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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
Evelight · 05/02/2015 19:24

^This.

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 19:24

I do bush there was a bit more understanding of how difficult, how awkward and how torn you can be if you are a working parent on a low income.

In my professional life as a teacher, if I needed time off for an ill child it was granted, albeit sometimes with a snooty comment. If I needed time off for illness, it was paid. It was a fixed working day (not shifts) and I had a union I could ask for support.

I'm using that as it's my experience but come on - really - do you need that much imagination to know that if you work on low pay, you often don't get paid for illness and sick children? Can you really not appreciate that if you're in a zero hours contract and turn down some hours one week you run the risk of getting next to none the week after, or awkward ones and shifts no one wants? Have you honestly never experienced a horrible boss shouting at you or saying you CAN'T do something?

It's so easy to piously insist none of that matters, your child comes first. Well, great - that's probably why you need to keep that job to pay your mortgage and pay for the school trip and shoes and maybe even have a holiday. The fact that once in a blue moon your child is ill can't cost you any of that.

I'm going to hold my hands up now and say that even as a SAHM I find being solely responsible for a seven year old and a baby relentless. Don't know how people with smaller age gaps do it. I am probably crap! Working as well would spend me spinning into a panic.

It's a bloody tough life and someone who does it is not, I can guarantee, thinking 'ach, never mind little johnny, he will be OK'. They are probably miserable as well.

Is it not maybe the fault of our nation that has pushed housing prices up so far that two parents almost have to work? Is it not something to do with lone parents having to work when their children start school? Isn't it also to do with lack of employment rights and security and legislation?

No, no, no. All - ALL - upon the mother.

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 19:26

Wish, not bush!

McFox · 05/02/2015 19:27

Not a good idea to have both parents in jobs that can't be left in an emergency - seriously?!!

Mothers of the world, once you have procreated it is your duty to give up your hard won career in order to be available, should it be requested, at the drop of a hat (or at least within 30 minutes).

Ffs this thread is churning out some sanctimonious bullshit.

Evelight · 05/02/2015 19:27

@26point- But the conduct of the parents, as parents, was far worse than that of OP. How can they accuse OP of unprofessionalism, (assuming that after a busy day at the hospital, found this threard, read it and fell into an enormous rage) when they provoked this unprofessionalism by their uncaring attitude towards their own child?

TheRealMaryMillington · 05/02/2015 19:28

Poor kid, but poor parents too. Also, it is worth noting that schools have all gone INSANE lately about attendance, and if he'd been kept off would no doubt be badgering the parents for his return.

Viz all the threads on here saying the school says bring them in and we'll send them home if they are sick.

Baddz · 05/02/2015 19:29

I feel really strongly about this.
My mother worked and we didn't have a phone (yes, I am that old! :))
Sadly, I got glandular fever. Before I was dx I was sent into school a 25 minute bus ride away.
I was older than this child but I can tell you that lying alone in a room all day with not a single person coming to check on me or even offering me a drink wasn't fun.
I was delirious at one point and a member of staff found me wandering around the corridors. I think I may have even wet myself :(
I sure as hell was never going to do that to my child.

ihategeorgeosborne · 05/02/2015 19:29

If the child was so ill that the school had to ring the parents before 9.30, then he clearly shouldn't have been there in the first place. If both parents work in the health profession, it must have been obvious to them that he was not fit to be at school. IMO, it is inexcusable to wait until the normal school pick up time to collect him just because it inconveniences your job. School is not a childminding service for sick children.

MiaowTheCat · 05/02/2015 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 19:30

I was that child too badzz and haven't done it to my children because I had the choice not to.

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 19:31

Still waiting to hear what schools are supposed to do with these ill children whose parents' jobs are too important to collect them.

There are no spare teachers. There is nowhere, these days, for an ill child to be. What are the schools supposed to do?

Ill children cannot be left unsupervised which means that some other children are not doing their normal lessons because a teacher/TA has to be diverted to look after an ill child.

Purplepoodle · 05/02/2015 19:35

It's disgusting the child's parents have done this. My child's own school actually offered to pay for a taxi for me to collect my son when he was ill as I was a good hours walk away at the time.

I think I'd be telling the parents social services will be called in they kept refusing to pick up

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2015 19:37

Oh God Baddz, that brings back horrible memories :(

naty1 · 05/02/2015 19:40

Maybe... Umm bring back sick bays/rooms and a nurse. Certainly my school had that as a child.
A bit shortsighted to remove them when the schools are now expanding and surely spreading more germs around. Especially if they are now pushing children to attend.

Baddz · 05/02/2015 19:40

Sorry buzzard :(
My brother was sent into school with an undx broken collarbone, so maybe I got off lightly?
The irony is my mum would be the first one condemning these parents!
Go figure.

MMcanny · 05/02/2015 19:42

I thought this was going to be about my kid, he was whimpering this morning about not wanting to go and I sent him anyway. We both had to work. But in my defence, he was off four days last week, one day earlier this month and two days in November. I can't keep him home all the time and am starting to think he's 'at it' but if there was a serious issue am sure someone would let me know, I was more worried I'd have the attendance officer round if my sickly boy didn't go in today. It then transpires he told the teacher that I SAID he shouldn't do any writing today and it appears she believed him!!! I'm SO going to get 'the look' at parents' night!

ihategeorgeosborne · 05/02/2015 19:43

I haven't heard of schools pushing children to attend even if they're ill. I know at my dc's school, they really feel strongly about the D & V 48 hours rule. They would definitely prefer your child to stay off if ill. Maybe during SATS week they might be more lenient Grin

jazzandh · 05/02/2015 19:44

Well some schools seem to want the children at school but dosed up with medicine to keep them going, so that their ofsted stats don't fall too low. (Thread along these lines last week).

Perhaps the boy had too many sick days last term and the parents had been warned already - so thought - "we'll just leave him for the school to deal with...."

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 19:45

Schools are for education, not childcare. Do you know how much it would cost to run sick bays?

Not the schools' job to look after ill children. That's what parents are for, and they need to step up when a child is ill.

GoooRooo · 05/02/2015 19:49

30 minute pick up is RIDICULOUS. My commute is three hours. There's no way I'd be able to get back in 30 minutes. I agree with WD41 - we don't know the parents' side of the story.

And I am another poster who takes umbrage for the 'mum' being the only parent singled out in this scenario.

ocelot41 · 05/02/2015 19:52

Stupid question: when did sick bays and a school nurse get axed? Why? It seems really cruel to not have anywhere for a poorly child to lie down whilst waiting to be collected. That hour or so must feel very long!

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 19:54

Many (not all) schools do have a first aid room with a bed or couch; I used to go in my old schools a LOT when pregnant and throwing up with Dc1.

tiggytape · 05/02/2015 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeruvianFoodLover · 05/02/2015 19:55

Assuming for one moment that schools "report" circumstances like this to SocServ as a Safeguarding issue, exactly what would SS do?

They certainly wouldn't come and remove the child from school there and then and place them in a more suitable environment. Or instruct the parents to walk out of work (assuming of course, they are contactable - I imagine a theatre nurse or similar could be unable to answer their phone for several hours?)

Soc serv may open a case and investigate, if the parents are repeat offenders or there are other concerns regarding the family. But unfortunately, other than school staff getting on with the job of caring for the DC as well as possible, and tutting about the parents, what can actually be done?

ihategeorgeosborne · 05/02/2015 20:05

Just looking at it from the child's perspective, I know when I felt really ill as a child, all I wanted was to be at home, tucked up in my bed, with my mum popping in to deliver cold compresses, take temperature, give me sips of water, etc. I really did not want to be at school Sad