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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you shouldn't always make children move for adults on a bus?

163 replies

RocketInMyPocket · 30/01/2015 10:20

Was having a bit of a chit chat with some other mums this morning after dropping of ds.
We were talking about buses, and how people were inconsiderate on them etc.
It made me think of an incident that happened a year or so ago.
Ds was about 4, and dd was 2 and in her buggy.
We had been shopping in town all day, and got the bus home.
It was really packed, I was standing up with the buggy, and ds was sitting next to a lady on a chair near me. There were quite a few people standing.
A lady got on, and asked me if he was my son. I said yes, and she said 'Can you make him move up so I can sit down'.
Now she wasn't a small lady, and neither was the lady he was already sitting next to, he would've been crushed between them!!
I said, 'Well, not really, there isn't exactly room'.
Then she told me to make him move so she could sit down.
I told her no, he had been walking all day, his little legs were knackered and as the bus was so busy I didn't really want him standing, I thought it was much safer for him to be sitting down.
She started going mental about no respect these days blah blah blah.
She was only on the bus for 3 stops Hmm.
I have always made ds move on the bus for the elderly, or a pregnant woman etc, but do you think kids should always have to get up for adults on the bus?

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 30/01/2015 13:03

I don't think a child as young as four should be standing on the bus. If you had had a seat yourself you could sit him on your knee, but you didn't so I think you did the right thing. It wouldn't have been safe in those circumstances.

MrsTawdry · 30/01/2015 13:07

In the old days OP, someone would have had him on their knee. Nobody would dare offer now.

I remember sitting on strange ladies' laps as a kid...when the bus was full.

tobysmum77 · 30/01/2015 13:10

yes 4 is quite young to stand I think. People usually offer you a seat when you're standing with a child ime.

ExitPursuedByABear · 30/01/2015 13:11

But she could have had a hidden disability.

Yes, in the main I think children should give up their seats for adults.

tobysmum77 · 30/01/2015 13:12

the child could also have a hidden disability....

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 13:12

Yanbu.

If anyone's going i stand I stand. I do my best to make as much space as possible by having on dd on my lap or have them sharing a seat and of course if someone elderly or heavily pregnant go t on and was more in need I'd hope someone else would stand but if not I'd get dd1 to stand of it was absolutely necessary. but for perfectly able non elderly adults? Then why the hell should my kids get flung about a bus or hit on face with bags or squashed between people three times their size.

children are not able to hold on as tight or survive as much of an impact. I'd prefer my kids sat down in the little space I can get them to squeeze in and I will continue to include children in my list of vulnerable people whom i stand for.

SoonToBeSix · 30/01/2015 13:13

No a four year old could easily fall on a bus it's not safe for them to stand. To sit on your knee yes but not stand.

sixandtwothrees · 30/01/2015 13:16

YANBU

I would move the child if the bus was packed and I was sitting down and could put them on my lap but no, not if they were sitting and I wasn't. Unless there was a disabled or elderly person needing a seat. Plus, her actually asking you to tell your kid to stand up on the basis of 'respect' is completely unreasonable. Why are her needs more important than his? She's not respecting him is she? I would never ever want a child to stand up for me I would be horrified if someone made their child stand up for me in fact I have often stood up to let a child sit down. YANBU and good on you for saying no.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 13:16

I never understand why out of all the people who could stand for someone on a bus people seem to think the smallest most likely to be injured person is the one who should risk their safety.

I could not sit there watching while some poor mite got thrown around whilst others sit there heads down with head phones deliberately avoiding eye contact yo avoid having to move themselves.

Soexcitedforthisyear · 30/01/2015 13:16

I would absolutely move my child for someone. Under about 6 they can sit on my knee, any older they can stand up. They have no mobility problems and it's good manners. On the tube I always make them stand or sit on my knee if adults are stabdjng

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 30/01/2015 13:17

For me, ds was six when I felt I could trust him to hold on properly. I always stand 'around' him so to speak. So if the bus is full he will stand and I will stand around dd and get her to hold with both hands.

