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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you shouldn't always make children move for adults on a bus?

163 replies

RocketInMyPocket · 30/01/2015 10:20

Was having a bit of a chit chat with some other mums this morning after dropping of ds.
We were talking about buses, and how people were inconsiderate on them etc.
It made me think of an incident that happened a year or so ago.
Ds was about 4, and dd was 2 and in her buggy.
We had been shopping in town all day, and got the bus home.
It was really packed, I was standing up with the buggy, and ds was sitting next to a lady on a chair near me. There were quite a few people standing.
A lady got on, and asked me if he was my son. I said yes, and she said 'Can you make him move up so I can sit down'.
Now she wasn't a small lady, and neither was the lady he was already sitting next to, he would've been crushed between them!!
I said, 'Well, not really, there isn't exactly room'.
Then she told me to make him move so she could sit down.
I told her no, he had been walking all day, his little legs were knackered and as the bus was so busy I didn't really want him standing, I thought it was much safer for him to be sitting down.
She started going mental about no respect these days blah blah blah.
She was only on the bus for 3 stops Hmm.
I have always made ds move on the bus for the elderly, or a pregnant woman etc, but do you think kids should always have to get up for adults on the bus?

OP posts:
MythicalKings · 30/01/2015 16:57

I would always ask someone to move their bags - and I do - and I hear lots of other people do it as well, Giles.

I sometimes put a heavy bag on the seat beside me (I like to sit by the window) but move it every time people get on in case anyone wants to sit there. I dislike the " bag by the window and head down" people as well.
Smile

Slowcommotion · 30/01/2015 17:05

Agree with Soexcitedforthisyear I am definitely of the opinion that a healthy child should always stand up for an adult. I am [shocked] that we are in the minority tbh!!

It's not just about "that particular incident on that day" is it? It's about teaching your child to be considerate of others in all situations.

Admittedly, it's not easy managing swaying infants and bags of shopping on public transport and people should be more aware and helpful etc but I think it's just basic manners to ask a child to stand up for their elders.

And sorry, but in your particular case op, the woman only initially asked your child to budge up, not stand up!

Slowcommotion · 30/01/2015 17:06

sorry, that should have been a Shock!

sanfairyanne · 30/01/2015 17:07

no way my kids would be standing up when under say 10. its just dangerous. i would stand up though and expect my older kids too

middlethird · 30/01/2015 17:08

I have young children, if I am on a bus on my own, I nearly always offer my seat to parents with young children - for the child to sit down. It's so hard for them to stand in that sort of situation...

Perhaps that just me, but I know how hard it is to have little ones stand up in an often unpridictable fast moving bus! I'm happy to move.

I also agree with the poster above wo said that - if you feel entitled to the seat, ask a grown up - not a young childs parent!

Original poster
RocketInMyPocket · 30/01/2015 17:08

I remember when I was 8 months pg, and coming home from work on the busy tube. You KNOW people have seen you, but they looked out of the window or their newspapers went up over their faces with lightning speed.
A lot of people are just twats.
On a side note I always remember dp complaining about 'the office lot' sitting down on the train. He's a plasterer so had been doing manual labour all day.
He said the 'suits' were always on the seats, and all the 'workers' were standing.
Did make me chuckle when he said 'I suppose you can't blame them, must be exhausting standing at the platform after sitting at your desk all day' Grin

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 17:09

No its not manners. not at all.

It's just people being selfish arses disguised as some weird old fashioned rule of respect.

Slowcommotion · 30/01/2015 17:10

Live abroad (continental Europe). I've been on school trips with crocodiles of children aged 5 to 10 yrs who were all perfectly capable of negotiating (and standing on) buses, metros, escalators and trams, with fairly heavy backpacks too.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/01/2015 17:10

my child is in pain when standing. the other has asd. sometimes I am in pain too when standing... we all look fit (ish) and haelthy but not always the case.

would not be a probem though as we yend to use the car. ds having a meltdown on the bus would notbe pleasant.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 17:10

If think any able bodied person who took a seat from.a child and sat and watched them get thrown about a bus was a dick

GraysAnalogy · 30/01/2015 17:10

I agree with the bullying thing. Telling a child to stand up isn't due to regulations, it's picking the easy target.

Why that child has any less right to a seat than any of the adults I don't know.

Funny really, people kick off about ageism but only when it's about elderly people it seems.

