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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect nursery to change my 14mo before I pick her up

235 replies

CrazyRainbowLady · 28/01/2015 19:13

She's in cloth nappies. They have a rule that they change nappies every 3 hours, her changes are usually at 10.30 and 1.30 according to the communications book.
She gets picked up at 4 and I usually run errands or pick up my older dcs from after school clubs etc.
I've asked them several times to please change her before I pick her up as we keep getting leaks from her nappies after pick up, but it rarely happens.
AIBU?

OP posts:
insancerre · 29/01/2015 17:43

I'm finding myself agreeing with every word goldmandra says at staring at my phone in open mouthed shock at tinks posts
I manage a nursery and have a degree and I am an early years teacher with 20 years experience and I don't recognise anything about nursery life as tinks describes
I think she must work in a really crap nursery
We always accommodate parents wishes in my nursery and we don't do scheduled nappy changes. They are changed as needed and frequently checked
We also have an open door policy and parents are welcome any time
We have nothing to hide
I would hate to think that the parents reading this thread think that all nurseries are like the nursery tinks describes
Op, yanbu
Ask them to change her when you arrive or phone ahead and ask them

Coyoacan · 29/01/2015 18:13

Thank you, insancerre, you are restoring my faith in human nature.

HappyTalking · 29/01/2015 18:36

I am sat here gobsmacked reading tinks posts.

I work in a nursery and reading the way some nurseries function truly horrifies me.

The answer to the op is yanbu to ask them to change the nappy before pick up. It is possible they are being a bit lazy because it is a cloth nappy, although in my experience it is not really any more trouble.

The nappy changing routine should not be that set in stone that it can't be altered. If a nursery is well organised and run, there should never be a time when it is too inconvienient to change a nappy.

We recently had a parent request 2 hourly nappy changes because her son had a particularly bad nappy rash. Do you know what we did? We happily obliged.

Also nappy changing should be used as a positive bonding experience. Over the years during changing times i have heard childrens first words, taught them about body parts, sang songs and had lots of positive interactions

naty1 · 29/01/2015 21:01

Dd's first word dada (to dad) was during him changing her at 5m.
Often forced to sing to keep her still.
I probably use fewer nappies than the nursery would as i wait a bit longer for the poop, using common sensr rather than routine to do changes

Goldmandra · 29/01/2015 21:25

I've just had a look at Tinks posting history.

I will be entertaining her no longer.

MrsMook · 29/01/2015 22:59

I've found the absorbancy of Easy Fits to be poor and tend to only use mine for a temporary change e.g. when DS poos shortly before a swimming lesson when a further change will be needed anyway. Mio Solos or Blueberry Basix last much better and might be a better choice for late in the day.

Tinks42 · 30/01/2015 12:14

I don't want to be "entertained" by you Gold.

I spoke the absolute truth as always. This may be a bitter pill for, yes there are some fantastic nurserys around thank god but there are also many not.

If the staff have the time to accommodate a particular wish then hopefully they will, depending on what goes on that day. To "expect" this is not the way to go.

Tinks42 · 30/01/2015 12:15

bitter pill for some.. of course.

insancerre · 30/01/2015 12:28

Why shouldn't parents expect?
If they have a good relationship with the staff ten it would be such a non issue to ask for an earlier nappy change.
After all, the customer is always right
And the staff should do it with good grace and a smile on their face
I know mine would in my nursery

muffpuff · 30/01/2015 13:03

Tinks you really do dislike parents who use nurseries don't you?

Bizarre career move there Hmm

BeggarsCantBeChoosers · 30/01/2015 13:22

Any good parent will seek to avoid leaking nappies in the car.

My advice is to explain the problem to the nursery: "dd keeps leaking in the car and I need to find a way to avoid this, so wondered could you help me find a solution"

They could either allow you to change her before leaving, or if they get time, do it for you.

That way they've got control a choice, they do it or you do it before you leave the premises, both of which offer you a reasonable solution.

PrimroseEverdeen · 30/01/2015 15:45

I'm astounded at some of the responses on here! YADNBU! You are paying for childcare. Part of that is making sure that your child is not sat in a dirty nappy for hours! You wouldn't do it at home so why is it ok at nursery?

