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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 19:06

It happened to me quite a lot as a child. I just had to wait in a quiet area (at my primary school a library.)

It's not ideal, but children aren't actually stupid and can appreciate the logistics of work nine times out of ten. Plus, the number of times it may happen - don't know about anyone else but I've collected a an ill DS from school twice. He's nearly 8.

And the contingency plan would be ... ?

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2015 19:07

BFF and I were emergency contacts for each other and yes we picked up each other's ill children! We figured they were around each other so much that they usually picked up each other's 'bugs' plus most 'bugs' run through a school anyway! We just kept the sick child away from our own children as much as possible.

26Point2Miles · 05/02/2015 19:07

baddz I've never heard of a school closing due to 'noro'?

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 19:09

Nor me 26

I couldn't ask a friend, I haven't got any close enough and local enough. I have no family. If I couldn't afford to be SAHM what would my contingency plan be ?

Baddz · 05/02/2015 19:09

At my sons school there are 4 emergency contacts on the form..me, Dh, my mum and my mil.
Obv not everyone has family, but surely if you don't you need a contingency plan?
Just leaving a sick child at school and hoping for the best is not acceptable.
As is sending in an obv sick child.

Primaryteach87 · 05/02/2015 19:09

It didn't have to be a parent who collected them. So all the huffing and puffing about various essential jobs is irrelevant. What's happened is the parents have put people down as emergency contacts who weren't prepared to actually do that. It's perfectly reasonable to remind parents that if they can't come to collect their child (due to their job etc) then they need to ensure the emergency contacts can within a reasonable timeframe (personally I think EC or parent should be available within an hour).

tilliebob · 05/02/2015 19:09

In my workplace we'd be filling in a care and welfare form about this. If too many of these are amassed in short period of time, parents are asked into school. Depending on circs the school nurse/social work/family and community officer might be contacted.

ocelot41 · 05/02/2015 19:09

This points to a bigger, knotty problem. Most parents will work more than thirty mins away if they work in a city ( my work is an hour and ten and DH's 45 mins). If you don't have family near, you have to rely on friends who may not be available or may not be keen to look after a very, very sick kid. That's even if you have a sympathetic workplace and are not in a meeting so get the call right away and are able to leave right away.

Is this awful for children? Yes! What's the solution? Buggered if I know. We live on a wing and a prayer when there's illness about.

26Point2Miles · 05/02/2015 19:09

And op didn't mention 'd&v' did she?

BMW6 · 05/02/2015 19:09

Doesn't the needs of the child trump the chosen career path of the parent? Not a good idea to have BOTH parents in jobs that can't be left in an emergency is it!
It is not the responsibility of a school to look after a sick child. The parents in this case will have to rethink and take responsibility.

Sunnysideup5883 · 05/02/2015 19:09

90 minutes is quite a reasonable length of time for parents to collect.

The fact is that one of the parents should have stayed home with the sick boy on the second day at least

It's parents like this that spread illnesses at schools

Permanentlyexhausted · 05/02/2015 19:09

So the mother (and maybe father too) is a nurse and cannot just leave her job to pick up her poorly child. Well, no shit, Sherlock! How would you feel if your child was in hospital and the nurse just buggered off to collect her poorly child from school? Not very happy, I'd guess. Probably cross enough to start a stupid sanctimonious thread on Mumsnet.

Disastronaut · 05/02/2015 19:10

Somewhere in the country a 9 year old boy, whose parents work in healthcare, was ill.

Yeah, I know exactly who that is. Confused

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 19:11

And if you don't have emergency contacts?

I recognise my case is unusual, but it is there. Luckily, we can afford for me to SAH. If you are a single parent, or have no family around you, what do you do?

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 19:11

I don't know who is is, Disa, but I'd recognise myself if it was me, is the point.

SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 05/02/2015 19:13

They did have a contingency plan, the contingency plan failed in that the other people who were designated as emergency contacts refused to collect the child.

Baddz · 05/02/2015 19:13

It happens.
Last year 2 local primaries closed for 2 days to be deep cleaned.
With all due respect, just because you haven't heard of it doesnt mean it doesn't happen.
Not many weeks go by that I don't hear "i was sick last night" in the playground.
Do parents think their kids don't tell their teachers??
In fact we had a child throw up in the playground last week!
Sigh.

SolasEile · 05/02/2015 19:14

Could the school offer support instead of blaming and bringing in new rules that will make it even harder for working parents to meet guidelines especially if they commute?

I feel sorry for these parents. If you both work in frontline jobs and have no family nearby to help out it is hard. I'm a SAHM at the moment as DC2 is only 3 months but at my DC1's preschool our only emergrncy contact is a friend because we live abroad with no family nearby. All my friends have young DC too so if my son was that ill I'd have the same issue with emergency contacts. As a SAHM it wouldn't be an issue right now as I keep him home during illness but I hope to go back to work this year and I genuinely have NO IDEA how we're going to cope with things like this when DC are both at school.

I just hope my future employers are understanding and the school tries to support working parents and not just make snide accusations of neglect. Why not offer to put parebts who lack support in touch with one another or send out information on childcare services in the area? The child's welfare should be paramount and if that means helping the parents then that's what you do.

And blaming only the mum in your title is just ridiculous. Oh of course she'll just have a little job for pin money that she can step out of at a moment's notice. Not like the dad who will have real responsibilities...Hmm

Evelight · 05/02/2015 19:16

So say the parents, who are so busy that they cannot pick up their sick child, have the time to read this "stupid" thread, and also the time to pick a fight. What could they do about it? Go round to school and further popularize themselves?

The emergency contacts issue is a hoary one, but it is the parents' issue not the school. Sick kids should not be sent to school, end of, no exception for career choice of parent.

26Point2Miles · 05/02/2015 19:17

I read on a thread last week the the old 48 hour rule has been reduced as attendence rates were suffering

There is no 48 hour rule at our secondary's... They just don't bother

26Point2Miles · 05/02/2015 19:20

eve a member of staff has been unprofessional. Plus their May be a side to this story we don't know about.... So I think the normal complaints procedure could be followed?

naty1 · 05/02/2015 19:20

Completely agree with pp 30min rule is laughable.
It sounds like you are exaggerating to me, if parents are in healthcare they are capable of judging if he can go to school.
Also isnt the rule d&v and probably judgement over other things.
Sounds like a severe cold, what more can they do at home.??
My work is 20-50min journey away plus a wait of up to 40min for bus.
Dp could get there in 30min. Maybe.
Actually i think its more likely to take an hr for most people. Let alone handover work to be done that day to someone else
Could you just go and say to your boss, im off this min to pick up sick child?
Then there is the fact you mobile could be in no reception area, or you in a meeting.
The only real emergency i can see is needing to take child to hospital/gp.
Im sure a 9 yo would understand mum/dad is say an hr away.

But it sounds like you are saying they were uncontactable, which is a true issue in case something serious did happen.
I think other parents/GP should be willing to pick up a sick child. (Unless they are say pg or have newborn or suspected meningitis. As anyway if their kids are in school they are likely in contact with it through sick child being there. (In reality not sure i would fancy collecting a D&v child)

ToffeeCaramel · 05/02/2015 19:21

Poor little thing being made to go to school when he needed to be in bed. Do school sick bays not have beds any more if he had to lie on the floor? They used to

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2015 19:21

It's not a snide allegation of neglect, it is neglect. Sending a patently ill child to school and refusing to collect them is shameful.

Original poster
Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 19:24

No sick pay or beds any more in school.

OP posts: