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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 20:07

A child's perspective doesn't understand travel time, the mortgage, the council tax bill ...

Jackiebrambles · 05/02/2015 20:11

Poor kid. But 30 mins is ridiculous. I doubt many people could do that. I have a reasonable commute and it still takes me an hour to get to DS if he is ill (in nursery but would be the same for school). You have to at least hand over to someone at work and tell your boss, even if you are in a non-essential job!!

ihategeorgeosborne · 05/02/2015 20:13

That's why I said I was looking at it from the child's perspective. Personally, I don't think a young child should have to think about the travel time, the mortgage and the council tax. They just want a loving parent to take care of them and love them when they're feeling so rotten. Some of my nicest memories as a child was the time I spent with my mum lying with me in bed and reading me a story when I was poorly and giving me a hot water bottle wrapped in an old pair of tights so I didn't burn myself and being able to eat Marie biscuits!

pharoahinthebath · 05/02/2015 20:18

I agree it's neglect. My parents sent one of my siblings into school ill - feverish - I was hauled into the head's office to tell him where they worked (before the days of keeping phone lists)

my parents got a big bollocking from the head...

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 20:19

Assuming for one moment that schools "report" circumstances like this to SocServ as a Safeguarding issue, exactly what would SS do?

They had to come and collect a child from the school where I worked. His parents didn't collect him at home time and no one was answering the emergency numbers. The parents were in deep shit.

They told the HT he should have looked after the child because they'd been let down by a sitter.

PeruvianFoodLover · 05/02/2015 20:26

The parents were in deep shit.

Were they prosecuted? Were the DCs removed?

Of course, we don't know what else SS knew about that family, or the one the OP is discussing, so it's right that the school makes the report.

But a one-off first offence for an otherwise unknown family wouldn't make a flicker on the SocServ radar in my area!

MoanCollins · 05/02/2015 20:27

Sorry, but a day in a sick bay at school is preferable to your parent losing their job, not being able to the pay the rent, the child having to go through an eviction then a couple of years in a B&B or a hostel. Because that genuinely is the choice for some people.

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 20:30

They weren't prosecuted but they were told that a file on their DCs would be opened and a note made.

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 20:33

MoanCollins who is supposed to look after these ill children? In the old days they would be left on their own in a quiet room but now all DCs have to be supervised at all times. No school is going to pay to have a nurse on call all day.

So who do you suggest looks after them?

Sunnysideup5883 · 05/02/2015 20:37

Naty how convenient to play down his illness to a mere cold

PeruvianFoodLover · 05/02/2015 20:42

They weren't prosecuted but they were told that a file on their DCs would be opened and a note made.

Hardly deep shit, then. In reality there is very little that can be done. The "system" relies on parents being responsible. If parents choose not to be, and rely on the goodwill of others such as the school, then what?

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 20:44

It felt like deep shit to them. Both "professionals". Never happened again, though.

PenguinSalute · 05/02/2015 20:47

I am a social worker and DP is a police officer. Whilst I agree that the boy shouldn't have been sent in to school in the morning when he was clearly unwell, a blanket 30 min rule is ludicrous.

Sometimes children do go downhill suddenly from being seemingly fine- if I was in court and DP out on immediate calls it's possible phones wouldn't be seen for a couple of hours. If they were we would of course come back asap but for DP that would take at least an hour.

We don't have friends or family that have flexibility to be emergency contacts. What should we do in this scenario? Give up one of our jobs because it's 'not a good idea to not be able to leave straight away?' I'd like to know how we'd pay our rent, feed or clothe our child then.

tiggytape · 05/02/2015 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 21:09

What is the school meant to do with a child too ill to be there, penguin?