DancingDinosaur · 30/01/2015 18:13

Bitter pill? Really? You really are in the wrong job aren't you. Clearly you are one of those who are part of the problem.
My ds's nursery was fabulous. Clearly you didn't work there. My dd's wasn't so good though, regimented nappy changing and bitter sullen staff who had clearly made the wrong career move. We voted with our feet. I wonder if you worked there Tink. Reckon you'd fit right in.

Goldmandra · 30/01/2015 20:12

Dancing, don't feed her.

Tinks knows full well that she is defending poor practice and, if it really is happening, she should be doing something to improve matters.

The OP has heard from plenty of us who work in early years that it would be perfectly appropriate for her to expect her child to be changed ready in order that she stays dry until she gets home. I hope that means she will be tackling the issue with them and considering whether it is the right setting for her child if they refuse.

Tinks42 · 30/01/2015 21:38

Bloody hell, getting it from all sides here arent I.

Im not defending "bad" practice. Im saying there is a lot of "bad" practice that goes on in a nursery.

Im also saying that "expecting" something on a regular basis is not possible.

This is my belief, never leave your child anywhere for a long period before they can talk and tell you.

Children should not be left before the age of 2 in an institution.

So off you go and scream about me again.

Tinks42 · 30/01/2015 22:16

Im saying that the workers are on minimum wage mostly and dont actually give a shit. Im saying that I would not leave my child in a nursery. I work in one and would never do that. I am but one person and adore all the children. Its not a "normal" or a right situation for a child. Its a profit making business. If as a parent, you have found a great nursery then all hail to you.

Im saying that they are mostly 17 to 22 who have no kids and are not in the industry because they care.

Do you own a nursery Gold?

CaspoFungin · 30/01/2015 22:23

Reminds me of hearing other nurses defend poor practice in hospitals because it was "too busy" and not doing something about it/allowing it to go on and be part of the problem

Tinks42 · 30/01/2015 22:30

what do you suggest then Caspo? Have you actually been in that situation?

mycatlikestwiglets · 30/01/2015 22:32

This is a weird thread Hmm

OP, my DCs' nursery have always been happy to change more regularly if needed (e.g. If the DCs had nappy rash). If you want your child changed more often than every 3 hours YANBU to ask for this. If it's a decent nursery they won't question it. When mine were tiny 3 hourly changes would never have been enough as they both are prolific at pooing have fast metabolisms.

Tinks42 · 30/01/2015 22:35

I have spoken to countless people in authority.. Guess what, it falls on deaf ears. I am now getting out of it due to being horrified by the lack of interaction with children in many many nurseries.

My advice is find a childminder that is recommended, dont go the "nursery" route. The care will never be continual and thats what kids need... consistency. Staff changeover will usually be on a regular basis. Not good for the child.

Alanna1 · 30/01/2015 22:35

Am astonished at the users who think you are BU. Of course the nursery should accomodate your wishes before you leave with her! Mine always did once I asked.

Tinks42 · 30/01/2015 22:37

why is it a "weird" thread? Im just saying what mostly goes on in a nursery, its usually very short staffed due to having a quota on the books and many a non show due to them being young.

Tinks42 · 30/01/2015 22:38

Will leave this thread due to knowing what is "projected" in a very lucrative business and what actually goes on behind the scenes.

m0therofdragons · 30/01/2015 22:50

if I arrive at nursery and dd is on the toilet I go and help her finish/wipe her. Technically I get there before 5pm so I'm paying for nursery to care for her but if I'm there I'm her mum so I do it.
in the op's situation (generally rules are every 3 hours unless poo detected) I would pick up dd and ask to use change table to ensure dd was clean and dry before leaving. Simple.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 31/01/2015 01:10

Tinks you keep contradicting yourself.

Telling us that the care is NEVER continual, that children SHOULDN'T be in an institution, the workers ARE on minimum wage and don't give a shit...

And then you're saying "If you've found a great nursery all hail to you".

I didn't think you believed in great nurseries? Hmm

Thankfully DD's nursery is a world away from anything you've described. I wonder if the one you work at is so terrible because of your attitude?