Caronaim · 30/01/2015 17:14

As a reasonably fit, slightly arthritic adult, I would normally stand on busy buses to offer my seat to a small child. Up to the age of roughly six, say, certainly children are safer sitting down. it depends on the bus, but a heavy adult is not going to get flung around so easily as a light child, in the event of sudden breaking or a tight corner.

MythicalKings · 30/01/2015 17:14

Why that child has any less right to a seat than any of the adults I don't know.

Because there's a sign on our buses that says so. That's why people expect it.

GraysAnalogy · 30/01/2015 17:17

Thank god I live in a place where this isn't a thing. There are no signs saying that. That's ridiculous.

And I'm surprised so many people agree with it. It's all well and good you saying you're following 'regulations' but it's awfully easy for people to go along with isn't it when it's targeting the people who aren't going to stand up for themselves.

expatinscotland · 30/01/2015 17:21

'If think any able bodied person who took a seat from.a child and sat and watched them get thrown about a bus was a dick'

This.

I have never seen a sign that children have to give up seats to able-bodied adults.

Slowcommotion · 30/01/2015 17:25

Well, if the worst comes to the worst, I think it would be far easier for a (sitting) adult to grab a swaying child and prevent it from falling over, than a (sitting) child to stop an adult from toppling.

But it's not about that. It's about teaching a child to be considerate. Again, to be clear, I am talking about healthy/nt children here.

MythicalKings · 30/01/2015 17:27

The wording is something like - Children travel at reduced fare providing they do not occupy a seat when an adult is standing.

If that's there on the side of the bus it's unfair to name call people who then ask a parent to move a child onto their lap. I rarely travel on buses these days and even more rarely at peak time so I've not actually seen it happen. Parents usually put children on their laps if the bus gets a bit crowded. I did.

lurkerspeaks · 30/01/2015 17:27

I travel frequently on public transport in London. Small ambulant children (eg 3-6) are much safer esp. If it is busy sitting down.

I'm happy to stand or pop the kids I travel with on my knee so that they can sit down. Skittle -like small kids do no one any favours.

I did however get v. Narked off with teenagers from the local (independent) school who sat on the bus the other day while elderly people stood. They had that even more annoying phenomenon if the tired school bags who also apparently merited a seat.

I emailed the head teacher. The fact that they were in uniform (local state don't wear it) made it easy to identify who to complain to!

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 17:30

There's also signs saying "do not stand forward of this point" "and please remain seated until bus has stopped"

funnily enough neither of these apply to the same people who suddenly care about the child sign.

morningtoncrescent62 · 30/01/2015 17:37

I don't think small children should have to stand for adults, for all the reasons others have said.

But I do think it's good manners for older chidren/teens to be the first to stand for older/less able adults on crowded transport. I was in Perth, W Australia a few years ago and surprised to see that there were posters on all the buses saying that teenagers paying half fare were expected either to stand if necessary, or pay full fare if they wanted to continue to occupy a seat when the bus was full. I don't think it hurts to teach older children that you give your seat as a matter of course to people less able to stand than you. I was taught to do that as a child (1970s), and I've done it ever since. Though I have to admit, if I stand now for someone visibly older or disabled, I do it with a stony stare at all the younger adults and teenagers who I do think should have been much quicker off the mark than me.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 17:39

That's just it morning

kids pay half fare til 16.

why not pick on the secondary school kids? they pay half fare.

why pick on the young ones.

of they were so sure that's how it should be as that 23 yr old and leave the little ones alone.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 17:40

13 yr old rather

PoppySausage · 30/01/2015 17:52

Mil was annoyed with dp's 16 year old cousin not moving from the sofa for us at Christmas. I did try and explain I didn't see why she should but got the 'lack of respect' line too

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2015 17:52

Isn't is strange that when I was a child back in the 50s/early 60s it would have been unthinkable for me to stay sitting when there was an adult needing a seat either on the bus or the tube. My mother would never have allowed it. I don't remember small children being hurled asunder and this was the days of the Routemaster which didn't even have doors!

Wonder when things changed...

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 17:55

Maybe when there became more traffic on the roads and the roads became more dangerous.

or when poor services can mean buses are really crowded.

or when the elderly got their free passes and choose to use the first available bus at 9.01 full of school kids and workers despite having all day to do their shopping.

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