MoanCollins · 05/02/2015 21:19

I don't know. I honestly don't know. But I have to say I have sympathy for the people concerned. My husband works in construction and you can't really leave in a lot of jobs in construction because in some jobs it can literally shut down the site and cost them a lot of money. And they'd kick you off the job. I am lucky I can take time off, but I can imagine if you had a husband doing a job like mine and you worked in something like production in a factory where they are also really demanding and get rid of people easily it would be very hard. And often people don't have family nearby and their friends work too so there isn't any support any more.

It's a sad situation but I think one that says a bit more about what's wrong with our society these days than the parents themselves.

The school obviously did something, probably sent a teaching assistant out to sit with him.

Want2bSupermum · 05/02/2015 21:20

I think this is a problem every dual working family has to face. My career has taken a back seat because when school is closed or a DC is sick it is me who stays home. DH earns way more than I do and doesn't have the same ability that I have in being able to work from home.

I changed careers to be able to have this flexibility but not every parent can do that. Neither is everyone married to someone who brings home more bacon than one can eat. I have said it on other threads and repeat it here. There are many more families who are holding their finances together by string than people realize. The current set up does put most parents in a catch 22 situation where they are barely making it once children arrive. It isn't nice but there are times when a sick child is 'left behind'. I know plenty of parents who gave their kids tylenol to mask a high temperature and sent them in. I have the luxury of not having to do it.

I think its a shame the parents don't think they have the ability to prioritize their son. As a society that is what needs to change.

Stillwishihadabs · 05/02/2015 21:21

I am a HCP and have been in jobs where: a) I couldn't leave and /or b) I was minimum 2 hours away. For that reason Dh and I make sure that there is ALWAYS some one who could get to school and pick up in an emergency. I consider it a parental responsibility. The only time used to be when I was travelling back from a night shift and dh had already left for work.

Also these parents were given the heads up the day before.I mean yes any dc can suddenly need collecting,but you kind of know if it's likely and we would start planning how we would cope the following day when we were called the first time.

stealthsquiggle · 05/02/2015 21:21

I haven't read the whole thread, but personally I would reserve the judgement for those emergency contacts. You have (presumably) agreed to be an emergency contact, but when that emergency occurs you decide it's the wrong kind of emergency - WTAF? Presumably their DC are in the same class, or friends, so they have been exposed anyway, so for the sake of a small element of extra risk they will leave a child miserably at school when it could be, if not in it's own home, at least in a comfortable home, having had paracetamol or whatever, and being looked after? That's beggars belief IMHO.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/02/2015 21:21

i really do not have anyone else to collect the children. thier dad could come but he is a couple of counties awya as we are separated. at a push sil could come but she is also two counties away until recently she was on another continent.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 05/02/2015 21:25

Oh poor kid. Hope he's resting now anyway.

I once sent dd2 into school dosed up on Calprofen thinking it would keep the symptoms of a bad cold under control. Perhaps if I'd have the foresight to nip to school and give her another dose BEFORE I set off to work it might have worked but no, it didn't. I got a call at work asking me to come and get her. I was shocked and horrified at how bad she was and felt fucking awful. I kept her off for the rest of the week.

What I'm trying to fathom is why the parents didn't keep him off today at least. Surely they must have seen how ill he was yesterday and realised he needed to stay off. I don't get paid if I have to stay off with a sick child and it sucks cos I can ill afford to lose the cash but that's how it is.

Shite being a working parent sometimes.

DixieNormas · 05/02/2015 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

naty1 · 05/02/2015 21:31

Sunnyside- in the absence of a gp diagnosis, yes its a cold.
I actually cant see the issue, if the child isnt ill enough to be rushed to a&e or gp, then they just need to lie down, rest, sleep.
I agree the parents shouldnt have sent themin that day, probably and should have been clear with the school about when, before the end of the day they could pick up.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/02/2015 21:33

This is a very interesting thread though. Highlights a very tricky issue.

Stillwishihadabs · 05/02/2015 21:34

Yes I agree about the emergency contacts. I have had other parent's sick dcs when they haven't been able to collect. No big deal, just make a bed on the sofa.

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