked Olivia up from school to go dentist and she's in the car crying as your DD and Fern were talking about going out on Sunday and she's overheard, she's kicking off in the car saying she's not going to her dads and I can't force her to go so would you mind if she tags along with you?

I'm gobsmacked...I feel like I can't say no but why is there constant pandering? I'd say no sorry love can't let your dad down its the only dad he sees you. We can go there next week.

There's room in the car but it's the expense of taking another one and also the fact she's not really been invited.

Sorry it's long didn't want to drip feed.

They are 9 by the way not toddlers.

Just feel a bit resentful we can never just go out without considering what these other two are up to and if we are going to offend anyone.

OP posts:
Everythingwillbeok · 07/02/2015 16:47

I feel like a mug.

But the kid is 9 and a good friend of my DD.

I'm angry her mum, she's said lets go and see everything and find out the plans for tomorrow.

Then when I said erm no I told you she couldn't come it must have been a shock to Olivia as she was all geared up and looking forward to it.

Shit this is so much hassle.

I actually think ill cancel it but then it's not bloody fair on Fern argh!!

OP posts:
bettyboop1970 · 07/02/2015 16:49

Crickey, the cheek of that woman! Olivia needs to learn she can't get what she wants all the time. Her mum is making a rod for her own back!

Chippednailvarnish · 07/02/2015 16:49

You're sounding like a doormat now OP.

Everythingwillbeok · 07/02/2015 16:50

And no I don't love the drama far from it.

Don't you think if I went back on saying she could tag along now it would spectacularly kick off.

And be a massive drama probably that will end up in us all falling out and make for a really awful summer?

OP posts:
NorwaySpruce · 07/02/2015 16:51

Grow up.

If you seriously spend time with people who behave like this, you must move in very peculiar circles.

9 year olds might do this, it's your job as an adult to show them why it's wrong.

Assuming you're not making it up to string the thread out a bit Hmm

HollyJollyDillydolly · 07/02/2015 16:51

She sounds a right cheeky cow Shock

UmizoomiThis · 07/02/2015 16:52

God yes cancel and punish your daughter for your inability to assert yourself with a 9 year old child.

Mynewnamenotyours · 07/02/2015 16:52

How awkward and really unfair of her to put you in that position. Even if she hadn't received the text, you still hadn't said that she could go.

Really cheeky. I would be tempted to mention that she put you in a really awkward position which you found unfair.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 07/02/2015 16:52
Confused

If the mother wanted to give in to her little Princess so badly, surely it was down to her to take her to the attraction herself.

We live within sight of several of DS1's friends/ classmates and a classmate of DD'S whose mother is pushy and made not inviting her DD to my DD'S birthday party awkward in the past (they have never really been friends but are the same age and her DD is quite hard work) ... I did invite her a couple of times but hardened up by the time birthday treats became outings and sleepovers not just cake and balloons.

I have never come across this level of drama, or anything more than heavy hints.

You have to say no, if this is real.

Verrucca Salt's mummay be asking MN HQ to pull the thread as she is too identifiable. ..

rookiemere · 07/02/2015 16:54

Look just do it, it's done now, try not to stew on it, your DD will have a nice time. I would try to get some money out of Olivias horrible manipulative mother, at least that way you're not out of pocket.

But do it, forget about it and encourage your DD to make friends from school that have adult parents. I know it's a pest when there are playmates next door, but frankly Olivia's DM sounds unhinged. If you know Olivias DF could you say something to him - otherwise you'll be painted as the one who dragged her away from her time with her DF.

ssd · 07/02/2015 16:57

"I actually think 'i'll cancel it but then it's not bloody fair on Fern argh!!!"
but Fern is the other one and not your dd isnt she?

you need to stop worrying about the other girls and their mums, their mums do sod all for your kid whilst you tie yourself in a knot pleasing them

think about it op

Everythingwillbeok · 07/02/2015 16:58

NorwaySpruce you must mix in some very weird circles yourself if you think I'd spend time on a Saturday afternoon making a situation up that's just happened in my living room!

Why on earth would I drag the thread out?! Im happy that people have given me advice and bothered to answer at all.

Stop posting if you doubt my story

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 07/02/2015 16:59

Talk about making a drama out of a non existent crisis.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/02/2015 16:59

you need to stop worrying about the other girls and their mums, their mums do sod all for your kid whilst you tie yourself in a knot pleasing them

^^ this with big fucking bells on it.

MrsHathaway · 07/02/2015 17:00

Two texts.

Fern's mum - Slight change of plan, we need to leave at . See you then.

Olivia's mum - That was incredibly rude. You know very well Olivia wasn't invited - just as DD isn't always invited, and Fern isn't always invited. You were the one who upset her, not me.

I'd have been fucking furious, but fortunately for me fury leads to pass-agg sarcasm and Olivia's mum would have been in no doubt.

Everythingwillbeok · 07/02/2015 17:01

Thanks everyone for advice, ill go ahead with day tomorrow but try and invite someone from school, cousin ect, if we have a day out over Easter or anything will be much easier.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/02/2015 17:05

At least get some money off her, let her know you are very pissed off with her behaviour.

Put her on your shit list and never forget how she has treated you.

DeliciousMonster · 07/02/2015 17:05

So of course I had to say its fine she can come.

No you didn't. You say 'Never mind Olivia. Maybe another day'.

Seriouslyffs · 07/02/2015 17:09

Send a text saying sorry- I'm not happy about letting my daughter take the tram home so I'm going to have to go back to the original plan.
Then give your head a wobble and don't be such a doormat.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/02/2015 17:10

Don't be such a mug!

NorwaySpruce · 07/02/2015 17:10

Oh yes, OP, I'm the weird one Grin

Most people encountering the situation you describe would see the other parents as manipulative freeloaders, and refuse to subsidise their days out.

A breezy, 'not this time, sorry!' will do it.

spectacularly kick off !?

Why would you spend time with someone with the emotional maturity of a seven year old?

You should be steering your child away from people like that, or teaching her how to deal with them - not pandering to them.

Do you and your neighbours not ever interact with one another like adults?

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 07/02/2015 17:11

Honestly the brass neck of some people! Shock

place marks for update tomorrow when mumzilla makes you late

StackladysMorphicResonator · 07/02/2015 17:16

You are a being a mug and a doormat. That is all.

Whereisegg · 07/02/2015 17:19

You need to say something to her mum.

I'd rather have a summer holiday with someone possibly giving me occasional evils than a summer of ferrying around 3 children every time you want to go anywhere.

LIZS · 07/02/2015 17:22

How rude and manipulative . Angry If the mum wants tomorrow afternoon off she should make Olivia go to her dad's not send her with you. Agree with the follow u texts below although I think you should speak to Olivia's mum. She is no friend , avoid in future .