to think you shouldn't always make children move for adults on a bus?

[RocketInMyPocket]

Was having a bit of a chit chat with some other mums this morning after dropping of ds.
We were talking about buses, and how people were inconsiderate on them etc.
It made me think of an incident that happened a year or so ago.
Ds was about 4, and dd was 2 and in her buggy.
We had been shopping in town all day, and got the bus home.
It was really packed, I was standing up with the buggy, and ds was sitting next to a lady on a chair near me. There were quite a few people standing.
A lady got on, and asked me if he was my son. I said yes, and she said 'Can you make him move up so I can sit down'.
Now she wasn't a small lady, and neither was the lady he was already sitting next to, he would've been crushed between them!!
I said, 'Well, not really, there isn't exactly room'.
Then she told me to make him move so she could sit down.
I told her no, he had been walking all day, his little legs were knackered and as the bus was so busy I didn't really want him standing, I thought it was much safer for him to be sitting down.
She started going mental about no respect these days blah blah blah.
She was only on the bus for 3 stops .
I have always made ds move on the bus for the elderly, or a pregnant woman etc, but do you think kids should always have to get up for adults on the bus?

No I do not. I never make my dc move unless for elderly or disabled people. My own ds has Hyper mobility and dyspraxia and struggles to stand for long periods, although looks fine.

Even if he didn't I still wouldn't make him move. My dc are 8 and 12.

My instincts say yes, children and younger adults should always offer their seats up to an older person. But in that specific situation I think you were right, especially given her rudeness. Manners are a two way street and expecting them without offering them, it served her right for you to say no.

Not necessarily no, like you, I would always make my child move for someone with a mobility issue, elderly, pg etc. but in the context you describe probably not. Obviously some people have hidden disabilities, and if someone said 'excuse me, would it be possible for me to have your DS' seat, I'm recovering from chemo/have cfs (or whatever), I would also move them, but otherwise no.

I think if possible children should, yes. In your specific situation, it wouldn't have been safe, too young to stand safely and you weren't sat so couldn't have him on your lap.

In that instance you were NBU

For me it's when you're on one seat. DS is on another when you can place DS on your lap and free up a seat.

If you were sat on the seat with your DS I hardly doubt she would of asked you to move! I think it's because they're small.

No. As a kid I would do just because I had this innate feeling that I shoukd, but I hate the fact children seem to be second class people to some adults. Your child has every right to that seat as any other able bodied person.

If she got the bus for 3 stops it sounds like she did have a mobility issue. So she maybe was caused discomfort by standing.

Was she elderly?

No I don't. I think for small children it's safer that they sit down as don't hold on properly/ get squashed amongst crowds. I often squeeze my x2 little ones on one seat and stand next to them. They are safe/ contained/ can rest

I suppose once bigger to safely hold on through to teens they can move, but only for someone less able than themselves. The average 20/30/40 year old can stand just as easily as a 10 year old tbh.

For anyone old/ sick/ disabled/ pregnant I would move myself and them.

I think everyone has to be flexible regarding this general rule. Strangers do not know the needs of the individual child. The child could suffer from a hidden disability. Very small children also need to be kept close to their carer. However yes some children or adults could stand on a bus. So everybody needs to do what they can.

Teaching your children that giving up your seat is a nice thing to do and setting this example yourself, wherever possible, would be the best way to handle this IMO.

At that age no i wouldn't move dc. Bus drivers here can be wild and if some idiot pulls out in front of the bus and it comes to a halt then the child would be first to fall. If I'm sat down with dd and the bus is getting busy then I put her on her lap. It's hard to ask for seats because you don't know if the person sitting has a disability or in my case is pregnant and struggles to stand on a packed hot bus for too long

Also on a full bus, the majority of seats will be sat on by adults, so if I needed a seat I would ask an adult to move before a child. Obv adult can say they can't as find hard to stand etc, but another could move

No I don't think a child should stand or move for an average healthy adult.

my general rule is the elderly, disabled and pregnant, my 5 yr okd is shattered bless him after a school day, or a long day out, and you get thrown around the bus if you stand not always safe for small children.

With a child that young it's your call, not hers and not the child's.

But as your children grow up encourage them to get up as needed so that they do so as a matter of course when they are older and on their own. That's how my DM taught me more than fifty years ago, and until very recently when I had a fall and knackered my knee that's what I did without even thinking about it.

No I don't think a child should have to give a seat to a healthy adult. My DS (who's 3) sits in my knee to save a seat, but I would not expect an otherwise healthy adult to kick me and my son out of the seat, so I don't see it as any different if he's set on a seat whilst I'm standing to save another seat. As far as I'm concerned it's Way too dangerous for a child to stand and hold on, on a crowded bus and grown adults should have more sense/ manners. Obviously a disabled person is a different kettle of fish, but I would hope that a healthy adult or older child would be targeted above a small child. That said I always sit mid - back of the bus as this is not where disabled travellers would wish to sit anyway.

I have got up and given my seat to a child...I hate seeing young children standing on public transport.

I wouldn't want a child to move to allow me to sit, never mind expect them to! I might be older than them, but I'm still (relatively) young, and pretty healthy, so perfectly capable of standing. I'd only expect a child to move in the same situations as I'd expect a healthy adult to.

Fanjo, no she wasn't elderly, probably early 40's.
As Mrscog said as well, had she said something like 'Excuse me, I have x condition, can I please sit down', I would have been more likely to consider it, but probably would have asked another adult to stand for her, as didn't feel it was safe for ds to stand.
And as others have rightly pointed out, I doubt she would have asked if he had been sat on my lap.
I think it's tough because you want your children to learn manners and respect, but at the same time it's not always possible.
And I definitely agree manners and respect are a 2 way street.

I put my younger one on my knee but there's no way she's standing up on a bus, she's only 3 and still quite tiny. My older 2 do but they're 9 & 14 and are physically fine to do it.

NickiFury, ds has dyspraxia too. He wasn't diagnosed at that point though, so I thought he was just clumsy.
He's forever running into things, falling over etc

I think an older child could offer their seat to an elderly person. But a four year old? They are small and its hard for them to stand and hang on.

Not sure where I would place the cut off but as a starter for 10 if the child is in KS2 or above, they should be able to stand easily?

well i am glad you said early 40s wasn't elderly!

Seems a weird thing for someone my age to say. But you meet all sorts.

I would not expect a child to move. I have had a chance to live. If it's going to crash, I'd rather it be me flying through the window. No difference if it's older children, either.