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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 05/02/2015 18:45

Parents are taking the piss. Poor kid. I wonder what schools can do in this situation?

Baddz · 05/02/2015 18:45

Surely the school should be contacting SS?

Evelight · 05/02/2015 18:47

"dim view" - so quaint!

And yes- those parents are awful. I know I, and practically every other mom I know (yes, always the moms) have had to rush out of work, meetings, classrooms whatever to pick up a sick child. Mostly colleagues/bosses/teachers/profs are understanding and sympathetic (god knows what they say behind our backs).

Sunnysideup5883 · 05/02/2015 18:47

It's neglect. Poor kid

SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 05/02/2015 18:47

I happen to know that both parents work in health care. Mother is a nurse and the dad is something else in health care... don't know what.

In that case I have even more sympathy for the parents. No it's not great their child was left unwell at school but I can empathise a great deal, especially if they are nurses on understaffed wards where they may be one of only 2 qualified members of staff. It doesn't make it right but it does make it difficult and they probably feel shit as it is.

EvilTendency1 · 05/02/2015 18:48

Just want to add this so I don't get accused of hoiking the judgy pants.

We can only do that as we're lucky enough to do it through DH being SE.

McFox · 05/02/2015 18:48

How does the school expect a nurse just to walk out of work at a minutes notice? That is exceptionally short sighted.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 05/02/2015 18:49

30 mins is unreasonable. The job centre says you have to accept jobs up to 90 minutes away, so all a 30 minute limit does is further stress parents who are trying to do their best.

Mumtotherescueagain · 05/02/2015 18:49

I would stop giving information about these people. We may not know who they are but if mum or dad reads your post they will recognise themselves and personally I'd have your arse on a plate for it. I don't care how shit a mum you thought I was.

Incidentally you know the explanation - parents both work in healthcare. HAve you any idea what front line health care is like atm? If not pushed they won't walk away from their jobs because there is a good chance lives will be put at risk. The kid was miserable, you were cross but nobody died because of the choice they made today. It's very, very tough.

CinderellaRockefeller · 05/02/2015 18:49

Pick up in 30 minutes is impossible for some people. In my job there are times when I have my phone off in meetings or filming etc and I might not pick up an immediate message the second it comes in.. I then have responsibilities to hand over, I can't just drop and leave. and my work is an hour away from school.

There has to be some flexibility for parents as well.

Sunnysideup5883 · 05/02/2015 18:50

I think the school should phone the parents tonight/in the morning and say that the boy is clearly unwell and should recover/rest at home Friday. Do not bring him into school.

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 18:52

My former head teacher had a zero tolerance for selfish parents.

If they said they couldn't come or arrange for the child to be collected he told them his next call would be to social services. The school is not set up to nurse ill children.

If children came back to school still ill he'd phone both parents and tell them to collect the child within the hour or a social worked would be collecting them.

Selfish shits of parents used to make me so angry. How could they do that to a crying, ill child?

Sunnysideup5883 · 05/02/2015 18:53

It doesn't matter that the parents are in the healthcare profession, their child should be collected.

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 18:53

Gosh.

We know:

The child is a boy
He is 9
He was ill today with a fever
His parents work in healthcare
They were not contactable.

Personally, I think there is enough info here to be identifiable.

Also, if his parents work in healthcare, it is possible that they couldn't "just leave." Both the parents, not just the mother.

The boy was poorly, but alive - stuff like this happens. One of the reasons I'm a SAHM is we have NO family at all to help: my husbands parents are dead and so are mine. We can't conjure people up from thin air to take the children.

I don't think it's neglect, I think it's just one of those things to be quite honest.

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 18:55

Actually Sunny it does matter. Legally, you can't just walk away in some jobs. I briefly worked as a home healthcare assistant and once arrived to find someone on the floor and legally had to stay until an ambulance came. It was my duty of care.

Minimum wage, too - but I digress.

A midwife can't just leave when the baby's head is crowning. A nurse or surgeon can't just walk out of an operating theatre.

Of course it matters.

Baddz · 05/02/2015 18:56

Lots of parents use school as free childcare.
Sad, but true.
Last year a wohm decided to send their child into school with d and v.
My son was next to him when he had explosive diahorea all over the floor.
My son got it (unsurprisingly)
And so did I.
Which meant I missed a Big family party which I had helped to plan.
So...that was nice.
All so she didn't miss her fucking shift,
Because that's all that matters.
And yes, op, to answer your question it is neglect and needs reporting. What if he had deteriorated? Needed emergency care? It happens :(

Baddz · 05/02/2015 18:57

Of course the parents couldn't drop everything straight away, but to leave him there all day?
Awful.

Marmot75 · 05/02/2015 18:58

I agree what happened today is unfair on the child and the school. Without knowing more circumstances I'd be reluctant to describe it as neglect. But I think an expectation of collecting a child within 30 minutes is unrealistic for a lot of working parents, or indeed non-working parents even if they'd just gone to the shops.

It would take me 1.5 hrs from my regular office. So if I'd received a call at 9.30 this morning to collect him it would have been 11.00 at least before I'd have got there.

betweenmarchandmay · 05/02/2015 18:58

'All so she didn't miss her fucking shift'

Glad to see compassion is alive and well on Mumsnet. I think it is possibly more likely she had to go to work so she didn't miss the fucking rent or mortgage payment.

Not everywhere gives you pay if you're ill, never mind your child.

McFox · 05/02/2015 18:59

It's amazing the amount if people on this thread saying "this is why I freelance/am a SAHM" etc, as if these are realistic options for most people. Bully for you, but you are in a minority.

seaoflove · 05/02/2015 19:02

I'm amazed so many people seem to think it's acceptable to send a sick child to school, and ignore requests to collect them.

Poor kid must feel so uncared for.

I don't care how important your job is: if you can't get time off/leave your shift when your child is sick, then you need a bloody good contingency plan. Because children get sick, and there's no point neglecting them and sticking your head in the sand because of your job.

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 19:02

Those who say it isn't always possible to collect the children quickly or even at all - what are schools supposed to do with the ill children?

DancingDinosaur · 05/02/2015 19:03

It must be very hard for people who simply can't leave work, a nurse being a prime example. If I was stuck I can call on my mum, but not everyone has that.

26Point2Miles · 05/02/2015 19:04

Hmm I have just found out quite a bit about this OP from doing just a tiny bit of detective work for less than ten minutes

Lol she is NOT anonymous. Add that to what we know about the family she is slagging off....

Baddz · 05/02/2015 19:05

What sort of oarent sends their kids into school knowing they have d and v?
What's the point?
No wonder schools keep closing due to noro.
Madness.