To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

[Yesitismeagain]

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

Parents do get stuck between a rock and a hard place - but that doesn't change the fact that it is their responsibility. These situations come up time and time again because parents do not plan for and take reasonable steps to rectify how they are going to deal with situations like this in advance. So for example, if you have a difficult employer - these things are a known problem. So you have a choice of trying to negotiate with your employer, find different employment or try to organize cover from family who do have more flexibility.

People who are able to negotiate with their employer, find a more child friendly job or have family cover aren't stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm talking about the people who don't have those benefits. I have sympathy for them and I don't think it is helpful or understanding just to state that it is the parent's responsibility and that is that.

^ I agree to an extent but I think government should do much more to ensure this doesn't happen. The reality is, however good your official childcare, there are times when a parent is needed. So looking (particularly in the south East) at the really high cost of living and valuing (and making financially viable) a shorter workweek BG hours culture is needed.

Probably going to out myself now and need to name change, but I went away from the thread yesterday when another poster started going on about some parents feeling alleviated by a child being in hospital due to the child being fed and warm whilst there and other posters arguing about the irrelevance of the possibility that an unwell child being left at school for long periods could cause problems for immunocompromised children due to incubation periods etc.

I went away because I got quite annoyed. 3 children from my child's school died last year (deaths unrelated to each other) and a couple of children were seriously ill in hospital a few weeks ago with viruses. This is a special needs school where a significant or portion of children have compromised immune systems and life limiting conditions. The school does have a sick room with a full time nurse and 2 nursing assistants. I don't think anybody was to blame for those children having viruses, they could have been picked up anywhere. However, it does highlight how vulnerable some children are and how selfish it is to knowingly leave a child who is unwell in a school full of other children. Obviously in a mainstream school there are much less children who have significant health problems but even if one child in a school is immunocompromised then it is unjustifiable to leave your child who is unwell at that school even if your job is at risk by leaving early to collect your child.

Whose responsibility is it then, marynary?

it is unjustifiable to leave your child who is unwell at that school even if your job is at risk by leaving early to collect your child.

Where does the responsibity lie for educating, and penalising, those parents who don't know/understand or agree with that?

Can ignorance/poor education be described as unjustifiable?

Or is it the well-educated parents who just disagree with the principle that are the "worst" offenders?

Marynary - they may not have those benefits in their current job. Their choice of job IS their choice. They are not helpless. I have had to move so many times to get a job after redundancy, with little to no money to my name, and with high level of debt. My choice of job and it's benefits are my choice.

Sending an ill child to school is a choice. Choosing not to use holiday/emergency/unpaid leave is a choice.

Regardless of sympathy - sending that child to school is not in the child's best interests and should not be an option either.

Marynary - they may not have those benefits in their current job. Their choice of job IS their choice. They are not helpless. I have had to move so many times to get a job after redundancy, with little to no money to my name, and with high level of debt. My choice of job and it's benefits are my choice.

How much choice you have probably depends on where you live and your qualifications and work experience. Just because you have choices it doesn't mean it is the same for everyone. I think that choice is very limited for some people particularly those on the workfare scheme for example. I think you have little understanding of how life is for some people.

Yy Mary - and if the job centre thinks you can work within a 90 min radius, what's the point of saying that's someone's "choice"?

Marynary What happens if their child got hit by a car on their lunch hour, would they not be able to get out of work then? After all, it is an emergency childcare situation? Additionally, these people you speak of have no family, friends or emergency contacts to speak of? What happens if their child needed hospitalization - how would they cope then? Would they walk out of work or would they put their job before their kids, again?

Regardless of how hard the financial situation gets, their number 1 responsibility is to their CHILD not their employer. If that means they need to get legal advice from CAB, engage social services or community support, get another job or go on benefits then so be it. But dumping their kids off to school should not be an option and it is the parents responsibility to find a solution to it using the support services available, not burying their heads in the sand until an emergency situation comes up. Every parent should have an child sickness plan - it shouldn't be a surprise that one day their son or daughter has flu and can't make it to school.

Can ignorance/poor education be described as unjustifiable?

No, because even somebody with basic parenting skills should be capable of understanding that children who are unwell should not be taken to school and then left there on the floor for five hours after the school has made contact asking you to collect them. If a parent isn't capable of understanding that and prioritising getting that child home to bed then perhaps they are not capable of being parents to their children and their children shouldn't be in their care.

"Every parent should have an child sickness plan - it shouldn't be a surprise that one day their son or daughter has flu and can't make it to school."

Any such plan would, for many people, be a changing patchwork with holes in it. If it relies on grandparents, say - well, what if child is sick the week they are on holiday or that they've got ill themselves?

If child hit by car - easier to find an emergency contact until you can make it than if child has contagious disease.

Every parent should have an child sickness plan - it shouldn't be a surprise that one day their son or daughter has flu and can't make it to school.

Who tells parents this?

