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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say no actually she can't come!

246 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 06/02/2015 14:03

My DD is lucky enough to live on a nice little street with two other girls of the same age who are also in her class.

Nice she has friends to play with at weekends ect.But for the last 3/4 months ect is been so hard not upsetting any of the girls or their mums. I'm getting a bit tired of always making sure nobody is left out.

In December I took one of the girls lets call her Olivia to the cinema to watch Paddington along with my DD.It was a bit of a treat and the other girl,lets call her Fern was going to see it that afternoon anyway with her cousin. So I offered to take Olivia as I knew she'd be on her own all day as her own mum doesn't do anything with them at weekends.( not meaning to sound like a cow) but by her own admission can't be arsed taking her kids anywhere as she'd rather chill in her PJs.

All good only Fern saw us leave and came running out saying are you playing out? Er no we are on our way out sorry love but they'll be around later. Ok she said and ran back home.

That night I got a text saying hope you enjoyed the film I thought I was really good pity we couldn't have all gone together as Fern was upset she only had her cousin for company.I replied oh right well I knew you'd made plans and I didn't want to interfere.

About 3 times since then my DD has called for each of them and been told they've gone to McDonalds/ the park/ to walk the dog together so she's come back home and I've said nevermind we were out when they left or perhaps they wanted to go alone. She hasn't batted an eyelid as sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Olivia goes to her dads every Sunday at 12:30 without fail. DP said last night seeing as its so dry and sunny lets take DD to the farm on Sunday we can get some eggs and she can see the animals ect, then go for a drink at the pub on the way back.

So I said DD could pick a friend .Olivia's at her dads on Sunday so she won't be on her own she'll have something to do so ill ask Fern if she's free.

Ok yeah fine. So it's arranged but I've had a text off Olivia's mum half an hour ago saying just picked Olivia up from school to go dentist and she's in the car crying as your DD and Fern were talking about going out on Sunday and she's overheard, she's kicking off in the car saying she's not going to her dads and I can't force her to go so would you mind if she tags along with you?

I'm gobsmacked...I feel like I can't say no but why is there constant pandering? I'd say no sorry love can't let your dad down its the only dad he sees you. We can go there next week.

There's room in the car but it's the expense of taking another one and also the fact she's not really been invited.

Sorry it's long didn't want to drip feed.

They are 9 by the way not toddlers.

Just feel a bit resentful we can never just go out without considering what these other two are up to and if we are going to offend anyone.

OP posts:
TrendStopper · 06/02/2015 23:41

Girls can't seem to play in threes. Every time my dd and two other neighbour hood girls were together my dd would always come back upset because one of the other girls always left her out. My dd played well with both girls individually but as soon as they were all together there were always problems.

OP if the texting is going to continue I would stop taking the girls anywhere. I know it might seem unfair on your dd but do you and her really need the hassle.

TrendStopper · 06/02/2015 23:42

Oh and I would watch out for Olivia and her mum when u are leaving because she might try and catch u off guard.

ToffeeCaramel · 06/02/2015 23:43

Bet she looks out the window when you get back to see if your other dd is really there and you get another text! Grin

Everythingwillbeok · 07/02/2015 00:15

Yes ToffeeCaramel I think she'll do that too. God there no hiding place when she's 6 houses up the street.

OP posts:
musicalendorphins2 · 07/02/2015 08:28

Well then, if she is nervy enough to mention seeing you arrive home, just say your other dd didn't need picking up after all! :)

LindyHemming · 07/02/2015 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coconutty · 07/02/2015 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MojaveWanderer123 · 07/02/2015 09:28

If you think it's bad now imagine what it'll be like when they are teenagers Shock
Probably best to try and distance yourself now and not make plans with the girls over the weekend anymore.
The nerve of the girls parents though is just astounding. Someone clearly didn't want their free day messed up did they when dad was no longer wanted. She should have never text you to ask as it's not your responsibility and was incredibly rude. Hope you have a great day regardless.

QuintlessShadows · 07/02/2015 09:35

I have seen fluffy little cats and pigs in teacups. So I know they exist. Google if you are not sure. But I have never seen a dinosaur. So who knows.....

QuintlessShadows · 07/02/2015 09:37
Confused ERm. How did I end up in this parallel universe?
Whereisegg · 07/02/2015 10:23

I think that message may come back to bite you tbh.
It leaves her thinking you would happily take her if you didn't need a seat for dd1 and leaves her the option to offer to collect her dd.

I totally sympathise that it's hard to send a text saying "no she can't come and you're bloody rude for asking" though.

QuintlessShadows · 07/02/2015 12:27

I agree with whereis

ToffeeCaramel · 07/02/2015 13:55

If cheeky mum does start trying to exploit loopholes, op can revert to "that doesn't work for me."

nemo81 · 07/02/2015 16:24

Sod all that, i wouldn't have time for all that drama. I wouldn't take any of them out again!Grin

Everythingwillbeok · 07/02/2015 16:34

Oh my fucking god.

Olivia and her mum have just called, saying what time do you want her tomorrow? Does she's need any money? Should she wear wellies? What time will be looking at arriving back? !!!

Olivia and my DD sat awkwardly while I felt like I'd been played like a fool.

I said I text you last night about half nine explaining about tomorrow?

Oh did you well nothing's come through.Fucking lying bitch.

Sorry I'm mad.....she's acted totally dumb and now in front of Olivia I had to say about there not being room in the car ect.

Olivia flung herself on her mums knee and starts crying.

I've never felt like such a bitch.

So of course I had to say its fine she can come. My eldest DD will have to get the tram home.

They've left but my face is fucking burning.You know when you're angry.

She did this on purpose as she knew Olivia wouldn't take it well and I'd be backed into a corner so super brat wasn't left out.

God knows what she's telling Olivia's dad why she can't go.

God if it wasn't for disappointing my own DD I'd cancel it saying I had a migrane.

OP posts:
AmarettoSour · 07/02/2015 16:37

The other mum has a cheek but she now thinks you have mug stamped across your forehead! You shouldn't have given in IMO

NorwaySpruce · 07/02/2015 16:38

Wow, fabulous example you're setting your daughter there OP.

There is nothing at all to stop you phoning her now and telling her you're reverting to the original arrangement.

Except perhaps a love of the drama.

UmizoomiThis · 07/02/2015 16:38

Why on earth are you letting a little girl dictate to you? What the hell kind of an example is that setting for your own daughter? Let her throw a tantrum and walk away. Maybe that will teach her mother not to engineer these situations.

Stealthpolarbear · 07/02/2015 16:38

Wow

QuintlessShadows · 07/02/2015 16:39

Mug.

ssd · 07/02/2015 16:43

I wish I had a free babysitter 6 doors up

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/02/2015 16:43

I would phone her and tell her that on reflection you feel unable to expect your dd to get a tram and Olivia can't come.

Don't text,phone and tell her. I would be furious and whilst I understand you felt backed into a corner I'd not take that child before hell froze over.

rookiemere · 07/02/2015 16:45

I find it hard to believe that a grown up could act like this. I mean her,btw.

Look you've been played for a fool, no more outings with these girls.

Now at the least text her and say it will cost £X for the farm, lunch and for the tram fare home for your other DD. Oh and ask her to confirm that she has received the text by replying and if she doesn't then phone her and let her know.

QuintlessShadows · 07/02/2015 16:47

If she is playing such a dirty trick on you, I suggest you play dirty too. Leave half an earlier than planned.

theendoftheendoftheend · 07/02/2015 16:47

I wouldn't take a kid anywhere under threat it would have a tantrum otherwise. Especially not someone elses! And what about the poor dad.

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