If we can sit I always put one on my lap so we are not taking three seats. I will ask ds to stand for an adult but this rarely is necessary. And agree that a lot of adults will offer seats to the kids.

There is a woman on my bus route with two kids probably 4&7. She takes up four seats because obv her bags need a seat too. She doesn't move for anyone. I once asked her to more her bags so dd could sit and she acted like I'd asked for a kidney. Winds me up everytime I see her!!!

Eltonjohnsflorist · 30/01/2015 13:17

They should be on your lap. They're only paying half fare

tobysmum77 · 30/01/2015 13:19

the mum was standing because she was watching another lo in pushchair so child was in their only occupied seat.

SaucyJack · 30/01/2015 13:20

No. Nobody has the right to demand someone else's seat purely because they fancy a sit down.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 30/01/2015 13:21

Putting ds on your knee is a red herring though as if op had done that there still wouldn't have been a seat for the woman.

It's a bit like pregnant women and the elderly in that their sense of balance isn't so great and the outcome of sudden braking could be much more severe.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 30/01/2015 13:23

I live in London where kids (and dogs, and oaps) travel free. Does that mean they should get off a packed bus to make way for paying adults? Or none should have a seat if paying adults are around?

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 13:24

Yes we aren't talking about putting on laps. witg two kids it's still two seats with one on a lap. We are talking about parents already standing and people wanting to turf out three and four yr olds

Wigglebummunch · 30/01/2015 13:24

This annoys me so much. I pay £8 a day to get my 2 eldest to school. I tell them to move if an elderly / disabled or pregnant person gets on but that's my choice. The other day a lady ran for the bus then had the cheek to tell them to move. My children are far too polite to have said no but I was fuming. They are still small ( 7 & 8 ) and I have 2 babies and a double buggy to hold onto so if we get seats first I don't see why they should have to move.

Trapper · 30/01/2015 13:25

I have given my seat up FOR a child in this situation. Toddlers need to be sat down safely on busses - not standing up. If she needed to sit down, she could have asked another adult rather than doing what amounts to bullying.

ExitPursuedByABear · 30/01/2015 13:25

My dog would like a seat.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 13:28

. If she needed to sit down, she could have asked another adult rather than doing what amounts to bullying

Yes. out of all the people. The ones with shopping Over the seats. or legs akimbo. why the poor child

Eltonjohnsflorist · 30/01/2015 13:28

Maybe. Not OAPs, who have free/ subsidised travel to help them stay connected, and not dogs who shouldn't be occupying a seat, ever, but there is an argument that children are discounted because they can sit on laps until a certain age .

Plenty of people in London (I live there also) take up a seat on the tube or bus for their bags. They didn't buy a ticket for their bag. Is it ok for that to take priority over a paying customer too?

I think giving up your seat is just good manners and manners are dictated by the society you live in. It's good manners in ours. There will be many ill mannered people wandering around in the future if they're all brought up to believe they can ignore manners because they're more important than that.

MrsKCastle · 30/01/2015 13:30

Yanbu. My eldest is 6 and she's only now getting to the point where she can stand safely. I would ask her to stand for someone elderly/pregnant/on crutches etc but not for a healthy adult. Generally, though, I put both DDs on the same seat while I stand- my 3 year old would definitely not be safe to stand.

Eltonjohnsflorist · 30/01/2015 13:30

In the OPs specific example there was only 1 seat between 2 so one was already standing, but I read the OP to be discussing the situation generally, not talking about this specific instance

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 30/01/2015 13:30

you'd be surprised how many people won't move for disabled people... apparently because I'm not old I'm "too young to be disabled" and them sitting with their shopping bags around them takes priority.

Only the very old count, apparently!

Makes me want to hit them with a walking stick! except I don't carry it if I have the buggy as that stabilises me better anyway.