They're sent to interviews by the job centre at places that are a half hour bus and then an hours train ride away, and those trains only run every two hours.
They're told they're not permitted mobile phones on the shop floor, they're told that there are plenty of others who want their job, they're told that their employer never wanted to employ a women with children anyway.

but who explains to parents that despite all that, the school - who they trust, and where they send their DC every day - won't look after their DC if they fall ill, and they have to be prepared to walk out of their job and get back within a specific time limit if they get the call?

It's got nothing to do with trusting the school. You send your kids there to be educated by teachers, not nursed by medics. You don't go to the doctors and expect to be fed, because "well, I'm brassic this week and can't afford it, and doctors are supposed to want my kids to be well-nourished."

People have to take responsibility for their lives, not look around for someone else to pick up the slack.

No, because even somebody with basic parenting skills should be capable of understanding that children who are unwell should not be taken to school and then left there on the floor for five hours after the school has made contact asking you to collect them. If a parent isn't capable of understanding that and prioritising getting that child home to bed then perhaps they are not capable of being parents to their children and their children shouldn't be in their care.

You really have no idea.

There are tens if thousands of families who are parenting without "basic parenting skills" - maybe when the DCs were babies they got "support" from SocServ or other agencies, but once the DCs are at school, they are no longer a priority. These DCs aren't taken away - the hope is that they survive childhood with only minor physical and emotional scarring - and usually, that's the case.

Those schools where there is not a requirement to support these families are undoubtedly able to place higher expectations on their parent community.

Who tells parents this?

Surely it's common sense, you have children, you are responsible for them.

Regardless of how hard the financial situation gets, their number 1 responsibility is to their CHILD not their employer.

Sigh. Their number 1 responsibility is to their child but doesn't just mean that they have to pick their child up when they are ill. It also means that they also have to feed an cloth their child and the two responsibilities may sometimes conflict. That is what I mean about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have already discussed how job choices etc may be very limited and the fact that not everyone has non working family or friends able and willing to collect and look after sick children has also been discussed.

Anyway, it's all getting very repetitive and I don't think I can bothered with it anymore with this thread.

You really have no idea.

I really do have a clue. You have no idea what my personal, voluntary or employment background is. I have more of a clue than most. Fortunately I am not blinkered enough to allow ignorance as an excuse for shit parenting where children's needs are not the priority. A significant amount if money is spent on services to try and improve shit parenting, fact is that children suffer whilst this intervention work (which is often ineffective) is being carried out. Children suffer at the hands of the types of parents who think it is fine to take them to school knowing g they are unwell and then leave them shivering on a floor for hours whilst they make no effort to collect them. Meanwhile putting other children at risk of becoming ill. Just as ignorance is not an allowable excuse in criminal law neither should it be in inadequate parenting.

Yy Mary.

Night all.

Schools already do a huge amount to support struggling families. I work in a relatively affluent area - at least, you would think so, but there are a number of children whose parents receive financial support from the school, provision of uniform/winter coats, treatment for nits, homework help, free school trips, breakfast provided, money-managing/housekeeping advice and so on.

But putting those children to bed on school premises when ill during the school day because the parent can't/won't collect would be a new one for us.

Children suffer at the hands of the types of parents who think it is fine to take them to school knowing g they are unwell and then leave them shivering on a floor for hours whilst they make no effort to collect them.

The kind of parents I'm referring to wouldn't realise that their child would be left shivering on a floor for hours. They view the school as an authority figure, who they fear and trust, and they believe that their child will be safe and cared for while there.

To be fair, if staff in a school leave a sick, feverish child sobbing on the floor for hours, unmedicated and with no comfort, then the school needs an urgent safeguarding review. The DC would have been far better off in SocServ care, and anyone who thinks they were doing the best for that child has lost sight of what is important.

But putting those children to bed on school premises when ill during the school day because the parent can't/won't collect would be a new one for us.

In less affluent areas, a kip at school for an hour or two may be the only Undisturbed sleep some DCs get.

I'm involved with several schools in my local area, and in each one there are DCs who share a single mattress with siblings, and where bedding (sheets, pillows, duvets) are not guaranteed. Those DCs sleep in their uniforms when it's cold; which are often only washed when they are rinsed in the classroom sink by a LSA.

It's not right, it's not ideal, but it's the reality of life for far to many DCs.

Yes peruvian lets just look at what the school did wrong rather than criticise the parents who took a sick child to school and left him there for several hours. Many schools have turned store cupboards into useable teaching spaces due to a chronic shortage of space. Where would you expect them to put the child? The floor is better than a row of chairs where he could roll off and harm himself if he falls asleep. They don't have beds at school, however, I would like to think the boy had one at home....

What medication do you propose they give, Peruvian?

They don't have beds at school, however, I would like to think the boy had one at home....

As I said, that's an assumption I don't make, based on my own experience.

Delay in collecting a child is a possible indicator or a chaotic family lifestyle - the schools I know try and provide a safe, comfortable place for the DCs when they're there rather then add to their misery.

I wonder what the outcome was for the little boy? For the parents?