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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
Bluepants · 05/02/2015 18:03

Aridane the op is anonymous herself and the parent/child is completely anonymous - the op may have changed ages/genders for privacy!

Primaryteach87 · 05/02/2015 18:06

It's totally unidentifiable, no issues about posting (incidentally I take a dim view of people thinking the problem here is the post, not the sick child).
We had similar issues and ended up have BG to have a policy of 3 emergency contacts and being quite firm, because as much as you try (and of course you do) schools aren't the ideal place to be when you're ill. Practically (if you're not in charge of the policy), next time you attempt to send him home ill, intercept him at drop-off the next day and, if he still looks too unwell, firmly suggest mum/dad takes him home again.

OwlBeGoing · 05/02/2015 18:06

If I were the OP I'd have a dim view of the parents disregard for the wellbeing of their child Aridane

McFox · 05/02/2015 18:08

I totally understand that it's totally out of order, and no they shouldn't have sent him, but those of you saying that they need to add another emergency contact to the list are making it sound so easy. What if they have no family etc nearby? We'd be in a difficult position because we are miles away from family and my husband works hours away from where we live. This couple might be in a similar position.

CMOTDibbler · 05/02/2015 18:10
OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 05/02/2015 18:10

Should you be posting this...? I know it's anonymous but surely this isn't in the spirit of confidentiality.

JustCallMeBridget · 05/02/2015 18:18

Oh for goodness sake! It's totally anonymous. There were probably dozens of identical scenarios up and down the country today.

It's appalling behaviour to leave your sick child at school. It's unfair on the school, the staff but most of all the poor child. Personally speaking if my child was ill at school then wild horses couldn't keep me from collecting them. But I'm lucky - I work freelance and from home.
How parents can do this in all conscience I don't know.

FourAndDone · 05/02/2015 18:19

School call me for all sorts.
Ds had a nose bleed the other day. TA called to let me know, I always ask 'would you like me to collect him'?
Obviously they didn't for that particular matter.Grin
What parent could leave their ill child at school!Hmm

FourAndDone · 05/02/2015 18:20

Totally agree justcall.
That awful panicky feeling you get when you look at caller id 'school'
Aargh!Grin

DoraGora · 05/02/2015 18:23

Not being able to spring into action to pick a child up in the middle of the day, I understand. But, sending an obviously sick child to school makes no sense to me. I also can't understand why the school would accept an obviously sick child.

WD41 · 05/02/2015 18:28

I'd be interested in what's going on the other side though. Parents on final warnings for time off work etc...in work feeling like the worst parents in the world for sending child to school but feeling like there's no alternative if they want to keep their job, no family to provide childcare...

Obviously this may not be the case and they might just be a pair of shits, not sure I'd be so quick to call neglect though without knowing the circumstances.

FourAndDone · 05/02/2015 18:28

But Dora, there should always be someone to 'spring into action' to collect an ill child. A child's welfare is more important than a job.Smile

rollonthesummer · 05/02/2015 18:29

I also can't understand why the school would accept an obviously sick child.

They are posted through the classroom door or left in the playground. By the time the teacher has had a good look at them, the parent who dropped them off is long gone!

Original poster
Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 18:32

Hi. I'm the OP

I really think this is anonymous. Please tell me if you can guess who I am?!!!

There are 2 emergency contacts, both friends/other mothers at the school. Neither emergency contact was prepared to pick up the child because they were ill. They didn't want to risk their own child catching whatever it was the ill child had.

It has made the school realise that emergency contacts need to be reviewed. We are considering sending a Parent Mail out saying that emergency contacts need to be able to pick up a sick child within 30 mins..

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 18:32

That is bad. The hT has to have a meeting with his parents, this is not acceptable. I have flu at the moment and all I want to be is in bed, not in a classroom. As well as spreading germs.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 05/02/2015 18:33

I live 5000 miles away from family. I have friends listed as contacts in case they can't get hold of me.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 18:34

Exactly both parents can alternate, or taken unpaid leave. You have a responsibility to your child first and foremost.

NerrSnerr · 05/02/2015 18:37

I agree, it's really poor form but I don't think it's fair to be more upset with the mum than the dad!

ihategeorgeosborne · 05/02/2015 18:38

If I were the parents, I would take a dim view of you posting this online,

Why? Their child is clearly very ill. They should get there arse down there pronto and take them home.

m0therofdragons · 05/02/2015 18:39

School needs to get tough. Your child needs to be collected within the hour or ss will be contacted. Work comes second.it's bloody hard juggling sometimes but that's life!

FreeWee · 05/02/2015 18:40

Emergency contacts unwilling to pick up the child because he was ill? Errr under what other likely circumstances would an emergency contact be needed/used?

McFox · 05/02/2015 18:41

Pick up within 30 minutes?! Now that's ridiculous.

Original poster
Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 18:42

OP here:

But should friends with children be expected to pick up other ill children? This is the issue at our school. They will pick up in an emergency because the school is closed or there has been an accident etc. However, a catching illness... they are not prepared to do it.

What is deemed an emergency?

I happen to know that both parents work in health care. Mother is a nurse and the dad is something else in health care... don't know what.

OP posts:
SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 05/02/2015 18:44

I don't think 30 minutes is a realistic time frame, both DH and I work in the nearest major city which is about 40 mins away in reasonable traffic. That's without the fanny of trying to extricate ourselves from work and get back to the car ( parked a bus ride away in my case) even if I put the wheels in motion as soon as the phone was put down it is highly likely I wouldn't even get back to my car within 30 minutes never mind be ready at the school to collect my child.

EvilTendency1 · 05/02/2015 18:45

^^That

DH works closer to the school and has more flexibility being SE, it would take me 45 - 60 mins to get there if I had to collect a sick child. But I would ALWAYS go, I don't care if I miss a days pay (fortunately I have a good employer and we are allowed 5 days parental emergency leave).
I've heard of parents refusing to collect children for truely pathetic reasons.

Poor boy, I hope he stays home tmw and has a chance to have a rest and recover.

We are one those families that cannot list anyone other than DH or myself as emergency contacts, no GP near by or family and all friends work FT. But we always make sure one parent is within a 30 min pick up time if needed. If DH is working in a city further afield then I take a days AL or work from home, just in case.